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Sat 22 Mar, 2003 01:10 am
I do not know if many of you will understand my piece of writing or vent here. This short poem expresses so much of my confusion, pain, and growth. With me watching hours of the day so much pain for some reason the few hours of the day I work with children fills up for it all and keeps me steady on not giving up on my future and definitely NOT THEIRS.
Been gone so long stuck in this writers block sad song.
Many racing thoughts, confusion on real feeling based plots.
For you are the reader......
Wishing I could flow letting it all go with my daily life's show.
The truth is it is up to God to show (me) how to live this precious life below.
Lately felt trapped as memories overlap, brother lives my horrid past hope it doesn't last.
coming home so often with pinned out eyes, sing silent cries.
Mom Dad, what happened to love that in pictures used to fly like a dove?
All they do is verbally push and shove....
Making God cry again more above!
Escape from this mental rape?
Is so simple, far from a super hero dream with a cape.
It's job or work where pain leaves without a jerk.
Children's smiles and innocent styles.
Love based smother to them I am their brother.
Pay does not matter long as the time is spent filled with with laughter.
Mind lets go of all personal chaos, short time we bond, play games, and get lost does not matter what the cost.
Wanting them all to have hope, thus to climb that steep slope.
Weird as if a true father with son or daughter.
With this all said thus layed out and spread is my poems end..
Hope you understand this writing of the unplanned because I will stick by their smiles till the end.
Honestly don't know how I wrote this.
THANK THEM FOR THEY LED ME TO A PURE STATE OF BLISS... 
I am so glad you were able to put your feelings into words MellowGemini,
for the anguish AND the love you pour out here in these lines, are worth
sharing.
I do understand, I TRULY DO-
Sometimes, I just HAVE to write the disharmony of living- more than I can share the warmth and harmony. Perhaps, because I have suffered much- and shared little. Thank you for your comments. Because I am an abused sufferer, I will not be returning MellowGemini- to this or ANY forum. Pray for me as I formulate the 'right words and sentences' of the legal action I am working on. One day, before too long, I know I will be recovering- not struggling. And if there is still a place to 'write', maybe I will come back.
God Bless you
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