THE BRITISH THREAD II

Evening Mathos et al.

I don't share your opinion about the ref - but otherwise you're right.

Tonight Hotspurs? (Leverkusen is doing just now their best ... ha, ha, ah)

There's a French guy called Al here? Alphonse, maybe?

Ha ha hah I'm so funny.

You're dead right there Mac. You kill me.

Some nights at this time I daren't look at your avvie.

Droll I would say.

Spendi is pissed again.

Right, I'm off for a week. Toodle-oo.

Have a nice break Mac, or whatever it is your off for a week for!

I had a nice run out with the wife to-day, (in her convertible) we went to Skipton, the roads were considerably quiet for a Bank Holiday weekend around there anyhow! Like I said to her, who the hell would want to drive to the borders of Yorkshire.

There were plenty of sheep about, Skipton itself (a nice 'Old Market Town') was extremely busy, it was impossible to park the car so we drove through and took the Bradford Road, we found a really nice eating hostelry,(The Bay Horse- The Canal ran along the rear of it and there were some pleasant looking house boats moored up, a couple of them had nice dining areas on their roofs and had obviously bought food from the inn--very pleasant) so we had a late lunch or early dinner ourselves, depends how you view it I suppose.

There was an old chap of unkempt appearance rummaging in the rubbish skips at the rear of the hostelry, 'Excuse me,' I called out, 'Are you Spendius by any chance?'

Well you never know do you!

Mathos wrote-



What's the point of addressing Mac when he just said ta-ta for a week you silly sod.



"Early dinner" eh? Oooooooowww heow very posh. Have you been reading Woman's Own again old boy? I thought both were "jackbit" for persons of your stamp.

You must be really bored to drive all that way for a bite to eat. Think of all those Pacific Islanders being washed out of house and home because you can't stop that sort of activity. You were saving them last week.

I once stayed in a YHA hostel near Skipton when I toured the Dales on a bike as a youth. The place was full of teenage girls with strong thighs. The only trouble was that one of the ugly ones grabbed me and wouldn't put me down and I was very polite and shy in those days. Still- it worked out alright in the end.

There were some terrible gradients to overcome in those days but they've smoothed it all out now for the motorist.

How come you have refrained from describing what that ball of soggy,homogeneous nutrient in your stomach started out as prior to the mastication and swallowing reflex which changed it's appearence and texture so dramatically.

Bank Holiday and it shows, listen you oink if you can't get going until your under the influence of alcohol, why bother at all?

When they prove to me that man and man alone is responsible for this nice warm weather, I might address the situation on a personal basis. As it is, I rather think cattle explosions from between the buttocks, combined with volcanic activity and the possibility of a slight tilt on the planet, are the donors.

It's a phase of the planets, if not the universes existence Spendi, there were no cars, boats with engine, railways or planes the several times we have gone through these phases in the past. According to certain egg-heads, as you don't come into that category and no doubt spend your days with a fire burning away, electric light bulbs and no doubt a vehicle, you are not even a suitable candidate to add an offering, regardless of its apathy.

I'm not surprised you were grabbed by an ugly bint either, giving that you don't use soap! What did you say to her, "Sorry Chuck, I'm celibate?"

Do you want a description of the grub prior to digestion then?

My wife enjoyed a nice portion of wild salmon with the usual vegetables, whilst I opted for Hunters chicken breast and vegetables, we both washed it down with a large pot of tea.

What did you have, eight pints of Murphy's and a pork pie?

Wild salmon my arse. It will be out of one of those cages they have in the lochs up the coast a bit.

And "Chcken! ". The sacred bird of the Sumerians and symbol of the birth of civilisation. The way they rear those poor little defencelass creatures is bound to cause some tampering with their chemical constituents and you are welcome to it.

Have you not read Cluck Cluck. It's a book about the old religion being alive and well in the movie industry. It's probably why their sexual behaviour seems strange to us blasphemers.

You can get a chicken breast for 85p I'm told on every high street. Are you sure it isn't the grovelling service you go for? An hour of being yessirnosired at. They have college courses now to train them how to grovel to tourists and trippers. Were the toilets disinfected to your satisfaction? Nasty things are tourists and day trippers. You can't be too careful. If it was a late lunch there might have been some right ones in before you.

How come you didn't say you gave the tramp a fiver?

It's more obvious by the second that your pissed, your spelling errors in both posts are quite abysmal, and you do have a spell check on this forum especially placed there to stop idiots like you annoying the educated, and to stop you looking like an moron.

Why in the name of all the gods would I give the tramp a fiver, it might have been you, no let him rummage, he was very happy?

How do you know he wasn't play-acting for a TV programme about how hard-hearted and selfish the English lower-middle class have become and they are going to show you all passing him by as you make your way gorged on expensive flattery. You could easy have got double steak pudding, double chips and mushy peas, double gravy and double doubled-buttered bread and butter and a plop of HP sauce with enough left over from what you paid in the ego preener to have given him a tenner. At least. And a pint of proper tea into the bargain. Tony Benn tea.

The Mrs could have had a fluffy battered wild cod instead of the steak pudding. And you could have gone at it with your fingers. I hope you were on your best behaviour in The Bay Horse. It is expected of the clientele in such places that you always are.

What a bargain. Full as a gun on good relishing grub and radiating virtue as well. All you need do is put up with the flatterylessness of the Chippy with a few tables in the back with some crumbs and ringstains on and it's yours.

That's what the Good Samaritan would have done. You must have been pulling our legs the other day about your concern for the poor.

Okay right I've read up to here.

That was a quick week Mac!


There are no real poor in The UK Spendi, even tramps get an allowance if they fill the correct forms in.

You should know that a retail outlet would not be so foolish as to state he was selling a certain product and then it be discovered that acts of mis-representation were taking place. Not only would the owner or owners be dragged before the courts, his business would receive the bad publicity it deserved and leave him or her or they wide open to further civil actions.

Have you ever mis-represented anything in your business life?


By the way, I rather think several million would dine out or treat the wife to a pub meal at least once a year, especially on one of the bank holidays. Are you sure you weren't that tramp?

I'm not talking of high tea at the Ritz or an evening meal at The Cafe Royal. A couple I know recently visited Dubai the hubby has just retired from the police force and as a treat they visited the Al-Arab and spent £700..00 plus on two meals. Now even I call that foolish, but if they enjoyed it so what! It's their money after all.

They all think like that and what a very silly idea it is.

But one would naturally expect that anybody who spends £700 on two meals has only very silly ideas to work with and is thus deserving of our sympathy and understanding.

Two people could not eat more than 20 quids worth of nutrient at two sittings at current food prices so it is obvious that the other £680 was paid out for psychological reasons which I won't speculate upon at this time.

Got an R -reg Fiat Punto 1.2 blue. No power steering which is a bit of a shock to the system but it managed a trip from Manchester to Lancaster and back at 80 mph without blowing up so I think it's ok. (touch wood)

No I wouldn't spend £700 on a meal either.

The most expensive thing I've eaten was lobster which was a pain in the arse to get at with that funny little poky fork thing.

I have eaten far more expensive things than lobster. By a very long way too. I would be a very rich man if I had only pushed the boat out on lobster.

Glad you have a car Dorothy, but 80mph is much too fast in any vehicle, especially one you know nothing about!

Better being ten minutes late in this world, than five minutes too early in the next!


Spendi!

What on earth have you been eating, that costs more than Lobster, I sincerely hope your not one of the weirdos who pays over the odds for bush meat.

Mathos wrote-



I don't consider bush meat in the same price range as lobster as you must do to use an expression like "over the odds".

Take notice of that ladies. Mathos has you on a par with sea food.