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My Dad Looks Good in Black

 
 
Reply Thu 27 Apr, 2006 10:04 am
Aw-kah-awh ... I know it was him. He loved the woods, he loved being in the woods, in the out-of-doors, a running stream brought peace to his eyes. He loved the woods, but this morning he was on the beach, just after dawn, dressed in black. I know,(my oldest sister rolls her eyes) this ought to be entitled, Why Primitive People believed in Spirits, Part Six, but my father was on the beach perched on a little mound of sand watching as I slogged by in the morning light. All the seagulls flew off as I approached, flew off for fear or to find breakfast, I do not know, but the single crow amongst them stayed put, hunched a little as I came nearer and then said,
"Aw-kah-awh"
"Hi, Pop." I replied. He made a little nodding motion as I went by.

===
Some of you know this story and some don't, some have been told this story several times and have either forgotten it or they prefer to have it forgotten, but for those who have never been told the story, here it is, to be believed or not, remembered or not.

Outside our seventh floor apartment windows in New York is a ravine full of brush and trees. It is very uncitylike, a little hidden valley populated by chickadees all winter and wrens, starlings and nuthatches all summer. (Sigh) Yes, there are a lot of very city-ish pigeons, but on a happier note, they have attracted the occasional red-winged hawk and a falcon or two, who have happily lunched on squab for a day or so before moving on to greater heights in the Heights.

There are blue-jays, yelling at the feral cats who are just doing their job of de-ratting the area and lots of squirrels, both gray and the rarer, coal black variety. No, the coal black ones are not rats, they are squirrels. I did think a few years ago that I might have discovered a hybrid in our little ravine, but I have since seen them up in Ft. Tryon Park. Once, I saw a large parrot, obviously lost out of someone's window. He hung around for a couple of days and then disappeared. And there was the afternoon of the owl. He only stayed until nightfall.

The point of all this population reporting is to show that I do a lot of looking out my windows at the lifeforms and that I have never seen a crow. Except once.
===
There had been a message waiting for us when we had gotten home late that Friday night. Pop had struggled his last battle. There was too much, there was too little. They had tried removing the breathing tube, it was causing problems, but without it, he was gone in moment or two.

I didn't sleep much, in and out of dreams, like diving into waves, going under, feeling the power pass and surfacing in safety. About six am, before any real light has begun to penentrate the ravine, I got up and washed my face, then went to my chest-of-drawers for a shirt. At first, I only heard a movement, only saw a shadow, but then looking closer, I saw the crow sitting on the nearest branch to my window. He looked right at me.
===
Our family supposedly arrived in Virginia about the same time as John Smith, before the Pilgrims had packed their bags. I've been sorting through the various records and may have found the "crossing ancestor'', a nice fellow from a fairly large family in England, but there has always been a certain reverence for the Native American in our family. My father's mother always seemed drawn to Indian lore and one of my sisters was nearly obsessed by the idea that she was an Indian of some sort, but then people are interested in all sorts of things and little girls get obsessed, possessed with ideas great and small. And too, never in his life did my father mention any kind of spiritual connection with anything beyond his father's Methodism and the songs of Tennessee Ernie Ford. But... he did so love the woods.
===
The crow jumped to the window sill and cocked his head the way birds do when they want to really see something. He strolled a few steps then used one flap to get back onto the branch.
"Aw-kah-awh" It said.
"Goodbye, Pop,"I said,"Thanks for coming by."
And off he flew.
===
There are crows in Fort Tryon Park, they perch high up on the Cloisters, and there are crows in the trees just down the street by the subway station. They make a racket everytime they spot a wandering cat, but not in our ravine and not on my window sill, not before that morning and none since.

Okay,you say, your dad looks good in black, but how do you know it was him this morning?
Easy, I say, I recognized the accent.

===
And today was the day he married my mother, sixty seven or so years ago.
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George
 
  1  
Reply Thu 27 Apr, 2006 11:30 am
Thanks for telling the story, Joe.
I hadn't heard it before, but I've heard one like it.
And told one like it.
But not nearly so well.
0 Replies
 
littlek
 
  1  
Reply Thu 27 Apr, 2006 03:20 pm
Beautiful, wonderful story.
0 Replies
 
kickycan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 27 Apr, 2006 03:29 pm
I don't have time to read it now, but I want to come back later and check this out. You guys will remind me later, won't you? Thanks.
0 Replies
 
Joe Nation
 
  1  
Reply Thu 27 Apr, 2006 05:34 pm
Thank you george
thank you K


Kicky--read the story.

Joe(I owe you a Frying Pan drink. Friday Next?)Nation
0 Replies
 
gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Thu 27 Apr, 2006 06:14 pm
Nice story, Joe. When my dad died I took a long walk in the woods. All the family members had been gathered at the house and when he took his last breath everyone reacted differently. A few of my sisters collapsed on his body and sobbed uncontrollably. My mother stood behind them, massaging their shoulders. My brothers spilled out into the yard and tried to talk bravely, tried to maintain composure for some reason. The tears welled in their eyes and, because we're not a hugging family, they tensed up and tried to hold on, lest a slight brush would shatter them like glass.

I got into my car and drove out of town until I found a nice secluded spot and took a long walk in the woods. Several miles into the woods is a lake and as I walked high on top the hill I glanced across the water and saw an old man walking along the far shore. It surprised me because this was a very secluded area and people were seldom seen in these parts.

A noise above caused me to look up. It was a chattering squirrel. When I returned my gaze to the old man, he was gone. Vanished. No way he could travel 100 yards in the few seconds it took me to glance up at a squirrel.

