The Church of I Can't Belive Its Not Butter

You can't combat gluttony. Think of all the doctors and pharmaceutical executive who depend on income from obese patients!

My theory: McDonalds has stock in Lipitor.

John Kennedy inherited a dairy strike from Eisenhower. His first official acts upon taking office were to deal with the problem, which had reached the point that dairy farmers were stopping milk trucks on the highway and dumping the milk in the ditches. The solution was for the Feds to buy all surplus dairy products from the dairy farmers, effectively guaranteeing them a market for their production, whether they were efficient or not. The stuff was stored, and shipped out with U.S. aid packages to Latin America and Africa. When the government started handing out "welfare cheese" and butter, that was the source. During the Ray-gun administration, they attempted to solve the problem by having the Dept. of Agriculture buy up dairy herds and destroy them, in an attempt to get down to only the really serious dairy farmers. In the no-holds-barred capitalist greed climate of Ray-gun's days, however, it quickly became a saavy swindle to buy heifers at discount, and then sell them to the Ag Dept at the rather high Federal "fair market value." The buyers who sold to the Feds never laid eyes on the "herds" which they sold, and never paid a penny of feed costs, and usually didn't even pay the transport costs--pure profit. The feds then destroyed thousands of heifers which had never given an ounce of milk.

Ain't gummint a wonderful thing?

How would I know? I need guidance, and I mean divine guidance. The kind of divine guidance that you can enact in human law somewhere, like Virginia.

What if I'm a glutton for punishment? What will the Church do then?

-Cheers

Oh DrewDad. Everyone knows your an adherent to FSM. I think you're supposed to be a glutton.

Setanta honey. That gave me such a headache I had to go purge.

Now! On to the binging!

Hmmmm jstark. I'll try to set up a meeting between you and Sister Anorexia.

Not only can she offer guidance on the subject of gluttony, she gives a wonderful spanking.

KY jelly, spanking nuns . . . Boom, i'm beginning to wonder about you . . .

Everybody knows I'm a horrible person!

I really thought the Christians would line up with me on my anti-gluttony idea. I guess not.

Hmmm.

I think I'll scout out one of thos homo-hating churches in my area, print me up a sign that says "Gluttony Inspector" or something, stand outside the church on a Sunday morning and count fat people.

Of course, I'd better crash off about 10 pounds first or it will just be silly.

It's been shown that people who are rabidly homophobic are likely confused by their own homosexual feelings.

People confess their sins in a closet! Coincidence? I think not! What we need is a bucket in every church where people actually purge their sins. St. Bulimia & St. Anorexia protect (and spank) me!

jstark you are my kind of people!

Hmmmmm.......sex vs food....I feel a toy boy coming on ( a very intelligent, decent one, whom I shall grace with the fruits of my experience and conversation, for his edification, of course)....

Jeez, dlowan. I invite you to join the church and you show up trying to seduce the parishinors!

You're my kind of people!

And Lord knows we could use a good analyst around here.

Come on down, toy boys.
Come on down.








<giggle>

Ah-ha!

I knew the title would draw you in eBeth since you were around back when smacandless founded the COICBINB back in what.... 1999?

How is the Chevelle?

I'm not sure how the elders at my Church of Bacon feel about all of this.
I may have to convene an emergency council.

<withering smile>

Oh welcome LionTamerX. So you Bacos are still out there "ministering"?

Lovely.

What is your current sin-trend?

Don't tell me gluttony or I will kick your ass.

<pffft>

Wannabees.

Brothers and Sisters !

Until you have experienced transfattysubstantiation, you cannot truly see the light.

Repent thinners!

Can I get an Amen?

So I'm guessing the war on sloth went nowhere?

<snicker>

Riiiight.

Like you guys would wage a war on sloth.

Substitutions 12:23

And you shall know them by their bellies.

We are sloth.

What is this war on sloth you speak of ?

Exactly.

Diuretics 7:11

And a little child shall lead them (1) but don't worry about running into them at the pool.

(1) A little child, not a big fat baby fercryingoutloud.

<clearing vomitus from throat>

Can I get an Ahem......

Brothers and sisters, take and eat of the chromium and bitter orange peel in memory of me. And drink the caffeine....