Secret Exposed

cool!

(....poor guy)

did u happen to catch on that the guy was schizo, ive had problems with people grasping that in another forum and wondered if ne one actually caught on.

It's kinda hard to see the schizo part, but the fifth stanza sounds like it. Makes it more sad too...

yeah I did, thats why I said poor guy...dont know why anybody could miss these 2 lines- kinda speaks for itself here..

"Voices no one else hears speaks anew
He screams out for them to stop"

^fifth stanza was supposed to be the give away. i was kinda trying to get people to quit stereotyping people (particularly w/mental disorders) with this, so i had to make it sad. sorry.

I think there will always be stereotyping due to the lack of education in understanding brain disorders with certain individuals...

I like the song...or at least the words to it.

^thanx, i already realize about the stereotyping, but if i can make at least 1 person stop and think before doing it, then ive accomplished wat i wanted to.

at the moment this song is entirely lyrics. i dont know enough theory or have a well trained ear enough to write the music, but im glad u like the words.

you are welcome RG7 keep up the good work :wink:

by the way welcome to A2K

thanx

i wrote a revised version of my song using crits from the various forums i posted in. hope this makes it a little better. changes made in bold

SECRETS EXPOSED

Walking down the sidewalks
watching the children play
Cuts a corner, finds a pretty face
Decides to try just one last time
Past experiences race through his mind
As he musters the last of his courage

Ever since he was born,
He'd find a pretty rose
And run into its thorns
Once again his secret exposed

He's on his way to her
She's smiling at him now
His palms get sweaty with each step taken
His shaking lips wordlessly open
This new found flowere patiently waits
As panick once more flow through his veins

Ever since he was born,
He'd find a pretty rose,
And run into its thorns,
Once again his secret exposed

It's happening again
Voices no one else hears speaks anew
He screams out for them to stop
And away walks the girl of his dreams
She's just another thorn in his side
As he decides to surrender to the voices

Ever since he was born,
He'd find a pretty rose,
And run into its thorns,
Once again his secret exposed

This straw just shattered his heart
He no longer desires
Anything from this world
He loses himself in his mind
And lets the voices of his demise sing
As he lays and imagines life in his heaven

Of everything to which he was born
The thing that mattered most
Killed him with its vicious thorns
All that remains now is his ghost

...dunno about the 'decides to surrender to the voices' part
because in reality thinking about it, he actualy wouldnt get a choice to 'decide' or not...wouldnt you think? the rest is good though

that part was supposed to mean he quit tryin to fight them off. i think it really depends on the severity of his case. im not positive, but im pretty sure. evr seen "A beautiful Mind" its a true story and he learned to ignore them, even though he still saw them

no Ive never seen 'a beautiful mind'.... end of the day its your perspective view on him

^yeah. i guess so. its a pretty good movie. if u evr get a chance, u should watch it.

btw. does ne one else write songs for this site, or is it all poems?

yeah I think so...maybe use the 'search' on here

^k. ill try that.

sweet, c ya round the forum :wink: