You get over here right now so I can put the smile on the other side of your face! <
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"You should have thought of that before we left the restaurant. I'm not stopping again 'til we're out of Pennsylvania"
A quote from my Dad, which became, for his repetition of it with appropriate locale changes over so many vacation trips, a running joke in the family, applied to just about any oversight.
To my Oh-So-Genteel-And-Proper Grandmother's dismay, my Grandfather, a distinguished attorney, delighted in announcing dinner to guests assembled in their very formal Big City Brownstone, with a bellow of "If you're going to eat, get in here and get to it. I can't wait all night to slop the hogs."
timber
Here's one of mine (for a paper I once wrote):
Your right to individual expression ends where my right to peaceful coexistence begins.
"Do I look like a maid?" -- an endless chain of mothers throughout history
Do you think you were raised in a barn, mom after I left the door open.
Do you think we are made of money, mom when she got home to find I had every light in the house on plus the TV, plus the radio.
If you are going to hoot with the owls you must then soar with the eagles. My boss after a late night on the town, meaning you had better be at work the next day.
Who can forget the chilling, guilt-fostering, dread-inducing;
"You just wait 'til your father gets home!"
Almost anyone's exasperated mother
Another which comes to mind is;
"Turn that crap down, Damnit!", something which, I like to think to my credit, I never yelled at my own kids, no matter how sorely I was tempted to do.
timber
The life that conquers is the life that moves with a steady
resolution and persistence toward a predetermined goal. Those who
succeed are those who have thoroughly learned the immense importance
of plan in life, and the tragic brevity of time.
-- W.J. Davison
First daughter, then aged 4, proud possessor of two identical plush dog toys:
"You are my prince. You are my love. Don't touch my dogs".
Work is good for you.Makes you wealthy, keeps you sound, and it'll keep you from sin. -My ma!
I will point out that I have TOUCHED her dogs (sometimes I managed to find spots that she couldn't) - dogs are safe, but father very much under a cloud.
"live your life like there is no tomorrow." - chris, 25. from md.
"it`s not what you know but who you know." - min, 23. from md.
"don't worry. it won't hurt."
- any doc or nurse with a needle.
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Herblock's Law: If it's good, they will stop making it.
I have never had premonitions, but I think one day I might.
--Lawrence
History does not repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other.
Time is relative, meaning good times go fast and bad times go slow.
Don't you wish some relatives were time and just go?
--Lawrence
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
If he says you're too good for him, believe it.
--Debbie Parson
Outside an auto-repair shop in Danboro, Pennsylvania:
"Wreck Amended."
A note on a taxidermist's window in New England boasts:
"We really know our stuff."
Take only what is given. Own nothing but your robes and an alms bowl.
Unless, of course, you have the closet space in the master bedroom.
Let your mind be as a floating cloud.
Let your stillness be as the wooded glen.
And sit up straight.
You'll never meet the Buddha with posture like that.
Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
From my Dad,
On whether to purchase cheap bits:
You don't buy drill bits, you buy holes.
Plumbing rules:
Righty tighty, lefty loosey.
Only tighten it till it doesn't leak.
On lending tools on the job:
There's only two places for tools, on your belt or in your hand.
On quality:
Sometimes they sell stuff that looks just like the real thing.
My parent's answering machine message 1990-1997 :
"We can't cake your call right now. Please leave your blame and number blafter the bleep. Ah Shucks, well I'm not doing it over....... (Beep)
From my mom:
the most devastating advice ever given to a child:
If you wouldn't do it while your mother was watching, it's wrong.
From my dad
the most horrific thing ever said to a brand new father (me)
So, you're a father now, well, no more nights without fear.
Joe
