THE BRITISH THREAD II

In USA

Another colony here.

It's worrying that suspenders hasn't posted...

x

What are you doing in USA Walter?

x

O M G la smorgs returns!!!

At first driving through Colorado (no, I've nothing to do with the fire[s]) and now staying at my friend's for some more days.

I'm busy trying to get my library valued and in some sort of order.

I can't find anybody who has any edition of The History of Ladies Underwear by Saint-Laurent. And mine's a hardback first edition in good nick. (Geddit?)

I never had you down as a pyromaniac, Walter.

Have a jolly good time.

x

Phew!

Sussy's back!

I've got some old Jackie Collins and Dan Brown, do you want to add them - may be worth a few bob?

We could go Blackpool for the day with your new found wealth, we could take in a show and have some chips on the front.

x

Thanks, my dear (for both!)

I just picked 50 lbs of damsons. Now for the jam making. Homemade Damson jam is the puissant sweetmeat.



I don't do shows or chips Sarah. And I never eat in the public highways. It's so common.

A country house hotel suite is an ideal place to discuss whether Jobcentres are work-creation schemes designed for the benefit of Jobcentre manageresses rather than the applicant clients.

May one assume you also extend your pinkie finger when you guzzle your John Smiths?

You may indeed my dear. You are perfectly at liberty to assume anything you like. I wouldn't dream of speculating what you do with your fingers if only to avoid sitting here all week going through the sordid possibilities.

But thanks for the gracious invitation.

What about parsnip chips - organic?

Did I ever tell you of the time I thought I had rectal beeding? I didn't, it was just the beetroot crisps I'd been eating.

I've been mad busy all week, unlike the other managers, I sit on't shop floor with the workers.

x

Naughty spendy!

Just realised you called me Sarah - you've outed me - now everyone knows my first name...

I might get cyber-stalked!

Bet you're proper posh in real life spends, bet you're dead rich too. AND you don't eat chips, that is highly suspicious.

What about Eccles cakes?

x

I was pondering answering some new posts, but I can't, too intimidated, it's all about folosophi and **** like that, my convent education (and therefore, lack of) prevents me from entering into discourse on such weighty matters...

Therefore, I will attempt to answer them here, in a safe environment:

Can you prove to your self that you exist?

I wash up, therefore I am.

How soon after my period can I fast?

Never! get some chips down ya!
(on a barm, for extra nutrients)

x

AND I can never answer the crossword stuff cos Dutch always gets in first!

I swear that man never sleeps.

x

Would have thought McT would have had the decency to take a laptop to the river bank.

x

Ah! The obstacles to desire erected by anatomical processes.



I took a guess. I had been glancing through my copy of The Divine Sarah. I was thinking, dreamily, of Sarah Mavis Orgsy after being so down to earth about jobcentres.

Just read they're going to blow Peggy Mitchell up! Not that I watch it...

Wonder if her bra will will go ping - like in Carry on Camping?

Or 'GLAMPING'. Have you heard of that? My friend Eunice goes glamping, in a big ****-off tent with PVC windows. Takes her microwave, mini-fridge and widescreen telly (HD). They got a warning on the site this year for making too much noise. If it's warm, they watch the telly outside the tent...

They had an infestation of earwigs last year (in the tent - not them), so Eunice wasn't best pleased. She bought one of those electric insect zapper things off ebay, but the noise of frying arachnids kept her awake, and she said it 'hummed'.

She's got a parrot called Colin, she gets annoyed when I call it 'the pigeon'. It's really badly behaved, called me a twat the other day - in Eunices voice.

Eunice got her words mixed up the other day and said "we haven't pre-thunk this". "Pre-thunk?" I said quizzically. "Where the **** did you get that from?" Then we got massive giggles, I had to keep my head down, but my shoulders gave me away. It's such exquisite torture - giggles like that, in an inappropriate place. We taxed it all afternoon, using every opportunity to slip the 'pre-thunk' in, then she sent me an email asking if I'd 'pre-thunk what beverage I required from the vending machine'. Then I was in a meeting in my (ahem) office and I opened an email from her which simply said 'do you want half a bounty?'. Set me off again.

Just making conversation...

x