Sat 23 Apr, 2022 12:52 pm
I don’t know how to sexually identify myself and I want to be the truest version of myself. I’ve never been a truly sexual person. A lot of masturbation of course, lol, but not any sexual encounters. Im not sure if this relates to my problem or not, but as a kid I was molested by my male cousins and a lot of those memories recently came flooding back with the onslaught of covid and my introduction to MJ. I kept replaying encounters in my head, over and over, missing my college classes, laying in bed all day, depressed, confused. At this point, I’m questioning my whole life. I have a girlfriend and we’ve been on and off since 2018 and we’re currently engaged. So now I’m confused about who I am sexually and I’m in a committed relationship, where do I go from here. Well I eventually broke down to my mom uncontrollably crying and telling her what happened to me because no one knew. I’ve told my fiancé and closest friends, but not all my family. Guys turn me on, women turn me on, but I’ve never had any sexual experience with men that wasn’t forced unto me, so I don’t know how I would react in relationship or sexual encounter with another man. I’m engaged, but I’m still attracted to both men and women, but I’m very hesitant and even careful not to express my bisexuality to anyone who I’m not close to for fear of being treated differently I guess. It’s very hard for me to admit my bisexuality to other people and I thinks it’s because I may be ashamed of it, even though I have never been with another man before. It’s really weird, but I stay in the south and ultimately people just aren’t accepting to new things. Has anyone been through this before, can I get any advice or tips? Basically, I think I’m uncomfortable with my bisexuality and expressing that to other people for general fear. I even refer to myself as straight sometimes, but mainly because I haven’t been with a man sexually before. Does that matter? Can I express that I’m bisexual and still be married to a woman without that disrespecting her. Sometimes I feel like I’m not able to be myself for fear or upsetting or making her uncomfortable, but I have to be true to myself too though right? Please any advice helps guys.
I don't think your sexual identity is anyone's business. If you are planning to marry you need to be honest with your wife, just to make sure you are both knowledgeable and agreeable. Since you are not really sure about your feelings, a knowledgeable therapist might be very helpful. Don't agonize over what might be, find out a way to live comfortably with yourself.
By the way, attacks by your cousins are not sexual adventures, you were assaulted, that's what happened, it was not a normal thing. Your cousins were jerks.