I walked down to the area where I had seen the old man, never taking my eyes off the spot, but he never rematerialized. When I arrived at the location I examined the soft soil on the edge of the lake and discovered nary a footprint. Looking behind me I noticed my footprints clear as a bell.

I reckon that was the last time I saw my old man. Maybe he was trying to tell me something.

I wish he would have waved.
0 Replies
 
kickycan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 27 Apr, 2006 08:24 pm
Both of those stories are amazing. Wow.

Kicky(The drinks are on you, you say? I'm in!)can
0 Replies
 
Joe Nation
 
  1  
Reply Thu 27 Apr, 2006 09:08 pm
Gus,


maybe he was trying to tell you to never stop a'going


Kickycan,

down at the Pan if you want, elsewhere okay too. You say the time,...I'll be there.

Joe(Cinco de Mayo, my boyo)Nation
0 Replies
 
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Thu 27 Apr, 2006 09:14 pm
I was two when my father passed away. I don't remember anything about his death, but I have the picture of his funeral taken in front of the buddhist church in Sacramento in 1937. One of my uncles held me up in his arms. I lost my dad when I was two.
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Thu 27 Apr, 2006 09:34 pm
Very touching stories. We'd say "es menschelt"

I was a teenager when my father died,
but I never lost the feeling of missing him.
Today as much as then......
0 Replies
 
dagmaraka
 
  1  
Reply Thu 27 Apr, 2006 10:01 pm
and i'm terrified of losing my father. of being far away, while he's getting older, missing out on talking with him as an adult. i wanted to do his life history, as he always ruffles his feathers when we suggest he writes his memoirs ("you're burrying me already!"), but i'd need to sit him down for long interviews. i'm always worried something will happen after i leave for the states.
0 Replies
 
Joe Nation
 
  1  
Reply Thu 27 Apr, 2006 10:08 pm
The odd thing about this is the comfort I get knowing I might see the "right crow" at any moment. I can't tell you how many times I have scanned a flight a crows and said "Nope, he's not with them." So odd. So oddly comforting.

Thank you for reading, CI. Thank you for reading, CJane.

To lose your father as a teenager, to never know your father at all, which story cries out more?

A person may know and love hundreds or even thousands of others, but will have only one father.

Joe(Everytime I think my grief is over, he flies by...)Nation
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 27 Apr, 2006 10:17 pm
I will have to type outta here. My father is Many, but he is not a crow.



We all have many stories.
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Thu 27 Apr, 2006 10:27 pm
We never stop grieving, Joe.
When I read dagmar's post, I was nodding to everything she's
said, except it is reality in her case, and wishful thinking on my part.

I wanted my father to be there for me, to see me as an adult,
to approve of my life or what became of it, and most of all, to be a grandfather to my child - all very selfish reason, whereas I should
have been grateful for his death, as he suffered great pain in his illness.
0 Replies
 
littlek
 
  1  
Reply Thu 27 Apr, 2006 10:40 pm
Like Dasha, my dad is still alive. He's had angina/angioplasty and prostate cancer/surgery. He's healthier now, excersizing a lot and eating well, than he had been for decades. But, time has a way with people. I dread his death and my mom's.

My grandfather died a couple months ago. I paid tribute to him here on a2k. On his funereal pamphlet (whatever they're called) was a beautiful image of a hawk in flight. My uncle's eulogy ended with "fly, hawk, fly". After the mass we left for our cars, ready to head to the cemetery when we saw a hawk flying above the church in slow circles.
0 Replies
 
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Thu 27 Apr, 2006 10:44 pm
I look at the local obit once-in-awhile to make sure I'm still alive. Wink
0 Replies
 
gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Fri 28 Apr, 2006 06:28 am
cicerone imposter wrote:
I look at the local obit once-in-awhile to make sure I'm still alive. Wink


Who the hell are you trying to kid, CI? I figure you have at least thirty good years left in you. By that time you will have visited every place on earth with the exception of a small dairy farm in Wisconsin.
0 Replies
 
Joe Nation
 
  1  
Reply Fri 28 Apr, 2006 07:23 am
Dag and LittleK,

The wiser and cruelest thing our society does to it's children is never telling them that someday they may have to watch their parents age.

When Pop started getting older (78,79) I started doing the "What did you do then? thing...and got the same reaction as Dag... so I stopped asking questions, stopped interviewing and started listening.

Somewhere in the midst of a phone call about the weather and how cheap the pies were at the Big Y came the stories about his mother never knowing what his dad was going to bring home for Christmas dinner. (One year spare ribs, one year a giant turkey, some years nothing at all.) or how his first car had wooden spokes on the wheels (really. An Oldsmobile 1918)

These are the real stories, not the resume of jobs held or even honors earned (he was elected twice to the Presidency of the Manchester Coon and Fox Fishing Club.)

So even though you didn't ask for any advice, here tis:

start listening (and writing things down.)

Joe(or you can accept Gus as a surrogate father and be done with it.)Nation
0 Replies
 
Letty
 
  1  
Reply Fri 28 Apr, 2006 07:28 am
marking.
0 Replies
 
Joe Nation
 
  1  
Reply Fri 28 Apr, 2006 08:01 am
cicerone imposter wrote:
I look at the local obit once-in-awhile to make sure I'm still alive. Wink


What did you read this morning, yah old coot.?

Joe(sometimes a little meanstreaked)Nation
0 Replies
 
 

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