Domestic Violence, Politics, and Stereotyping....A Solution?

Re: Domestic Violence, Politics, and Stereotyping....A Solut




I suppose I said that but I think it was in the context of some men, not all, and that it wasn't the only cause of domestic violence but a cause.

I might not have said Some, and I might not have qualified the statement that way, but that is what I meant.

I haven't read this thread in total because I didn't want to wander off and forget to say that.

Now then - I think it is part of human nature to want control, and that we all get tangled up in control matters whatever gender we may be.

Some people are taught by their upbringing - sometimes religious but certainly not always, and certainly not all religions - that the man rules the family and is to be obeyed.
Obeyed - that was part of the marriage vows when I got married, and my husband and I specifically struck that word out, as did many couples of our generation.
And, even there, when obedience of wife to husband is a given, such family hierarchy isn't always cause for domestic abuses, but can be part of it.

[edit - when I was taught in my student years that must obey my husband, I didn't hear anything about his being allowed to hit me (etc.) It is my thought though, that the hierarchy thing gives a reason, or excuse, to males who don't feel they are obeyed correctly or perhaps even listened to. And many times the local culture has backed them up.]

In my own background I know of a woman being the abuser, so I didn't mean to generalize.


In reading fast through the thread, I saw I agreed with Woiyo about something, unusual in itself though I don't routinely post on my disagreement. I agreed with some comment of his about directing energies into sports and other pastimes.

Some know I am fascinated with the history of italy and of piazzas in particular. I know this seems off subject, but - when I was studying about the Campo in Siena, and reading about the twice a year festival called the Palio - which is similar to many other Palios and festivals in italian cities and towns - I read that there hadn't been a murder in Siena in something like 38 years. (This is an old account by now, sometime in the late '80's).
But the city goes all out with the different neigborhoods being involved in one hell of a quick and dirty horserace. It appears to me, who has never been to a Palio but read lots of accounts, that it is very cathartic for at least the inter-neighborhood rivalries that crop up in many cities all over the world.

OK, sorry for the tangent.



[Edit to say I am aware of abuses by sports players, so that is not cut and dried either.]

Teardrops for Katelynn
Ah Dear Groups,
But what if there is another thing going you are not aware. Dr. PHil called the Silent Holocost. What follows is an excerpt from another source:

Dear Friends,
1. United for Justice message: Wednesday, September 15, 2005 the Dr. Phil Show seen on NBC at 4:00PM PST will interview Bridget Marks, the mom who lost custody of her 4 year old twins in New York City earlier this summer . United for Justice's Senior Regional Director, Dr. Kathie Mathis, Psy.D, NCP, DAPA also appears. Bridget lost custody of her twins to their wealthy casino owner father John Alysworth and his wife after the girls made allegations of inappropriate touching by their father to multiple people. The case has brought nationwide media attention to what Dr. Phil called "A SILENT EPIDEMIC".


Fighting the "Hidden American Disgrace"
of Court Abused Children
We, the Courageous Kids Network, are a growing group of young people, whose childhood was shattered by biased and inhumane court rulings, which forced us to live with our abusive parent, while restricting or sometimes completely eliminating contact with our loving and protective parent.
Some of us, whose mothers tried to protect us from abuse, did not see our mothers for years, or were only allowed to see our mothers under oppressive supervised visitation orders. We were not allowed to hug our mothers, or talk about how we felt. Some of us were separated from siblings, grandparents and extended family. We lost our home, pets, toys, friends,… our childhood. We lived in fear, depression, hopelessness and helplessness for years. Some of us ran away from our abusers. Some could not handle the trauma and committed suicide.
We who survived, got older, stronger, and are boldly proclaiming:
"ENOUGH!"

...Some of us have turned 18, and are now "free", although nightmares and painful memories will haunt us for many years, maybe forever. Some of us still have siblings in the clutches of our abusers. We are kids from all over the country who have been beaten, molested, raped, sodomized, mentally battered, isolated, terrorized, and shamed by our controlling, battering parents.
We have been mentally, physically, sexually, verbally, emotionally, and psychologically abused by court order.

We have been misrepresented by court-appointed attorneys; facts were falsified or twisted by court-appointed evaluators; we were forced through mind-games (brain-washed) by court-appointed counselors to be silent about the abuse. Neither our voices, nor the voices of our protective parents, were heard.
The courts that heard our cases were far more anxious to label our mothers as "parent alienators" than to believe that our fathers, who look "normal," were beating, molesting, or mentally battering us. Judges and court appointees turned on our protective mothers with a vengeance. They refused to allow our mothers to present evidence or witness testimony to prove that our fathers had abused us, and refused to listen to anything we, the victims, had to say about being abused. Most of our mothers were completely stripped of custody, leaving us motherless, and with no protection from our abusive fathers. All of our mothers were treated like villains, and all of us kids suffered because of the way the courts treated our mothers. In the courts' frenzy to punish our mothers for trying to protect us, the courts failed to realize, or didn't care, that they were punishing us too.

Taking children away from safe parents and placing them in the custody of abusive parents has been called "America's most darkest, shameful secret" in an award-winning article by Kristen Lombardi, a Boston Phoenix reporter whose work on the priest-abuse crisis in Boston brought about the resignation of Cardinal Law.

Although difficult to believe that such horror exists in America today, thousands of children have been, and still are, taken away from their protective parent and placed with their abusers, by court orders. And some kids who were placed with abusers years ago are still trapped because the courts that erroneously refuse to admit to, and correct their mistakes. Some of those kids are our younger siblings, and we are grieving for them.

Some of us kids are not able to speak out yet, because we are still stuck with our abusers and we are too afraid of how they, and the courts, will retaliate against us and our protective parents if we speak out. But we are getting support online from others in the Courageous Kids Network who managed to escape. Knowing there are other kids like us out there, who we can talk to and who understand what we are going through, helps those of us who are still trapped not to feel so alone.

Now what if there are abused women getting out only to find themselves unable to get their little children out because of a court system? How much do you think they want this to be common knowledge because I assure you some abused women would not leave if they knew their children would be trapped? But that isn't brought up is it? If you research and look for the answer what and where does many a verdict do when it comes to these littlest of vivtoms? Where are the children? If you expect a battered women who already has assertiveness issue to stand up to this system well you will find they are easy pickins and these abused women are very good at be quite about their abuse. No surprise there is there? Why is this not talked about? A little research and you will find what is happening to the children of the very few abused women who have the courage to try to leave and than ask yourself would you leave your children alone there?
Consider this first before you reach a conclusion? THis might be scarest of all because this is unconscienable. These women know no one will help them . WHat do they do than to protect the children?