Is it superficial for a woman to not want to date a guy if he doesn’t pay for the first date?

@NealNealNeal,

1. I see no evidence that a "relationship with God" has any benefits in marriage or any other type of relationship. I was very religious in my younger days, and was surrounded by people who constantly talked about their relationship with God. They still had at least as many issues as any other human being. In my experience religious people are just as nasty, abusive, manipulative and selfish as anyone else.

2. The problem with a "relationship with God" is that it makes self delusion much easier. I have found the people who have a relationship with God are less likely to admit when there is a problem or to take responsibility. I have seen godly people **** up their marriages in a spectacular way.

In my personal experience, it is much easier to be honest with myself and my partner without the added burden of trying to constantly worry about an all-knowing third party.

3. You misunderstand what a prostitute is. The whole point of a prostitute is to have sex while avoiding a personal relationship.

As Heidi Fleiss pointed out, you don't pay a prostitute for sex . You pay her to go away afterwards.

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

Max,
One of the greatest joys in my life is seeing my sweetheart's face light up when I do something for her. Sometimes it means that I give up something I want to do for myself. However, I choose to place her needs ahead of my wants.
I also know that God is glorified when I am a blessing to her.

1 Reply

@NealNealNeal,

You can pleasure a partner without God. Hopefully your wife pleasures you as well.

Whether you are talking about oral sex, or breakfast in bed, giving and receiving is a wonderful part of human intimate relationships. It feels great to give. It feels great to receive. There is no belief in God required to experience this.

Dan Savage talks about sexual relationships being GGG (good, giving and game). I think he expressed the sexual part of this as good as anyone.

1 Reply

I find it a little unsettling to think that God is present when I have my head between my partners legs to pleasure her with my tongue.

God certainly is not necessary at the moment I do this for her. I would rather He turn away... just for a bit.

0 Replies

@maxdancona,

Ok, Max
However, my testimony is that the best personal relationship a person can have is with God. 😁

1 Reply

@NealNealNeal,

NealNealNeal wrote:

Ok, Max
However, my testimony is that the best personal relationship a person can have is with God. 😁

Not sexually.

I don't think you can compare a "relationship with God" with a relationship with a person.

God is never wrong. He is jealous but He has relationships with other people. He wants to be worshipped and insists the relationship to be all about Him. He doesn't respect boundaries and checks on you to know what you are doing at all times.

I would never accept that in a relationship with another human being.

0 Replies

@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

What is this behavior motivated by then?

We could easily imagine a person who would never sit on a bus if there was someone with a beard that was standing. That would be odd, there is nothing about having a beard (on an otherwise healthy adult) that would necesitas being seated any more than any other person.

Sure, it doesn't make sense that this is due to a desire for sex. But I don't see any other reason that makes logical sense either.

I'm sure you don't. It's motivated by a desire to take care of and protect a gender who generally have less physical strength and also by a feeling that women deserve certain special consideration and deference. It's not completely easy to put it into words, but it would be something like that. BTW, if you try to pick it apart in an effort to find some defect in the thinking, I won't play.

0 Replies

@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

If I pay for the date, I expect sex afterwards.

LMAO

0 Replies

@Medusax,

Medusax wrote:

I did not date much, but when I did, I paid for myself. That solved the problem of being expected to spread my legs. I am thankful to be older and out of all that mess.....

No kidding!

1 Reply

@Mame,

Mame wrote:

Medusax wrote:

I did not date much, but when I did, I paid for myself. That solved the problem of being expected to spread my legs. I am thankful to be older and out of all that mess.....

No kidding!

I feel the need to point this out...

There are older people who actually enjoy sex, and many of us still seek it out. Being sex positive does not have an age limit.

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

We actually were referring to the set of expectations on dates, especially first dates.

2 Replies

@Mame,

As well as from men who date only for THAT expectation. Go hire a hooker. It will eliminate the "preliminaries".

1 Reply

@Mame,

Mame wrote:

We actually were referring to the set of expectations on dates, especially first dates.

