Probate Question

What state was the deceased a resident of???

New Jersey

Send a certified letter stating that you prefer not to get an attorney involved, but that is your next step unless she starts communicating.

Yeah, I've thought of that, that's a great idea....

I'm trying to get my ducks in a row as to if a long enough time as passed that I can rightfully say I am overdue as far as being kept in the loop.

Also, to be honest, I'm in the position of giving her enough rope to hang herself. I wouldn't mind receiving damages due to the fact she was not performing her duties as executor appropriately.

Not to get into family dynamics drew, but I have to be very careful with this. This is a person who on more than one occassion stuck needles into my ears when I was a small child. I was not believed, not taken to a doctor and told that never happened.
That is what I mean when I say I don't trust the executor.

Yesterday I emailed another sibling to see if she has received any updates. If she has, then I'm in a position to say that I'm not being treated equally.

Well, I guess I've said too much. I'm over the emotional stress of the past, but that doesn't mean I haven't learned a thing or two from it.

Again, just wondering if by this time I am within my rights to take action.

Probate Question....
Chai: I agree with Drew wholeheartedly. Consult your attorney,and make sure you send this executor a carefully,legally crafted registered/certified
letter requiring a fully itemized accounting of the entire estate,plus your
share. Give the executor 7 days to respond by registered letter,then
when/if they don't,consult your attorney about prosecution,fines,or whatever the law calls for. Sounds like the executor is totally underhanded
and will be more than glad to screw you and the estate whenever possible.

If the rest of the family has the courage to agree,have you thought of,or explored the idea of having this person removed as executor,and a neutral third party appointed? The peace of mind might be worth it.

Since the probate would be handled in NJ and NJ doesn't supervise estate execution you have to go to the executor.

If you aren't getting anywehere with the executor you can go to the probate court and file a "Complaint for Accounting". You'd tell the probate judge that you've sent several requests for information and that your requests have been ignored. The judge would then (assumng they believe you) order the executor to provide a complete current accounting of the estate to the court. You would then be free to look at the court's copy.

If you find problems or think the executor is bleeding the estate dry you can sue to have the executor removed.

After our mother passed away, my siblings and I had a meeting about our mother's property. I'm the second oldest of four children. I said I didn't want any part of the property, and suggested that our sister get 60 percent and our older brother get 40 percent. My younger brother, a doctor, didn't need the money or property, so he agreed with my suggestion. Almost twenty years after our mother's passing, our older brothers children lived in the house and trashed it while our sister paid for the taxes. Before she sold the house, she had to have it remodled to bring it up to code. By the time she paid for the code requirements and the sales price, she barely came out ahead. Our sister never complained, but I saw the injustice of it all - even though we're supposed to be "family."

I have often heard of sibling in-fighting concerning the share of their parent's assets. I just didn't want any part of it.

Oh yeah, I'm no fool, I have all my requests in writing, proof emails and faxes where send, even one registered letter receipt from when I contact the attorney earlier on.

Actually, found out the executor was in Europe for the past 3-4 weeks from my other sibling....may not have read her fax yet.

It's not a fear of her draining the estate, it's more like the executor keeping some of what is mine.

Probate....
Chai : I believe you stated that the executor, was one who had tormented/abused you in the past ? If so,you're righ to be watchful.
Is there any way you could become appointed as a co-executor of the estate to have equal power w/your sibling ? It might be worth the time and trouble to keep an eye on her/him

oh honey, I've always had to be watchful of everyone in my family.

see, I wouldn't play the game....

Probate
:wink: I see. One of those all-American families.Seriously, it's time to
couvre votre derriere and dig in. Please make sure executor never gets one-up on you

Jesus, I can't believe I long ago I started this thread.

I'm sitting here with my feelings about myself divided between feeling like I'm a real chickenshit, and feeling I've probably done the wisest thing by letting the executor start to hang herself.

After the last post, I more or less put the pursuit of getting information on the back burner. Honestly, I'm a very healthy happy person and I can't believe how even the thought of having to deal with any family member (except one) ties my stomach in knots.

Last weekend, I called the executor about getting the tax statements so I could file, she hadn't gotten hers yet either, the accountant was just getting them out.

As long as I had her on the line, I again asked why I've never received any info...

her response "We sent that to you long ago...shortly after mom's death"

"No" I said, "You have certainly not. I have written, emailed and fax you, the attorney and the accountant, and have never received anything. Why would I have kept requesting this if you'd sent it to me already?"

She had finally screwed up by saying that..

I've written a letter to her and the attorney, all business, stating the facts and including copies of all written correspondence, emails and faxes.

At the end, I stated how I knew NJ probate procedures were treated in a more hands off fashion than in other states, but since she has ignored so many documented requests, I felt that was more than enough to substantiate she has made no effort as the executor to keep me as a beneficiary informed.

I gave them 15 business days to send me what I then listed, all simple reasonable things that would involve no more than reaching into the estates file.
I also said I did not want to incur the expense out of my pocket to arrange for an attorney to proceed with an accounting of the estate, so if that's what came to pass I would petition that the expense come out of her pocket, as I have proof on multiple requests being ignored.

I'm going to wait until tomorrow to mail it, certified.

To most people, what I'm doing looks like something that should have been done long ago, and with a clear conscience.

That just shows what a f*cking screwed up childhood I had that I can still sit here and worry that I'm the one doing the wrong thing.

I f*cking hated my childhood because it can still make me feel like this at the age of 48.

I hate having to deal with devious people.
I hate the fact my family is so devious and evil.

Chai--

Hold your dominion.

Thanks noddy, you don't know how much it means to me that you noticed.

I've been through two simple estate settlements complicated by vicious sibling rivalry. I'd figured on Mr. Noddy's family acting like Mr. Noddy's family, but I hadn't realized how much family greed was lurking in my family.

It was a Character Building Experience--but adults with firm personalities don't need major character-building experiences.

Fifteen business days? Under the circumstances, that is very fair.

I'll keep you in my thoughts.

I'd like to put my family and Mr. Noddy's family in a pit together.

We could sit on an observation platform out of harms way, and watch who kills the other first.

You bring the lemonade, I'll bring popcorn and a relish tray.

Chai--

You're on.

Of course one of the best go-rounds of sibling rivalry I've ever seen was more than 40 years ago when my first husband's grandmother died (with no more than the clothes on her back) and her three daughters devoted several afternoons to wrangling about which one of them had been offered the Persian Lamb coat thirty years earlier.

Mind, none of them wanted the Persian Lamb, but having had first refusal was a point of honor.

My SIL's (Let's call her Ann) brother was the CFO of a firm that everyone on this site would know (but I won't mention). He is rolling in money.

When their mother died, she left her coop to Ann. It was in the same building where my brother and Ann lived, but was a much larger place. They had planned on moving in there.

Although Ann's brother had a very bad relationship with his mother, seldom coming to see her, the old lady made both siblings executors. He became very upset when he found that grandma did not leave his kids anything.

As co-executor, he had to sign off on the transfer of the coop. He insisted that his daughters be given a portion of the estate, or he would not sign off. Ann had to sell the coop to pay off the S.O.B.

Money maketh murder--or at least it begets murderous thoughts.