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Fri 18 Nov, 2005 03:12 am
Playing With Fire
"Let's play a game," he said-
and you waited to see which form his cruelty would take.
"You set up the pins, and I will knock them down," he said-or
"I will be the hunter and you will be the prey," he said.
And you became small, waiting for him to find you
crouched in the darkness and
struggling to breathe.
"Let's play a game," he said-
and you waited to see which form his cruelty would take.
"I will be the husband, and you will be my wife," he said.
"I will tell you what to do, and you will do it," he said.
And you almost disappeared, buried in two arms
that held you like a grave,
a stone above your head.
"Let's play a game," he said
and you waited to see which form his cruelty would take.
"I will go first, and you will go last," he said - and then
"I will be the rock, and you will be the scissors," he said.
And when he raised his rock to destroy your scissors -you were gone -
blank as a sheet of paper and hovering,
you covered his rock-
and you won.
*by the way - not in any way autobiographical - my husband nothing like this - ever - thank god - just an assignment I had to place myself in the shoes of a person who has experienced something I haven't - I chose abuse.
quite an interesting piece.
I reads a bit like sexual abuse of a child.
Was this your intent?
Carlotta - Somewhat. I've been doing some reading on the psychology of those who are abused and those who abuse, and one thing that jumps out at me and I find really interesting is the fact that for those who develop "abnormally" sexually, and by that I mean people who exhibit dangerous or violent sexual compulsions, such as control and domination of another person that is not consensual- as is the case with abusers- and for those who develop into someone likely to be abused (there is a specific personality type that is associated with someone more likely to be chosen to be abused, because they are more likely to suffer abuse silently and/or unfortunately believe that they deserve to be abused) the trigger usually occurs in childhood, and the person seems to become stuck in their responses to stimuli in a particular area at whatever point they are at in their development at that time.
It seemed more striking to me to think about abuse in it's very beginning and some would say most benign form, although with the poem I hoped to show the damage that can be caused even at this stage or by this type of abuse. Watching certain children play, you can see indications of who they'll be or what they'll become by the roles they adopt and the way they intereact with other children-although bullies (abusers)are most definitely not always men and by the same token, women are not always the victim (the abused).
Unfortunately, having worked with at risk children and adult women who were abused as children and have matured into people who continue to be in abusive situations throughout their lives - I realize my ending is also probably more optimistic than is typically the case. Being the person I am-I had to insert some sort of solution or strategy to overcome the abuser. I allow that's where my voice intruded - probably why I was never chosen by an abuser to be abused.
Now you're sorry you asked, huh? Sorry to be so long-winded - I just find this stuff really, really interesting.
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