Best friend/girlfriend and I injured each other in sport, how should we move on?

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So my best friend and I do full contact combat sport together (I'm a guy, she is a girl), we're fairly experienced and about the same skill level. We're still technically best friends but we have also kissed and I feel we're both interested in making us official, neither has just asked that question yet.

We were in a sparring competition not long ago and ended up facing each other (not very common in this sport, but it happened). We both had a bit of personal things going on in our lives coming into it (not related to us being friends) and so weren't in the best mental state going into the match. We ended up physically hurting each other quite a bit (cuts, bruises, a few fractures) because we both wanted to win and got ourselves worked up during the course of the bout. We didn't break any competition rules or anything, and we only realized the state of our injuries after the match because of our passion/aggression/adrenaline during the match.

So the issue now is how best to move past the fact that we physically hurt each other quite a bit, and repair any damage done to our friendship. We're both upset at having hurt each other but we both entered the competition willingly and were fully aware of the potential dangers. And with us possibly starting a relationship (fingers crossed) I'm conscious of being aware of the difference between full contact sport and physical abuse. We'd never hurt each other outside of this sport or training, I'd say we're very respectful and non-violent people, but at the same time because we're both quite inexperienced relationship wise I want to make sure we get the balance right between our love of this sport and for each other.

The other thing I've thought about is from a social perspective our friends, family etc and their specific reactions to a us having visible physical injuries from time to time, because that is just the nature of the sport. For example, I'd hate for my friend's parents or friends to think that I am a violent or abusive boyfriend and vice versa.

In terms of next steps what should we do to pave a path for long term?

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[+3] - engineer - 04/19/2022I don't think you need to do anything. You were engaging in a sport where you were evenly matched and both of you did your best. Your injuries are pretty much what you expected so it's not like...

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@LDeleon,

LDeleon wrote:

So my best friend and I do full contact combat sport together (I'm a guy, she is a girl), we're fairly experienced and about the same skill level. We're still technically best friends but we have also kissed and I feel we're both interested in making us official, neither has just asked that question yet.

We were in a sparring competition not long ago and ended up facing each other (not very common in this sport, but it happened). We both had a bit of personal things going on in our lives coming into it (not related to us being friends) and so weren't in the best mental state going into the match. We ended up physically hurting each other quite a bit (cuts, bruises, a few fractures) because we both wanted to win and got ourselves worked up during the course of the bout. We didn't break any competition rules or anything, and we only realized the state of our injuries after the match because of our passion/aggression/adrenaline during the match.

So the issue now is how best to move past the fact that we physically hurt each other quite a bit, and repair any damage done to our friendship. We're both upset at having hurt each other but we both entered the competition willingly and were fully aware of the potential dangers. And with us possibly starting a relationship (fingers crossed) I'm conscious of being aware of the difference between full contact sport and physical abuse. We'd never hurt each other outside of this sport or training, I'd say we're very respectful and non-violent people, but at the same time because we're both quite inexperienced relationship wise I want to make sure we get the balance right between our love of this sport and for each other.

The other thing I've thought about is from a social perspective our friends, family etc and their specific reactions to a us having visible physical injuries from time to time, because that is just the nature of the sport. For example, I'd hate for my friend's parents or friends to think that I am a violent or abusive boyfriend and vice versa.

In terms of next steps what should we do to pave a path for long term?

"...a few fractures!"

Ya gotta be kidding us.

1 Reply

@Frank Apisa,

I know it does sound intense but it is actually very common in this sport, and in our time we've both had plenty injuries from matches with other people as well. For example, if you're kicking or punching and the other person happens to block with their knee or elbow, you can say hello to a fractured toe or finger, that is how easy it is if you're not careful. They aren't usually severe fractures that will prevent you from day to day activities.

Sounds like we've got some challenges ahead of us?

1 Reply

@LDeleon,

I don't think you need to do anything. You were engaging in a sport where you were evenly matched and both of you did your best. Your injuries are pretty much what you expected so it's not like you went out of your way to be excessively violent to each other. Next time you see her or text, say "Wow, still sore from that whopping you put on me!"

1 Reply

@engineer,

I tend to agree. We definitely had no intention of hurting each other, but we both definitely wanted to win and so weren't holding back because it was a competition after all. I'm no sport coach but I am guessing there is a line between competitive aggression and aggression where you want to hurt the other person, for example using underhanded tactics.

That said we're both conscious of how family and friends may look at it, especially if they have little understanding or appreciation for combat sport. For example I asked my cousin what he thought about our situation, and he told me if his sister's bestie or boyfriend physically hurt her, irrespective of how, he would lose all respect for him, and a strongly worded conversation or ass kicking would be involved (not sure in which order). Not how I'd react, but I guess he has a fair point, you want to protect those you care about. But then again, we could be doing a non-combat sport like partner dancing and one of us break their leg during a routine, again who's fault would that be, anyone's?

I don't know, it's a tough one.

1 Reply

@LDeleon,

I think the only person you need to worry about is your girlfriend and she might be angry if she thought you were holding back. You went all out because you respected her ability to hold her own. That's a good thing. As long as she is good, everything is fine.

1 Reply

Your relationship is based on a giving and receiving negative strokes in a most violent form. Go to a psychotherapist and find out why you want to give and receive negative strokes and then change your decision made in childhood. There are many bad sitcoms based on couples insulting each other. People think it's funny, but it's not and neither is beating each other up physically. This is an extreme form of giving and receiving negative strokes.

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@coluber2001,

coluber2001 wrote:

Your relationship is based on a giving and receiving negative strokes in a most violent form.

I didn't get that from the original post. Their relationship seems to be based on common interests and joint activities. One of these is a contact sport and that's ok. It's not a lot different than if they played against each other in soccer where there is a fair amount of contact and risk for injury. In this particular case, they ended up facing each other but that doesn't seem to be a usual thing.

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@coluber2001,

I'm not sure what is meant by negative strokes, but if I understood correctly we are definitely not doing combat sport together so that we can vent frustration or to hurt/insult each other in any way. It is a sport for fitness, self defense and mental well being and we enjoy doing this together. We do other activities as well that we both like. Let me know if this helps clarify things? Surely just because we are considering starting a relationship we shouldn't stop training together or one of us find another club, that would seem a little extreme wouldn't it?

0 Replies

@engineer,

Ok that does make me feel better, if it comes up I'll try to explain it like that to whoever's concerned and hopefully they'll get it too. Thank you

1 Reply

@LDeleon,

You don’t say how old you are but it seems that right now, you two are pretty equal in your abilities, strength, and skills.

This will change as you get older. Keep that in mind.

2 Replies

@PUNKEY,

That is a good point. I hope as they get older the competitions move into gender specific groupings.

0 Replies

@PUNKEY,

Sure that's fair enough. Then again, hopefully I don't end up getting fat and she runs circles around me Smile

0 Replies

"Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword!"
-- Oscar Wilde from The Ballad of Reading Gaol

Apparently, some do it with a fist and a foot.

0 Replies

@LDeleon,

No more contact. You will never be the same.

0 Replies

@LDeleon,

i dont see the issue tbh you both knew what could happen and it wasn't intentional

0 Replies

Best friend/girlfriend and I injured each other in sport, how should we move on?

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