THE BRITISH THREAD II

smorgs wrote-



Well I gave the evidence. You said I was highbrow snooty-snooty and then you said I was also less than highbrow and offered to quote some of my lowbrow stuff. Where's your evidence?

You also said I had deserted the thread which I haven't. And I was gentleman enough not to point out that particular inconsistency, incoherence and downright foolishness and what credit do I get?

And then you start getting all picky-picky Oxford English over a measly question mark you highbrow posh bluestocking you.

I know it's a joke. Life's a joke isn't it? I am the direct result of a little awkwardness in the revolving doors of a posh hotel in Blackpool which have since been removed to prevent any future occurrencies of a similar nature.

Are either of you two Micks, or Mick related?

My parents hail from the land of Mick.

What of it, Mathos?

Don't know about sussy's roots.

But then we are all connected if you subscribe to the six degrees of separation theory.


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Wedding duty today Smorgsi!

Ceremony over and done, big flash meal, caviar and all sorts of expensive nosh going down the various gobs, everybody swilling pop down like it's going out of fashion after today!

I thought I'd have a break for a few hours and return this evening for the night do!

The bride looked virginal in white, I suppose that's not an issue nowadays though, is it?

Anyhow, I came on here and noticed you and Spendi fluttering about like a couple of sparrows and thought what an ideal couple you would make! Especially if there's a bit of Mick in the blood-line. I don't think he's wed or even dwelling over the brush is he?

We could arrange some kind of Cross counties Wedding, red and white roses in the cauldrons and photographs in Lancashire and Yorkshire Life. Honeymoon in the Scilly Isles would be fitting too.

Mac could be best man, I'd fetch the Bentley round for you, make it look flash and all that! Dorothy could be your main Bridesmaid, and we could get Spendi all spruced up in a flash top hat and tails suit!

What do you reckon Smorgsi, I bet he's got a bob or two an 'all, you could jack work in and spend the rest of your naturals, supping John Smiths Extra Smooth at the side of him on the sofa all day watching cricket and trundle off to his local every night, like he do!

Mi mouth's waterin', there's juice runnin' down mi leg an' I'm pantin' like a bloodhound in a pantry.

And any honeymoon would be on the nearest comfortable surface, after the egress of the churchdoor. It would have to be a church because I wouldn't dream of taking such a dramatic step before the eyes of a junior clerk in the Civil Service.

But it's a no goer. We come from completely different social backgrounds. I'm a double-dyed shithouse of the meanest type of knuckle-draggers and smorgsie is a highly refined lady of inestimable character and distinction the hem of whose dress I am not fit to touch never mind raise to reveal to view the respendencies contained beneath.

She shows far too much respect for men for my taste as is to be expected of any well brought-up lady of quality and I'm scared to death of ladies of the opposite disposition.

That's why I retired. I'm like Arthur Rubenstein now- I'm content with just looking.

This is some crazy ****.

Now don't go calling Spendy nasty names. He's a bit touched, that's all.

Mame-

Put it down to cultural immiscibility. Our top military man said today you lot are "intellectually bankrupt". I think he is referring, in the last analysis, to the American's propensity, which is very marked, to believe everything they say is true on the evidence of them having said it.

Mac watches a lot of American movies so he's a bit immiscible as well.

Vancouver BC idiot

Hi mac sorry I missed you in Mankyland

went to port sunlight

and EastLands Stadium...most impressed. Doughnut with blue jam

In a manner of speaking Steve (You pedantic bigot) Spendi may have a point in classifying those inhabitants of Vancouver BC as more American than anything else! If they veer to the left and go for a swim it's Russia, China, Mongolia, to the right after about two thousand miles of wasteland a load of French talking strange people who wouldn't give an English speaker the time of day!

No doubt the main course of trade, cars, household goods, TV programmes in Vancouver BC all come from the States! Mame might just let us know! You school teachers get carried away, don't you now?

What do you think of the wedding idea though, Spendi is having some nerves about the big day, but he'll get over that side of things, won't he?

Spendy's description of the event is so romantic and touching.

Definitely an occasion for Cheshire Life.

Hey has anyone seen the Michael Wood documentary series on TV about India?

I saw my first one last night (3rd in series, unfortunately). Class.

CHESHIRE LIFE MAC?????


Where are you hanging out then, Sale, Altrincham, Stockport, Marple, or posh Knutsford?

Give us a clue Mac...

There's a few posh places around there for a Spendi and Smorgsi to hold a wedding reception..The Whipping Stocks, comes to mind!

I was meaning, Smorgs is in S Manc, so Cheshire Life would probably bid highest for the exclusive on the big Smorgs & Spendi do. Or maybe like the Beckhams, Hello Magazine would outbid the lot.



Me, I'm in Stockport. Which is Greater Manchester, now.

Well well well, and thrice well...

What have we here?

An attempt to tease smorgs? Surely not!

I have respect for all people, if they are deserving. As for men; I've never met a man with bigger balls than I've got.

Having lived in Vancouver, both on the island and mainland, I can assure you that the telly most watched is British (well it was in our gaff). They love their Antiques Roadshow and Coronation Street. Of course they watch USA telly, just like we do.

I once got into trouble at the US/Canadian border for laughing at a picture of Ronald Reagan, they take things like that very seriously in the US. They're a strange people.

I was walking through the Airport with a large package and was stopped by an armed guard, he said "what are you carrying, Mam?". "A Mexican, blue glass jug" I replied. "A jUUg? What's a jUUg?" he said mocking my Northern inflection on the vowel. "A jug, you know, for pouring liquid" I said, as politely as I could for fear of being shot. "Ahhh, a pitcher" he said. "No, a jUUg!" I replied. "That's a great Coronation Street accent, you got there, Mam" he said. "Thanks very much" I replied.

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I reckon it would be a centre spread in The Metro.

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Do you mean Myfanwy?

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Steve41o0o0o0o0?

How come you never looked ME up, whilst visiting Mancunia?

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Do you think I'll be a veteran by Xmas?

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