THE BRITISH THREAD II

smorgs wrote:

...in fact I'm built like a gazelle!

A fat one, but never the less...

x

Aha.

The next time I'll be in Manchester, I really want to ...

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That made me laff out loud, Walter!

Strange that, you being German and everythink.

I wish you'd stick to National characteristics.

x

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Actually, I nearly came over just now to examine your gazelle-like outlook : today's plane from our local airport was late .... but just left

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I've had a hard day...

My hoofs are killing me!

x

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Do you want me for my 'white stripe on face from snout to eye'

or my 'white belly'?

(I just had a vision of Adam Ant???)

x

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What you on smorgsi?

Lucy in the sky with diamonds!

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I would never mention the "small white ...." I'm really interested in!!!

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*But perhaps it appears in my dreams now*

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Do you ever get that?

Completely random things occupying your brain?

This afternoon, I couldn't get Vlad the Impaler out of my head! Then (naturally) as the afternoon progressed I went on to conduct a whole interview with a very annoying woman (who wanted a job in marketing and has been unemployed for a year waiting for the 'right' job) thinking about Elizabeth Bartharoy, who bathed in virgins blood (allegedly).

Must be the job, eh?

I've developed a mask, I am able to look interested and attentive, whilst musing over the origin of the word 'eavesdropper'.

x

Am I a nutter?

Seriously, am I?

x

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Mathos wrote:

What you on smorgsi?

Lucy in the sky with diamonds!

Shut it, maythos!

You've got no imagination...

It's all 'air miles' with you, some of us have to travel in our heads.

x

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Mathos wrote-

Quote:

Listen **** for brains! My contention regarding this illegal war with Iraq is well documented. William Hague who endorsed the decision made by Tony at Blundering Bush's behest had a very strong letter from me regarding this little lot when he was leader of the opposition!

I should imagine, old boy, that your letter was opened by Mr Hague's secretary's secretary's mail-opening person and from there passed to the wastepaper basket after taking note of your address in order to send you some Tory Party bumf on which Mr Hague's handsome visage was depicted smirking sheepishly along with some shite about saving the NHS and educating our youth not forgetting the little slip reading-

Quote:

Mr Hague has asked me to thank you for your letter and your interest in Conservative Party policy and to wish you good luck for the future.

I am rather partial to fattish ladies. Especially chubbly-bubbly-pinkies of independent means and a high toleration of useless, inefficient men on whom to practice their art of persuasion.

Oh- and a dimple or two.

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D'you think I could get a job driving buses for Stagecoach?

Or a white van somewhere?

I'd quite like to be one of these people who check out hotels etc for travel companies.
Or a finder of locations for films. That'd be nice.

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Do you want me to do a jobsearch for you?

x

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smorgs wrote:

Do you want me to do a jobsearch for you?

x

Sure, ta.

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Hey I've just come back from the supermarket and do you know what really annoys me? There are only two sizes of trolley and the stupid lazy matrons of S Manc cannot be arsed or don't know how to stack them in the trolley area when they're finished with.
They give their 3-year-olds a toy where you have to fit different size plastic shapes into the appropriate holes, but the mums can't do it with trolleys and there are only two shapes to perplex them.
Shooting is too good for some of these people.
Thick as **** in the neck of a bottle, as my old pappy used to say.

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Jesus H Christ on the wall! (as my old Pappy used to say).

You're turning into a crumpy old pensioner, Muckty!

STOP IT!

It's not sexy.

Leiber unt let leiber (or whatever it is in German)

x

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Where is everyone?

Would somebody mind enetertaining me?

Shall we have a singsong?

Game of cribbage?

Backgammon? I'm a really good backgammon player.

More things you never knew about smorgs:

I'm interested in the Tudor period.

I have a good working knowledge of Catholic saints, in particular 'The Incorruptables'.

I used to make jewellery.

I used to be a bookbinder.

I have my bronze, silver and gold swimming medals.

I can speak a little Farsi.

I have to think about the word 'sachet' before I say it, in order to pronounce it properly, and you'd be surprised how often you say it.

I like musicals.

I like 'lemony' things.

What about you lot?
What are your little known facts?

x

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smorgs wrote:

Jesus H Christ on the wall! (as my old Pappy used to say).

You're turning into a crumpy old pensioner, Muckty!

STOP IT!

It's not sexy.

Leiber unt let leiber (or whatever it is in German)

x

What you mean, turning into?

There's a lot which isn't sexy about me. Embarrassed

But, however,

Gluecklich ist, wer vergisst,
Was doch nicht zu aendern ist.

as they say in Miles Platting.

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Lemony is good.

Like lemon curd, and that lemon meringue pie.

Fan-dabbie-dozie.

Stop it, Smorgs, I'm on a diet.

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Me too!

Now I'm thinking about lemon meringue pie... swooon.

I could eat a whole one right now!

I had healthy stir-fried veg and noodle for me T.

I swear this is a real conversation I had today (ask Eunuch)

Muslim customer to smorgs "do you fast during Ramadan?"

smorgs to Muslim customer "do I look like a woman who fasts?"

x

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THE BRITISH THREAD II

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