1
   

Starting new

 
 
aljobob
 
Reply Sat 31 May, 2003 11:05 am
I'm starting with writing some stuff and this is a poem/song that I wrote that I like. If anyone has some suggestions on things that would be great.

-=Choices=-

I came upon the fork in the road
and don't know where to go.
Both roads are tempting but
I lost my map along time ago.
Which will be the better choice
just give me a sign to show me which
is the right choice and I'll go

The choices are too many and
the stakes are too high to lose.
I don't know where to go or which
one I should choose

Will I have the guts to even make a choice
or will I just stand here and rot away.
I had better make a choice
or road will never get paved.
and I'll be stuck here with nowhere to go.

The choices are too many and
the stakes are too high to lose.
I don't know where to go or which
one I should choose.
  • Topic Stats
  • Top Replies
  • Link to this Topic
Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 934 • Replies: 4
No top replies

 
Sofia
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Jun, 2003 09:11 pm
I thought it was nice.
Very similar to The Road Less Travelled, which is one of my favorites.
0 Replies
 
Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 Jun, 2003 05:34 am
aljobob- Welcome to A2K! Very Happy
0 Replies
 
aljobob
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 Jun, 2003 06:00 pm
Thanks Phoenix, this place seems kind of cool to try out some of my stuff and get some feedback.
0 Replies
 
Scarling77
 
  1  
Reply Tue 3 Jun, 2003 09:44 am
The only thing I can suggest is try to cut down on the amount of times you use the words 'choice' and 'choose' - try www.thesauras.com and see if you can find any other words that fit in. It's just, when reading something as short as that, you can't afford to repeat the same words over and over. It's like when writing anything, it can sound unprofessional and sometimes it can make it seem like not much thought has gone into the writing - whether or not it actually has.
Hope that helps a bit. And please don't take it the wrong way :wink:
0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

What inspired you to write...discuss - Discussion by lostnsearching
It floated there..... - Discussion by Letty
Small Voices - Discussion by Endymion
Rockets Red Glare - Discussion by edgarblythe
Short Story: Wilkerson's Tank - Discussion by edgarblythe
The Virtual Storytellers Campfire - Discussion by cavfancier
1st Annual Able2Know Halloween Story Contest - Discussion by realjohnboy
Literary Agents (a resource for writers) - Discussion by Craven de Kere
 
  1. Forums
  2. » Starting new
Copyright © 2025 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.04 seconds on 01/15/2025 at 10:31:20