Francis wrote:Ok, you can begin here, McT:
Francis, you were amazingly quick with that.
A very fetching drawing, too. Is she perhaps part of a collection of yours?
McTag wrote:A very fetching drawing, too. Is she perhaps part of a collection of yours?
As said before, I will never expose my sources.
Nevertheless, I think that ear is blushing.
HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST
George Phillips of Marsh Green, Wigan was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.
George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked:-
'Is someone in your house?' and he said 'no'.
Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.
George said, 'Okay,' hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
'Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them.' Then he hung up.
Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response Unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George: 'I thought you said that you'd shot them!'
George said, 'I thought you said there was nobody available!'
I LOVE IT - Don't mess with old people!!
Hey Mathos, I liked that. Maybe I have underestimated you and you are not the empty-headed tub-of-lard I had previously thought.
I can't see what all the fuss about smoking in pubs is all about. I have no difficulties with it.
In fact two weeks before the legislation enacted by a cowed, over-feminised bunch of wimps came into effect I practiced not smoking in the pub.
Nothing to it. It was not unlike not smoking in church or whilst doing delicate brain surgery.
The thought of never ever sucking on a fag again and pulling the gorgeous fumes of the tobacco plant deep down into the depths of my being is another matter entirely.
The ban makes the fag on the way home so delicious that I can hardly believe that I used to indulge in smoking five or six in the bar without it registering.
Making fags "naughty" is the next step after making sex "naughty" faded out.
spendius wrote:Hey Mathos, I liked that. Maybe I have underestimated you and you are not the empty-headed tub-of-lard I had previously thought.
I can't see what all the fuss about smoking in pubs is all about. I have no difficulties with it.
In fact two weeks before the legislation enacted by a cowed, over-feminised bunch of wimps came into effect I practiced not smoking in the pub.
Nothing to it. It was not unlike not smoking in church or whilst doing delicate brain surgery.
The thought of never ever sucking on a fag again and pulling the gorgeous fumes of the tobacco plant deep down into the depths of my being is another matter entirely.
The ban makes the fag on the way home so delicious that I can hardly believe that I used to indulge in smoking five or six in the bar without it registering.
Making fags "naughty" is the next step after making sex "naughty" faded out.
Do a Jimmy Saville and get a job as a volunteer porter in your nearest general hospital. Wheel not-so-elderly patients in and out of the chest wards for a while. Ask the doctors and nurses about bronchial complaints. Learn about related illnesses. Pay your tobacco tax meanwhile. Hope the downside will never happen to you. But it will. It has.
Gee Mac--
That's right out of the bottom drawer of trainee female journalists on the Grauniad.
You're welcome.
I know that the medical profession are pretty much against tobacco smoking, in general. Even though it keeps them pretty busy.
I read, for example, that if a habitual long-term smoker goes in for major surgery, the surgeon has great trouble stitching up the wound because of general deterioration and lack of elasticity in the tisue.
Keeping everybody alive into 30 year long dependency is much more in the interest of the medical pofession.
The smoker tends to be a happy-go-lucky type who pops off within a few weeks of diagnosis and not much can be made out of them despite them having paid for half the NHS.
You could also visit other wards Mac. On the argument you presented previously we ought to ban motoring, mining, welding, fighting for your country, bad diet, boozing and generally prolonging life into zones where degenerative brain and bone disease creates the need for round-the-clock intensive indignities of epidemic proportions and the possibility of getting all the patient's assets off them above the £8,000 limit Mrs Thatcher proposed.
There's a nation to run you know.
I don't suppose you know much about arthritis prolonged into the nineties. Nor do I suppose you know much about the creativity induced by nicotine.
What evidence do you have that the chest diseases are solely caused by smoking?
I read that Mayor Boris has promised to give London pubs a choice in the matter so that at least proves that a responsible elected person thinks you are talking a load of sentimental poppy-cock.
And I can't understand why you are not campaigning to make tobacco a Class A drug. Your own logic demands it.
Hasn't everybody in every hospital ward been on mother's milk and exposed over long periods of time to the fetid atmosphere of classrooms and couches in front of TV sets.
spendius wrote:Keeping everybody alive into 30 year long dependency is much more in the interest of the medical pofession.
The smoker tends to be a happy-go-lucky type who pops off within a few weeks of diagnosis and not much can be made out of them despite them having paid for half the NHS.
You could also visit other wards Mac. On the argument you presented previously we ought to ban motoring, mining, welding, fighting for your country, bad diet, boozing and generally prolonging life into zones where degenerative brain and bone disease creates the need for round-the-clock intensive indignities of epidemic proportions and the possibility of getting all the patient's assets off them above the £8,000 limit Mrs Thatcher proposed.
There's a nation to run you know.
I don't suppose you know much about arthritis prolonged into the nineties. Nor do I suppose you know much about the creativity induced by nicotine.
