Untitled

I am so alone
despite everything
I am so alone
I can't breathe
I want to suffocate anyway
to die alone
maybe then he will notice
maybe then he will see me.
sorry he says
sorry for what?
for making me cry
or hate myself for a weakness
I can't control
or lie and keep saying its ok,
I'm ok
then hang up the phone
without thinking
without knowing
and I can't stop the tears,
the tears that run down my face
in the raw emotion that somehow
escapes him every time
every time
and he asks am I ok
and I barely above a whisper
say yes, I guess
and he dismisses me
dismisses my face
torn with sadness
dismisses the tears in my voice,
the sad little girl who doesn't
want to be left behind
who can't stand the darkness
and I curl up on the bed
with my heart in my hands.


I am so alone
so alone
so alone