Homes for unwed mothers.

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I met an interesting young woman at the park this morning. She was 26 years old and had a 10 year old daughter.

Her story was amazing: she grew up in a home with a mentally ill mother who allowed her to run wild. She got pregnant at 15 and was sent to a home for unwed mothers.

"It was awful" said she "but it saved my life."

She explained that the only thing she ever learned about parenting was from the staff at the home. She didn't think that either she or her daughter would have survived without that intervention.

I knew these places existed when I was a teenager but they were scandalous and rarely talked about. I was surprised to learn that they still existed all these years later.

Even more surprising was the fact that someone had such nice things to say about them.

During the course of our conversation she said that she believed that parenting classes should be part of the basic high school cirriculum - and not just for a section of one semester but a "for real hard core" class on what it means to be a parent.

The more I think about this remarkable young woman's story the more I think she may be on to something.

What do you think?

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she said that she believed that parenting classes should be part of the basic high school cirriculum

So, the kids can't learn algebra and chemistry, so we'll teach them how to parent? Is this the new low for the American education system?

Babies shouldn't be making more babies. Crying or Very sad

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"Remarkable" is a great word for it, and also a great word to descibe the people that run those places, people that are willing to put time and effort into women that society may otherwise shun and ignore. I didn't know places like this existed, but I'm glad that they are there, to give mothers a hand if they need it.
I wonder what she meant by "for real hard core" parenting classes? I've seen something like these once in a while when I accidently stop on Maury Povich, where they take a girl that wants to start a family, well before her 18th years they always are, and have them take care of a baby for a week or a few days or so. Naturally, they come out of it swearing they changed their minds, and they need to be older and more mature and whatall. I applaud the message, and agree that it should be taught in some form to high school students.

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Nobody ever got pregnant from learning what it means to be a parent.

A lot of kids today are growing up without parents, or with one parent.

I agree that kids should be having kids but they are. Saying they should doesn't make it so.

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I think that a mandatory parenting class, for both boys and girls would be very valuable. I also think that as part of the course, the students should have an few week internship in a day care center that takes babies, where they would learn what it means to be tied down with an infant, day after day. The young people might think a bit more before they had unsafe sex when they had a good sense of the realities of parenting.

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I can only guess what she meant by "hard core" parenting information.

I do know that my introduction to parenting came in an unusual manner and I didn't have a clue. Often I still don't have a clue. I asked a million questions and I still ask a lot of questions.

The biggest and hardest thing to learn is how what I do affects what Mo does.

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Phoenix32890 wrote:

The young people might think a bit more before they had unsafe sex when they had a good sense of the realities of parenting.

I think so too!

I remember when all of my friends starting having kids and all they did was complain and complain and complain.

I've always been a good listener and I took what they complained about to heart.

I was in my 40s before I became a parent and there are days where it still smacks me down.

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.bookmark

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listening, will be baaack.

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What Chumly said.

On thing though: It is time we start waking up to reality that there is a need.
Perhaps parenting classes in schools are not the best solution. Maybe it is. Maybe it one idea to test out, while trying others as well.

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I've been doing a little reading today and this woman's experience seems to be fairly unique. It really makes me want to investigate Oregon's "homes" a bit more.

Most of these homes seem to have been fronts for adoption agencies. A lot of them were walk in, pay your money, get a kid, no questions asked.

If a woman decided to keep her baby she was sometimes tossed out of the home.

When I was growing up girls often went to visit their "Aunt" which was essentiall going to one of these homes.

Times have really changed. These young mothers are no longer hidden away.

Good on that.

.......

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Mo's mom was homeless, living in a car, when she contacted me - her grandparent's ex-neighbor, to tell me that she was pregnant and needed help.

A lot of girls have no support.

Unwed mother's homes and orphanages seem so.... quaint? ..... antiquated?..... Victorian?.... specious?....

But sometimes I think we are letting young women down more in our throughly modern millyness.

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bookmark

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Oooops. I was thinking and posting and thinking while several responses were entered.

I'm pragmatic too. I would love to have a magic answer but there isn't one.

I hate to see the State, or, in my case, even worse, the Fed's take over such business of teaching people to parent.

