Chapter Six
Safety was here beyond the pale blue sky overhead from which Vleg was looking down her spaceship telescope and remarking to her Captain "Who is that bloke singing to the crowd behind the rubbish dump? He looks like abit of allright".
"That's Eddie" the Captain replied. "I'll wager that he is a great stud as well; look at that physique and listen to the authority in his mighty voice as he addresses the crowd with such compassion!"
Vleg swooned. When she recovered and reapplied her make-up, and adjusted her bra, she still could not believe how gorgeous Eddie was.
The Captain, realising that Vleg was besotted, hatched a cunning plan to emphatically and conclusively end the war as well as end all discomposure over who she should give her overdue favours to. He sent a swirling lazar transporter beam down to the planet surface - reminding Vleg of their true situation - caught up a surprised Eddie and deposited him right into their cockpit, and when Eddie saw that gorgeous figure of Vleg's and that smile of hers matching her incredible enthusiasm for his smile which was not forthcoming because Eddie was in a total state of shock from his sudden change of environment, well, he was nonplussed for the moment.
He looked at his surroundings and tensed, the atmosphere was charged with expectation and about to explode when Eddie inadvertently saved the day when he recognised the light in Vleg's eye and he burst out laughing, telling Vleg "You're not how I expected you to be!"
Everybody relaxed a little and began to make eye-contact with each other, even the uniformed mob on the other side of the control panel looking in were smiling.
They decided to rather nervously open a dialogue.
"Do you come to conquer this planet often?" asked Eddie, lighting a cigarette and approaching Vleg. "Listen, why don't we all coexist peacefully and enjoy life?"
Vleg was stunned! What were these strong feelings; why was she responding to the honey within his voice even though he was talking uter bollox [in her opinion].
"Yes, let's live while we still have a chance" continued Ed, noticing the effect that his words were having"...on this fine day, with the sun shining so brightly, right now we could be on the edge of a river and then maybe take a dip..."
Vleg's heart was hammering, and peace seemed not to be such a bad idea at that moment in time!
The Captain, overwhelmed by sentimental emotion, leaned back across the ship's control panel and inadvertently pressed against the lever that had just transported/beamed Eddie into the spaceship.
Poor Eddie was beamed back down to the surface of his planet just at the crucial moment when he was about to kiss Vleg on the lips and confirm their peace pact!
Landing upright [a la Star Trek] behind the now deserted rubbish tip, E suddenly felt so exhausted by his inter-stellar travels that he decided to have a siesta.
However, the noise was so loud from the rapidly descending Space ship that was homing in on Ed's last known whereabouts [on Vleg's direct orders!] that it disturbed his afternoon plans so he scratched his head and walked towards an old tin bathtub which had seen better days, yet, as he was very tired he decided to sleep underneath the bath which because it was made of tin which had peculiar qualities, infact it was the only substance that suffocated and thereby dodged the ship's sophisticated radar systems [there being no known thing equilivating to tin on Vleg's homeland]; and so it was that the erstwhile leader of the rebellion innocently slept while Vleg had her ship destroy commoners ruthlessly because she was very annoyed at the dirty underwear which was strewn across the bed in her spaceship bedroom [even though it was her own, by this point everything annoyed Vleg].
She stormed across the cockpit floor with a great clacking of all eight of her heels and screamed "I am so frustrated! I will destroy this whole bloody planet if I can't find that man.I'm frustrated! Frustrated! Frustrated! Er...in my time-scale to destroy this planet" she added with a sweet change of tone as she felt the penetrating but apologetic eyes of the Captain upon her.
Chapter Seven
Meanwhile Eddie...
Chapter Seven
Meanwhile Eddie was still dazzled from the brightly lit reflection of the shiny coloured spaceship in a puddle of clear rainwater that had collected under the bath and assailed his eyes upon awakening. He tripped over the debris of unlit mplotov cocktails left behind by the rebellious mob who had not had time to clear up before they had scattered in fear at their leader's sudden disappearance.
"Is there anybody left at all?" he called.
