FraCtUred FliCks V: Crazy Casts

Great idea, Mr. Wizard. Marking for now.

Bret. Bret. What shall I do?

Your chance to recast some old films with a more "fitting" bevy of actors. You can have some fun with this, eb.

I plan to give it a shot. Just got home and have to get relaxed first.

The Wizard of Oz, starring ....

Alyssa Milano ... Dorothy Gale
Auntie Em ... Harvey Fierstein
Uncle Henry ... Steve Buscemi
Glinda the Good Witch ... Carol Kane
Wicked Witch of the West ... Madonna
Wizard of Oz ... Gene Hackman
Scarecrow ... John Heder (from Napoleon Dynamite)
Tin Woodsman ... Quentin Tarantino
Cowardly Lion ... Cedric the Entertainer
Toto ... Eddie from Frazier

Does the Wicked Witch of the West also wear her bra on the outside?

When I do one I have to skip over most young entertainers, because too often I don't really know who they are.

It's rather funny to stick one of the new young actors in an old classic. Like Keanu Reeves as Citizen Kane.

High Noon
Starring Bruce Willis as Kane

Jake Gyllenhaal as his bride

The gunmen:
Kiefer Sutherland
Matthew Perry
Leonardo DeCapprio
and Mike Farrell as Frank Miller

The deputy:
Gary Busey

Marshall's former lover:
Queen Latifa

Hotel owner:
Jerry Seinfeld

Some church members:
Betty White
Denzell Washington
Brian Denehy

Theme song by Brooks and Dunn

Oh, no, now I've got a vision of that movie in my head!

LAST TANGO IN PARIS
Don Knotts- Paul
Zasu Pitts- Jeanne

Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf

Sly Stallone as George
Betty White as Martha

"What a dump."
"You don' like my house?"

With Charlie Sheen and Cyndi Lauper

"I just want to have fun and you're always at me."

Midnight Cowboy

Adam Sandler and Samuel L Jackson

"Didn't you know? I'm a hustler."
"Boy, you're talking like a fool."

Lord of the Flies
Produced and directed by Mel Gibson

Actors of Our Gang crash land on an island. They quickly become two deadly armies, clashing on the field of battle.

"The Graduate"

Lily Tomlin as Mrs. Robinson
Jim Carrey as Benjamin Braddock
Joan Cusak as Elaine Robinson
Pierce Brosnan as Mr. Robinson

Benjamin gets seduced by Mr. Robinson. Mrs. Robinson sits at the bar the entire movie as Ernestine, commenting on the antics. Benjamin ends up on bus with Elaine, headed towards Brokeback Mountain. This can't end up well.

Ben Hur
Starring Billy Bob Thornton
Messallah: Lou Diamond Philips

Ben Hur gets off galley ship, fashions weapon and goes after Messallah. Messallah gets hit by airplane, with dying breaths, tells Ben Hur his mother and sister are lepers.

The Elephant Man
Starring Randy Quaid

"I'm not a durned animal. Now step back before I smash your heads in."

Gone With the Wind
Starring Shirley Temple
Bill Robinson
Jackie Cooper
Spankie McFarland

Them "old Yankees" are close to a war with the romantic south. Missie Scarlett persues Ashley (Cooper) on the playground. Bill Robinson's character lectures her on the unseemliness of her behavior. They dance their way up the stairs, where she is left seemingly alone. But Rhett (Spanky) is hiding behind a sofa giggling.

War breaks out. The gang is separated by the destruction of Atlanta, but are happily reunited on the playground once it's over.