What evidence do you have that the chest diseases are solely caused by smoking?
I read that Mayor Boris has promised to give London pubs a choice in the matter so that at least proves that a responsible elected person thinks you are talking a load of sentimental poppy-cock.
And I can't understand why you are not campaigning to make tobacco a Class A drug. Your own logic demands it.
I don't know about Class A Drug, but I am inclined to the view that obese people, addicts and heavy smokers should be filtered out of the NHS in some way.
Well, in my gloomier moments anyway.
Shove them in the gutter I suppose you must mean. Or in concentration camps.
My impression is that smokers are less prone to "gloomier moments" and there's a well known connection between those and chronic conditions of one sort or another.
I reckon it's totally up to the individual as to being a smoker or not.
I started smoking behind the bike shed at school when I was probably thirteen years of age.
It was clever.
They were cheap then as well.
James Dene did it and all the flash film stars.
They must be about £5..00 a packet now?
I smoked Woodbine, Domino, Park Drive, Capstan and Capstan Full Strength because my dad smoked them two brands and he used to leave an open packet or two on the bench seat in his shooting brake. The last ten years or so I made up roll ups, somebody told me they were safer.
I don't think it makes any difference.
I was a very heavy smoker.
From 1959 to 2007 I stopped twice.
Once in 1963 for a few months.
Then on the 1st January 1976 until about December 1978 and started again for Christmas.
I was only going to have an odd one.
I have been stopped again now for ten months. Since July 2nd last year.
It's still hard work but I'll never smoke again, no matter what.
I was getting wheezy, out of breath easy. I didn't like that. I like to be doing.
I've lost about four really good friends to lung cancer, they all smoked.
I lost an elder sister to lung cancer as well in 2001 she smoked too.
She was 59 years old at the time.
It seemed a real waste of life.
I have no factual idea if smoking actually causes lung cancer and I am having the Devils own job in getting rid of phlegm from my chest now. The Doc tells me it normally takes up to ten years to clean the lungs up after stopping. He reckons that as I'm doing so much exercise its causing the contamination to move out faster, he thinks it is an interesting issue to see how I go on with it.
My wife has smoked since she was about sixteen. She still has an odd one or four each day. She copes with that and to be honest, I find the stopping so difficult still, I wouldn't pressure her to go through it.
I tried everything.
Patches
Hypnotist
A million needles a bloody month in my body they call it acupuncture!
Tablets.
Nothing really works.
I had to do it cold turkey and it still has demands on me.
I'm ok with it, I won't touch one. I want the **** out of my system totally.
There's some fifty years of it in there. I'm probably very lucky not to have gone down with some major illness attributed to it. The Doc told me I was.
I can understand Spendi trying to justify it as being ok.
It is when you smoke.
If I knew I would have been like this with it ten months after stopping, and I have not touched one drag of one since I stopped.
I wouldn't put myself through it again.
Tis bloody murder!
Hey Mathos!!
well bloody done man
A friend of mine said giving up was the hardest thing he ever did, and I believe him.
So DO IT you can and you will.
I wouldnt blame you if you lapse but I think a strong willed character like you will overcome.
The only overcoming I ever thought possible was that over Jennifer Whitesides bare buttocks.
Mathos could fall off a ladder and break his fat neck tomorrow and all his agony would be in vain.
Evolution wastes life goodstyle. I thought you were all sound evolutionists.
Thought this was cause for a wistful British smile: oh, those days when British bureaucrats pondering the implication of a nuclear attack on English cities would figure out with some alarm that such a scenario might result in a lack of tea!
Quote: Nuclear threat sparked tea worry
The threat of a nuclear attack on the UK in the 1950s caused concern over the supply of tea, top-secret documents which have now been released reveal.
Government officials planning food supplies said the tea situation would be "very serious" after a nuclear war.
"It would be wrong to consider that even 1oz per head per week could be ensured," they stated.
The papers were released under the Freedom of Information Act by the National Archives at Kew. [..]
Our leaders have a proper sense of proportion nimh.
I think we shoud draw a veil over Jennifer Whitesides's bare buttocks.
I've always liked the name Jennifer.
Jennifer A, at school- she was my dance partner, and very supple and lissom she was. She smelt nice too. Strong, curvy, full of the mystery of woman.
Having just listened to John Humphrey interviewing Louise Campbell, mother of Molly Campbell, I am in no mood to think about veils and women and religion.
nimh...British officials had a million and one things to think about in the case of a nuclear attack. Tea was one of them, but it made for a quirky news item on a slack holiday weekend. Just another case of lazy journalism.
Steve 41oo wrote:nimh...British officials had a million and one things to think about in the case of a nuclear attack. Tea was one of them, but it made for a quirky news item on a slack holiday weekend. Just another case of lazy journalism.
Oh dont be a crankypants. :wink: (You're absolutely right of course, but it was a smile-inducing story ... and we need some of those sometimes too...)
