THE BRITISH THREAD II

I have the honour of having been invited to post in my now favourite thread on A2K.
The dialogue with my British co-members reminds me to use English as I've learnt it at school.

But whilst I'm an ageing non-native English speaker and don't have a programme to spell English correctly, your judgement is highly appreciated.

Hey, did I tell you fellow posters- I'm now a teaching assistant at the local Adult Education Centre, on one day a week.

I teach dodging the column and passing the buck....no, literacy actually. It's quite fun.

You're looking for crumpet Mac. I know your type.

Help a furriner out ... does this mean food or something else?

If you're looking for crumpet
You came to the right place
If you're looking for crumpet
Just look right in my face
I was born standing up
And talking back

------------------------------

Any road up, did you See 'Dispatches' last night?

More Jobcentre bashing...

I'm fed up.

x

Something else.

Chercher la femme.
Totty. Gimp. Know what I'm sayin'?

Don't be fed up, pet. Things could be worse. In fact........

No, I watched the militant mullahs in our midst Panorama programme which was on at the same time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZlhpfCdyS4

Where's my effing post?

Posted about crumpet, sat in't nightie, about 6 this morning!!!

Why can't I see it?

Loved the clip spends - made me trump!

I'm marking Civil Service exam papers on Monday/Tuesday at United's ground:

Q. What colour is the sky?

a. Depends what time it is.

b. Blue.

c. Observe the sky - note the hue, send remarks to the Decision Maker, including all supporting evidence (copies only, certified as 'Originals Seen' by Floor Walker/Reception Manager, or Band C Officer). Check guidance via intralink. E-mail Delivery Centre to confirm a decision is pending. Que question via LMS. File with 30 day time limit. Forget about the file, due to excessive foot-fall and Date of Claim rules. Re-open file in 2010 and mark-up as closed due to 'Fail to Respond'.

x

Yes I do.

Walter?

What's that map on your profile?

Explain it to me please - I'm interested.

x

...about trumping during the ecomomic downturn of course!

silly spendy

x

What's sanity worth my leetle cheekadee?

An 8,000 mile high pile of new dollar bills alias a recovery bail-out plan to get people's noses back to the grindstone.

It's enough to make a sloth urinate involuntarily. Like when ladies sneeze.

Look at it again, and see if you recognise any names on it.

You can get a very good cup of coffee, and a bun, at a place near there btw.

On the subject of trumps in bed, my pal Eamonn sent me this. I accept none of the blame.

This is a story about a couple that are happily married for years. The only friction in there marriage is the husband habit of farting loudly every morning after he woke up. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he could not stop and it was perfectly normal to fart in the morning when you woke up. She asked him to see a doctor as she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued and to rip them out every morning. Then one Christmas morning she was preparing the turkey for the Christmas dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her, she took the bowl and went upstairs to where her husband was fast asleep, she gently pulled back the covers and she pulled back the elastic waist band of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled about the floor laughing. Tears in her eyes after years of torture she reckoned she had got him back good and proper. About twenty minutes later her husband came down stairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face she bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said honey you were right all these years you have warned me and I didn’t listen to you. what do you mean? asked his wife. Well you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out and today it finally happened but by the grace of god with some Vaseline and two fingers I think I got most of them back in.

Okay have you looked at it yet? He is the Hinteler of Hinteler

(cf. Sir Iain Moncrieff of that Ilk)

I've found the italics and suff!

All I had to do was click on that there 'bbcode editor' thingy.

Thanks for lunch Muckty, Nowt like egg and chips for pink chubies...

x

It is a gastronomic joke smorgsie like toad in the hole. One egg and a lot of chips is more conducive to a lady's deportment though. A popular sauce to taste.

I find the best way to do italics is to actually type italics yourself.

Sorry- I forgot the salt and vinegar.

What I meant was type an "i" inside square brackets before your words and a forward stroke and an "i" inside square brackets after them.

So where's all my pals? Walter is in Rome I think, Steve will be away since it's mid-term holiday for some. Where's everybody else?
No sick notes received.

Had a nice chat with Smorgs at lunchtime today, we should do that oftener.