Any adults who go on a first date without an expectation of eventual sex is being either naive or cruel or both.

You are right about the first date. There is a more reasonable expectation after the third date. But if you're not interested in a sexual relationship with someone, you really should tell them that before they drop hundreds of bucks on you.

1 Reply

@Medusax,

You are being silly. There is a difference between a long-term sexual relationship and a short-term fling. A a prostitute is one of the cheaper options for getting sex, but it eliminates the fun of the chase and it takes away any chance of a meaningful long-term sexual relationship.

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

Mame wrote:

We actually were referring to the set of expectations on dates, especially first dates.

Any adults who go on a first date without an expectation of eventual sex is being either naive or cruel or both.

You are right about the first date. There is a more reasonable expectation after the third date. But if you're not interested in a sexual relationship with someone, you really should tell them that before they drop hundreds of bucks on you.

Dates are an expression of interest in both parties. It's a chance to get to know each other and find out if you're compatible or if either has enough interest to go on a second date and explore further.

A date does not have to involve "hundreds of bucks". The first date could be bowling; the second could be her making him a meal. The third could be a card game and pizza. A walk in the park, a coffee... a bike ride.

And what is this about - "there is a more reasonable expectation after the third date."? Dates are for getting to know someone. What if, on the third date, your female friend started interrupting you rudely, thought the earth was flat, or admitted she wore a tinfoil helmet? Would you still expect her to 'put out' or would you just want to say goodbye?

Just like any friendship, sexual or love relationships take time. You need to build trust, know who the other person is, etc.

Jumping into sex on any certain number of dates because you've 'dropped money' on her is something I've always recommended my daughter watch out for. And it's really bad because when you put that suggestion out there, your date gets it and either feels obligated or the dating is done, by either one of you.

There is no set timeline for chemistry and trust. It happens when it happens, if it happens. So I suggest the next time you want to date someone you don't 'drop hundreds of dollars' on her and just take it easy and get to know her. Go for a coffee. That's what - about $3.25?

1 Reply

@Mame,

Nah Mame, I think you are being rather naive. And you must know that I am being somewhat tongue in cheek while responding to the rather silly topic of this thread.

There are lots of types of sexual relationships. Some of them involve jumping into bed after a couple expensive meals. Some of them involve jumping into bed after 10 or 12 coffees and time to develop a relationship through talking. And of course, some attempted sexual relationships turn into nothing, especially if one's intended partner turns out to be unacceptable.

Your script is rather nice and safe. Not all people like nice and safe when it comes to sex. Sometimes the script of "man pushing himself on reluctant woman" is outdated. Women are now allowed to want sex.

What if your daughter has 6 dates with a man and wants to have sex with him. Suppose that he is waiting and your daughter is getting frustrated, what would you advise her then?

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

My daughter can do whatever she likes. I don't give her advice unless she asks my opinion.

People can have a fling, a one-night stand, whatever. That's not what this thread is about. It's about 'expectations'.

I think we know where we stand, so no need to continue this conversation.

1 Reply

@Mame,

This thread is specifically about the expectation that a man pay for dinner. I simply suggested that if she expects a man to pay for dinner there is an implicit understanding that sex is involved in this transaction. If that isn't the case then why should a woman be able to demand that a man buy her anything

I think Mame and I agree that in the case where two people go out for coffee, that transaction doesn't apply.

0 Replies

@maxdancona,

Nothing "silly" about it. And in what universe does a man "drop hundreds of bucks" on dates? LOL!!!

1 Reply

@Medusax,

Medusax wrote:

Nothing "silly" about it. And in what universe does a man "drop hundreds of bucks" on dates? LOL!!!

In my universe it is not unusual for a man to spend at least $100 on a first or second date. A nice dinner and a glass of wine in a decent restaurantis difficult to have for less than that, at least around boston.

2 Replies

Is it superficial for a woman to not want to date a guy if he doesn’t pay for the first date?

Quick Links

My Account

able2know