THE BRITISH THREAD II

I thought that too, about Celebrity Masterchef. I saw the item on the morning news programme, you know the way the BBC puff their own programmes in the current affairs slot, ought to be a law against it and probably is, and they showed a clip of "celebrities" taking part and I didn't recognise any of them. Okay, Stuart McCall but no way is he a celeb.

algae if a transparent cap? (dunno, a guess)

She baaaaaaaaaaaaaack! So good to see smorgsie liven up the joint..

Do you really watch dross like that Mac? I'd never heard of Lindsay Lohan before yesterday.

No. I told you, it wasn the morning news thing.

Lindsay Lohan's in solitary for her own safety.

How could you not have heard of Lindsay?

She use to be a lesbian, but I think she changed her mind, maybe she'll go back to being a lesbian in chokey.

Celebrities are fickle.

x

Look who's back!!! What a pleasure to see you, smorgs.
Everything all right with you and your loved ones?

For the knickers or the reservoir ????

Stares out of the window.

I had toyed with the idea Io but thought better of it.

I saw the Aussie collapse at Headingly. It was pathetic.

You are formally advised that the afore mentioned "thing" has great emotional content beyond its shocking electrical signal. Of the things which we do not mention that is also a thing of which we do not hear. I now have my fingers firmly placed in my ears and am singing loudly....well....sort of singing, but certainly loudly.

Did you bet on it because you would have walked with my money.

Crikey! What the hell happened there???

Why?

I'm giddy with excitement!

Last day in work and then I'm off for two whole weeks.

Hello Calam, hope you and yours are well.

x

I'm not partisan. Few batsmen would last long under those conditions. Headingly with low cloud and 70% humidity is notorious. A swing bowlers paradise. Occupying the crease for long when balls are swinging both ways alarmingly at high speed is almost impossible.

And there was a home crowd for Pakistan.

We were all a bit surprised though when Mr Ponting chose to bat.

I have 80 quid.
Now I need somewhere to spend it.
How much is a pint?

I think the 10 quid is quite pretty on Charles Darwins side.

At the start of Australia's 2nd innings they were 7 t0 5 against.

But Katich is just out.

Being un-English, I don't care too much for cricket (I don't mind the edited highlights, though) but do you know what? When we moved into this house, Brian Statham lived just a few doors down.

He was a classy player, I believe.

Brian Statham C.B.E. was considered the best fast bowler in the world for a time but pitches were less true in those days because they were uncovered. He took over 250 Test wickets. I think he died in poverty in a run down area of Stockport.

The Australians have been helped by two inexplicable decisions by the umpire in today's match. Even Shane Warne has admitted that Ponting and Clarke were "plumb out". Ponting first ball. But that particular umpire is known for his stupidity.

If the bowler isn't given the benefit of the doubt when a batsman offers no stroke and protects the stumps with his pads the game will soon arrive at the point where there is no crowd or TV audience. It logically follows that there will then be no need for umpires and Rudy Kirsten would then have to find another job. That's why he's stupid. In Clarke's case there wasn't much doubt and in Ponting's case the ball was hitting middle stump half way up.

Edited highlights is like watching extracts from porn movies on the BBC before the watershed.

That never occurred to me before.

And it doesn't occur to me now.