THE BRITISH THREAD II

Dorothy Parker wrote:

No, don't try to eat them. They get stuck in your teeth like sesame seeds.

you could lick...

what do you do with the salon? Plunge everything into boiling water and run away? Inform the National Emergency Nit line? There must be proceedures.

So you have a quiet word...doesnt sound drastic enough for the seriousness of the outbreak to me. Thats how bubonic plague started, in a barbers shop near Pudding lane London. 1667 I think.

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I've been up the Monument there its dead good but it's a helluva climb to the top.

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Who said anything about an outbreak?

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:

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McTag wrote:

I've been up the Monument there its dead good but it's a helluva climb to the top.

not really for a fit young man like you. Surprising really they erected a national memorial celebrating overcoming the nit. Thank god it was only one.

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Dorothy Parker wrote:

Who said anything about an outbreak?

well i dit but I was being a silly nit wit as usual

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smorgs wrote-

Quote:

Have you ever been disciplined spends?

Do you hanker for a firm hand?

May I suggest you take a little look at British Spanking Forum.

An experienced Mistress would have you whimpering, on your knees begging for mercy - Oh, what a sight! Makes me tingle it does...

This is most interesting.

I can't say I have ever been disciplined. It seems blasphemous in a patriarchal society which has proved so useful to the female sex. A cop out. An abdication of the natural responsibility we men have to the trembling little things.

I can't see what use I would be to them if I was whimpering, on my knees and begging for mercy. How do you make a grand a week in that state?

But it "makes her tingle it fair does". That's psychological and Bob Dylan's song DIRGE sorted it out for me.

Whack a wimp to tingle.

Well- if they like it and if they can have anything they want, which is what the phonies tell 'em, submit lads. You wouldn't want them not to experience "tingling" would you?

You're cheating them otherwise. Like Germaine Greer said 40 bloody years ago.

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Something hit our front door with a thud last night. I was out, but her indoors said it did not sound like a football, but was a softer impact.
No, it was not me coming back from the pub.
This morning there is a muddy splodge about 2ft up the door, but no mark on the step. It doesn't look like a football imprint or the mark which might be left by a boot.

Any ideas/advices?

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Could have been a Cumbrian Mud bat, a shy little creature, quite blind but not too well versed in the use of its echolocation. Theyre almost extinct since they evolved to adapt to open plains with the occasional castle and not a lot of doors and houses in the way .

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McTag wrote:

Something hit our front door with a thud last night. I was out, but her indoors said it did not sound like a football, but was a softer impact.
No, it was not me coming back from the pub.
This morning there is a muddy splodge about 2ft up the door, but no mark on the step. It doesn't look like a football imprint or the mark which might be left by a boot.

Any ideas/advices?

Cant really think of anything except bird strike, however unlikely that may seem. Or did you forget to tell the cat you had sealed up the cat flap?

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Steve 41oo wrote:

McTag wrote:
Something hit our front door with a thud last night. I was out, but her indoors said it did not sound like a football, but was a softer impact.
No, it was not me coming back from the pub.
This morning there is a muddy splodge about 2ft up the door, but no mark on the step. It doesn't look like a football imprint or the mark which might be left by a boot.

Any ideas/advices?
Cant really think of anything except bird strike, however unlikely that may seem. Or did you forget to tell the cat you had sealed up the cat flap?

Strange as it may seem.....we do nor possess a cat, but our neighbours do.

So, putting on my tweed cloak and deerstalker hat, I undertook a forensic examination of the site. I noticed that there were two muddy paw-prints to one side of the step- and in the middle (the mark on the door was in the middle) there is a mat, which would take no prints.
I concluded therefore that the most probable explanation is that a muddy cat, approaching from the direction of my neighbour's house, jumped against the door last night.

I have not yet established the motive. Nor indeed how the cat got so muddy as to leave a big mark on the door. Perhaps he wanted to rub himself clean on our hall carpet.

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Quote:

I concluded .. that a muddy cat...jumped against the door...

But the motive? Motive Holmes? Was it to alarm the Mistress of the house? Perhaps as a ruse? This is quite confounding.

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I think Mrs Mac has got so fed up with how smart Mac is that she has gone to the trouble of setting him up for something he can't figure out just for the hell of it and for the novelty of seeing him stumped for words if only for once.

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Spendy, you malign me, Sir.

I didn't get where I am today by being smart.

My man will call on you upon the morrow. Place your affairs in order.

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Choose your weapon Sir!

http://www.nantasyfantasy.com/AJ3/capandballduel2.jpg

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I'll take the box.

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How are we punting chaps?

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To be honest with you mate, it's like being a 'hold passenger' on the Titanic coming in here, does that clarify the situation from my point of view?

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I'm not much of a punter but they tell me backing the Aussies at ascot would be a safe bet.

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Mathos writes:

"moan moan moan
groan groan groan
say something smarmy to the laydees
a dollop of self-aggrandisement
contribute nothing worthwhile
put in a tasteless or sexist joke or two
gripe gripe gripe"

was I close?

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THE BRITISH THREAD II

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