What ONE thing would you have liked to learn early in life?

I am saying I am one of those people who want to "save" everyone from themselves. I always want to help and it took a long time for me to realize that you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. Understand?

BBB
Spendius, I did not say even once that people should rely on thinking for themselves, so please don't twist my words to support your flaming tactics.

I also didn't advocate protection to save people from themselves. I did advocate teaching people how to recognize manipulation against their own self interest so that they can take responsibility for their own actions.

You may want to refresh your knowledge of the difference between thinking for one's self and critical thinking and understanding logic.

BBB

Hi, I can't click on to the next page here, so pardon me for just jumping in.

In anthropology I learned that any culture will present two sides of itself. Verbally, they will tell the anthropologist all the best and noblest aspects of their society and claim those are the things they value.

But upon close inspection of their behavior, it's clear that their actions are often far from their stated standards.

In other words, there are two worlds: the ideal and the real.

If I had known about the "real" world, it might have saved me many tears and much naive-busting pain.

dupre, That wise saying, "don't believe anything you hear and only half of what you see" holds true with most social analysis.

BD:-

Yes.I understand.The trouble is that the only ones who want to be saved are those in trouble in some way.I dare say anybody like that would welcome your advice.Confident people,even if misguided,will not.

It is a nice characteristic though and I'm sorry it has caused you heartache.I wouldn't lose it if I was you but I might tune it a little.

Regards.

Splen -

A conversation on a bullitain board is not a tête à tête. I didn't think it was appropriate on this thread to argue what one thing another wanted to learn was 'right' or not. I try to keep my responses on other threads on topic because it can get off topic and do disservice to the thread and to the question being asked.

You can think of me as a control freak and a preacher if you would like - if you knew the worst about me you would probably have mentioned those things too.

TTF

Yeah, I just try and remember to protect myself. I still want to help but if the help is refused, I don't worry about it.

I really believe that manners and social graces should be brought back as a mandatory class. I'm not talking about over the top knowing what each of the 15 pieces of silverware on the table are for, but some basic knowledge of what is socially acceptable behavior at certain functions. I am increasingly noticing a trend of students graduating from high-schools and colleges that have no clue how they should dress for a job interview or how they should even properly fill out a resume. No one seems to remember how to act in restaurants or movies or public places or any type of social gathering.

Two things:

1. Have more self confidence - its better to try and fail then not make the attempt, have few regrets and mostly for what you didn't do rather than what you did.

2. Life seems to me to go in seven year cycles, recognise what your life priorities are likely to be in each cycle as early as possible! Don't exist without a longer term life plan and gain fore-knowledge about what your life goals are likely to be, and how they will change over time ASAP. It helps to know how to fulfil them ASAP too!

Hope that helps!

Kinda goes along with the self-confidence and "can't change others" that have already been mentioned, but I wish I had learned earlier that people are just people.

We all have our own demons, problems, needs and perceptions. Life is a process by which each of us works through these things, at our own pace. No one else has the same experiences, spirit or mind and therefore no one else is going to be like you, nor should you attempt to make them more like you.

People are just people. Each is on their own path, which may at some time cross with yours. You don't have to accept behavior from them that interferes with you traveling on your path, but you can accept that their behavior is part of their path. You can attempt to assist them in moving along on their path, but ultimately it is their choice, and they won't move further on their path until they are ready to do so. (Which goes back to the earlier comment that it may not be possible to teach certain concepts if they aren't ready to learn them and have had life experience)

Basically, accepting people as just people in this way has given me self confidence and sympathy towards others. Their judgement of me no longer matters. That may be their perception of me, but I don't agree with it and they don't define me. I define me. No need to judge others, cause that is the path they must travel to learn whatever it is they are needing to learn. I can try to help get them get to that point, but I can now do so in a non judgemental way.

Just like me, they are just people. They may be famous, brilliant, smart, rich, or just the girl at the register at McDonalds. All just people, trying to get through.

g_day, If any individual didn't make mistakes, it's because they haven't learned anything. I've had my share of failures, but my successes have been almost surreal. As for your second paragraph, I guess some people's seven year cycle can begin late and slowly. To make a long story short, I barely graduated from high school, but ended up working most of my professional career in management. That is untypically slow. LOL

At what stage should a life plan start? Imagine if at primary school someone gave you a typical life plan divided by cycles along categories that covered friendships, dining, skills, education, travel, financial wealth, family etc - say < 15 relevant topics over the course of your life and gave you 10 slices of a 70 year life span.

So cells for ages 15 - 21 may be dominanted by freindships, finding yourself and sexual experiences - not wealth - this is finding your adult self, first jobs or university and getting laid...

Get them used to what to expect and what some of the biggest decisions they face for each of these (in this example) 10 phases of their lifecycle - then get them to think about their own lifeplan and where they want to emphasis their priorities.

I've heard that more teenagers experiment with sex today compared to our generation - some as young as 14. I'm not sure how they can be given an orientation on 15 year cells/segments of their life, because they're going to do what they are going to do with or without guidance. *** When life spans were much shorter, people got married at a much earlier age. When people now live to be over 100 years old, I'm not sure how one can organize cells into 15 year segments that has much meaning - IMHO. Many cultures in Africa still have life spans of less than 40 years.

Could a sociologist adjust for this by nationality.

I mean from ages 1-7 your wants are pretty simple, - primary want - love and lots of attention from Mum & Dad and friends.

From 8 - 14 - get thru school quickly to get to the fun stuff, avoid work, get maximum fun, hang out with cool folk and be noticed

etc...

From 15 - 21 - be cool, get laid, don't flunk school, have $$$ without too much work, experiment etc...

From 22- 28 - see the world, make many new friends, buy a car, go to parties - know what to do about sex, be more self assured - try and find a job that makes more $$$, plan neat holidays

From 29 - 35 - think about a life partner and family - **** that means a house and a real job, or be footloose and see the world...

etc

It seems a good alternative to the 15 year cells, but many poor countries don't have the wherewithal to provide their children with the education or economic stability for their later years.

Re: What ONE thing would you have liked to learn early in li
Thethinkfactory



If I was a kid in your school, I think there is one thing more important than all others. So, TTF, let's go in a time travel to the past, you are looking to your class, and there is a smart kid, always trying to defy the teacher. His name is val.
And you tell him:
"All those you love will be dead in years to come. And one day, you will also die. And death is the eternal nothing. So, please, don't interrupt me anymore".

Re: What ONE thing would you have liked to learn early in li


That the only true power that exists in the word is Self Discipline.

i am in the self confidence category, although i don't know exactly how you teach that to people.

and along with bella to realize that i can only control things i do. a sort of example of what i mean...my wedding was outdoors and everyone kept asking me, aren't you afraid its gonna rain? well, i can't control if it is going to rain or not, so why not just be prepared so that if it does we have a plan. point being, i realized i needed to control what i could control...what i would do if it did rain, not whether or not is was going to rain. just like in the work arena, aren't you afraid they are going to fire you (just an example-i'm not in the middle of getting fired ) ? well, i can try my best not to get fired and perform better, but that decision isn't mine to make. what i can do is think, what will i do if they do fire me and what can i do better so that they don't? i should get my resume ready, search for potential jobs, etc. control what i can control, the rest is going to happen whether i like it or not.

i really wish i had learned that earlier in life.

as far as the confidence thing, i am not too sure how you teach people that. but i really wish i had it back when i was 18-19-20, i think my life would have been much different.

dragon, Many people limit their choices in life because they don't think of alternative options. A litle creativity goes a long way.

BTW, our niece got married in October with a Holloween theme. It's the only wedding we've attended that had a "theme," and it was great!