But the fact is that it really isn't being done.

I read a really good book a while back called "Mothering Without A Map" about women who were LEARNING how to be mothers because their own mothers were absent physically or psychologically.

Reproducing is instinctive but parenting is not.

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Interesting...!

I'm all for "hard core" parenting classes. Not if it would displace algebra or whatever, but why would it? It would certainly seem to have a place in a health class curriculum, or sex ed, or any of the other currently-existing slots.

I've seen lots of references to a curriculum that involves caring for a sack of flour for (a week?) -- keeping it with you all the time, etc. I think the sack is 10 pounds.

I have a master's degree in early childhood education and the parenting classes I took while pregnant were still a revelation. And after my M.Ed and the parenting classes I was still whapped upside the head by this and that (a continuing process...)

Something in high school that would have the double whammy of a) preventive ("this is what it's really like") and b) corrective ("but if it happens, this is how you do it") sounds great to me.

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Here's something about flour babies:

http://www.education-world.com/a_curr/curr128.shtml

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Agree with soz (whatta surprise). I'd also like to see some basic finance classes, would that I had had one or two lectures on all that.

Oh, yeh, and basic logic...

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When I was in the 8th grade my civics teacher (do they still have civics?) spent the entire semester talking about Watergate and teaching us to do income tax forms.

Mr. Alexander was severly criticised for his lesson plan but to this day I remember more about what I learned in his class than in any other.

I think the flour sack babies are a good idea. I think they should be given to incoming freshmen and carried through the senior year.

I think the kids should have to "pay" for daycare and medical expenses and every incidental.

Truly it wouldn't have to be the focus of everything but brought in as a part of life.

Of course, the drop out rate would soar.

I think I'd better think it out again.

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They've got some programs here with those baby dolls that cry - with and without reason. I see kids with them on the subway sometimes. Fascinating to see/hear what will set those dolls off.

http://www.realityworks.com/254927e5-f50a-4cb0-afae-cb19d9a86069.cms

This blog has an entry on an encounter with one of these dolls.

Quote:

I was invited up to Bruce County for a few days to give two presentations on "Practical Parenting in the Real World" for the Children's Aid Society of Bruce County. A really cool group of high school students came out to the afternoon session. One of the students was toting along one of those dolls that's programmed to cry and otherwise demand attention in a surprisingly realistic manner in order to give teenagers a sneak preview of the demands of parenthood. It was the first time I'd ever encountered one of these dolls and I can tell you, this doll cried more often and more loudly during my session than any of the real babies in the audience! One of the other students told me that the doll had had her up four times in the night on Saturday night, so clearly they must change the batteries in this doll at regular intervals. (Either that, or they go for the batteries that just keep going and going. Trust me, you'd need 'em with this particular doll.) Anyway, it was fascinating to see how well designed this doll is and what a great job the student in question did in responding to her "baby's" cries -- deciphering whether it was the "cuddle me" cry, "the breastfeed me" cry, and so on. Totally fascinating stuff!

The Mother of All Blogs

my favourite parenting columnist (radio)

Quote:

MANDATORY PARENTING

Most schools try to give every student a well-rounded education, so they'll be prepared to make choices about their future. Students learn everything from their A-B-Cs right up to zoology. One thing they don't learn, though, is how to be a mother or father. Our parenting columnist Karen Horsman found out about a group that is trying to make parenting a mandatory course in schools.

archive link

recent columns including

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ossobuco wrote:

Agree with soz (whatta surprise). I'd also like to see some basic finance classes, would that I had had one or two lectures on all that.

Oh, yeh, and basic logic...

This is a good idea. In HS: finance classes were only for those in 'practical math'. That was where they put people who were failing in the other math courses! Didn't make sense.

Why don't we just ship kids into crack-baby homes and let them deal with that? It's not so crazy an idea. <ok>

At 12, people can take Babysitting Courses. You pay, get a certificate, go on your own time. Learn basic first-aid, mouth-to-mouth, all sorts of things on how to take care of kids. It's not a parenting class - but it's a good idea.

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Homes for unwed mothers.

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