Being a Christian and Masturbating

They are not naughty parts.
If God loves me, which he does, he will let me do as i wish(excluding murder etc)

Luckily Im not a Christian.

It it were God's will, it may be so. Where does God show that this is His will?

In the adds of the backpages of Hustler..

Through one of the Popes, if I recall correctly.

you are awful

Exactly what harm comes from masterbation and why would God not want us to do it?

He is probally tired of all the name calling



""ohh ....GOD OH ....................GOD .....................OHHH MY GOD!!!!!!!""

Sounds like youve got it down to a fine art!!

Good thing that everybody isn't Catholic

Even pitchers have to warm up before they get to go into the game

It's not just god that you have to consider:

Didn't God dare Abraham to spill his seed? No whacking!!

Nope. At least not in the bible.

Every Sperm is Sacred
___________________________________
And now you too can sing along!!!

DAD:
There are Jews in the world.
There are Buddhists.
There are Hindus and Mormons, and then
There are those that follow Mohammed, but
I've never been one of them.

I'm a Roman Catholic,
And have been since before I was born,
And the one thing they say about Catholics is:
They'll take you as soon as you're warm.

You don't have to be a six-footer.
You don't have to have a great brain.
You don't have to have any clothes on. You're
A Catholic the moment Dad came,

Because

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

CHILDREN:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

GIRL:
Let the heathen spill theirs
On the dusty ground.
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that can't be found.

CHILDREN:
Every sperm is wanted.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.

MUM:
Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Spill theirs just anywhere,
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care.

MEN:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.

WOMEN:
If a sperm is wasted,...

CHILDREN:
...God get quite irate.

PRIEST:
Every sperm is sacred.

BRIDE and GROOM:
Every sperm is good.

NANNIES:
Every sperm is needed...

CARDINALS:
...In your neighbourhood!

CHILDREN:
Every sperm is useful.
Every sperm is fine.

FUNERAL CORTEGE:
God needs everybody's.

MOURNER #1:
Mine!
MOURNER #2:

And mine!
CORPSE:

And mine!

NUN:
Let the Pagan spill theirs
O'er mountain, hill, and plain.

HOLY STATUES:
God shall strike them down for
Each sperm that's spilt in vain.

EVERYONE:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite iraaaaaate!

And to make sure we are all sufficiently feeling dirty.....

Sit On My Face

Well, if you are a farmer, you've got to make sure your plow works properly all the time, right? So you need to maintain it... periodically. Even when not plowing, to make sure it is in optimal shape come plowing time.
Now, in just such a way, man and woman are equipped with certain organs to facilitate... childmaking. But those organs should be cared for, and maintained, even when not making childs. (Strangely enough, this seems for women at least often equate to those times they have splitting headaches... Must be the stress) So we have to maintain and take care of these organs, so they are in optimal shape come child making time. And there is really one way to maintain said organs...

So masturbation is good.

Perhaps God made our arms long enought to touch orselves so he can test us. Like that whole evil fruit tree thing. Perhaps we are all going to hell when we die because we've touched ourselves - MANY TIMES!!! In hell we will all have short arms. Damn, that's scary!

Luckily, being a man, if I am well endowed... the small arms won't be much of a problem.