The Onion

I don't read the Onion.

Can I put quotes in from Viz instead?

But of course.

Thank you.

Trump Demands Staff Get King Of Hormuz On Line

WASHINGTON—In a bid to regain access to the sea passage through which ships enter the Persian Gulf, President Donald Trump ordered staff to get the King of Hormuz on the line, White House sources confirmed Monday. “Put me on with the royal leader of Hormuz, ASAP—I need to convince him to reopen his water,” said the commander-in-chief, assuring aides they must have the royal family’s contact information somewhere since he’d spoken to the Crown Prince of Hormuz many times before. “I plan to warn him that he doesn’t want to take his chances on a war between Hormuz and America. After all, we are two of the world’s greatest superpowers and have long-standing diplomatic ties. I remember him being a very reasonable guy, so I am simply going to remind him what happened when Mr. Panama tried to test me.” Trump added that if he did not hear back from the King of Hormuz within 24 hours, he would have no choice but to attack the capital, Hormuz City.