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Sun 25 Sep, 2005 06:43 pm
This is my first post. Hope you enjoy!
wreckage
universal whisperings penetrate the spirit
heaven guarded by temptation, echo of a whisper
vibration resonates aligning the wards
we speak of planets they speak of loci
I am silent
I am silence
I am
I
pouring forth from outstretched hands
transforming into the universe
and she was
losing faith trading it for knowledge
I know
I am knowledge
I am
I
becoming the light?-nay the light replaced me
always was my realization of myself
ignorance doubt fear are fudge
I consume
I am consumption
I am
I
creating dark by obstructing the light for it is just lack
in poverty am I
umbral musings shade my eyes lest they be too open
whilst looking at my reflection as it morphs
punctuating existence with sudden death and slow decay
I die
I am death
I am
I
Brian, welcome to A2K. That was one great piece, buddy. Your diction was so unusual, and I really like the way that you end each stanza with "I".
The first line in the last stanza could use a little reworking, but in its entirety, it is very, VERY good
Thanks for the feedback!
I'll see what I can do about the line you mentioned.
Overall, a very worthy effort. You might in your spare time tinker with it a bit, but I like it.
I believe our Brian is a Brit, edgar. <smile>
Actually, I'm a Californian.
Well, invite Brian to the station, Letty.
Oh, my goodness, Brian. I think it was the word "whilst" that led me to assume you were from the mother country.
By all means, join us on WA2K radio, Brian. I am just getting ready to say goodnight with a song, but we offer everything on our virtual radio station WA2K radio.
I didn't even remember writing whilst. Hmm... Maybe I'm a wannbe Brit.
Tell me more about the radio. Will winamp see it if I searched? Or is it not net based?
Here's the link, wannabee Brit. Our radio is right here on A2K:
http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=1587581#1587581
Hope this works.
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