Critque my poem please!

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Worthless

All alone in the world

Darkness consumes me

Life is worthless

Standards make me worthless

The standards of the world

They reject me

My friends love me

I am not worthless

They free me from the world

The world thinks I am worthless but then my friends set me free

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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 1,801 • Replies: 32

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You are doubly lucky - to have friends and not be sucked into the world. Your verse is very neatly put. Then again, I'm not qualified to be a critic

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thanks!

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hello jangel,

are you ready to be critiqued?

There is little harmony in the words, and too much repetition.

Also, the statement behind your poem seems to contradict the title, tone, and word choices you have made.

So, I don't really like this poem...but keep writing.

p.s. your avatar is funny

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thank you! I shall keep on writing! and btw everyone I know luvs this poem....

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People like poems they empathise with. 5er says you're under 20... am i right? Most young people can't write decent poems unless they're angst-filled, so something half decent and morbid impresses them

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o so u r sayin my poem isnt decent...my Language Arts teacher luvs my poetry especially this poem and he is a very up-tight teacher and yes I am under 20 u got a problem w/ that...

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Firstly, stop talking in txt language, it gives away your age even more than you immature response.

No i don't have a problem with your age, all I'm saying is that your writing style and the txt language give it away in a major way, and that young people are often impressed by a poem like yours, where older people would not be.

I can see what you're getting at but 9 lines that repeat and then contradict themselves do not equal a good poem.

There's no point in posting if you can't take honest constructive critism about how to make your writing better. We're not here to give false compliments

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Hang in there, jangel. Yikes! I'm old enough to be your GREAT grandfather. One thing I appreciate, however, is the gumption it takes to post your work in front of strangers. Don't worry if some of the remarks seem harsh. That we responded shows we care.

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umm thanks for all your responses I am not taking any of your advice seriously because I like my poem the way it is but go ahead critizise it all you want because I dont care.

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In the end, you have to be true to yourself.

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In the end there's no point in posting if you can't take some CONSTRUCTIVE criticism

Even if you don't alter your poem you should at least listen

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Hang in there jangel. You asked for criticism and were then surprised when you got it, and now you say you don't want it. Well, sometimes it can be hard...I know, you post what you think is good and all you really need is someone to tell you "great job, keep it up," to keep you going. There are plenty of places on the internet where you can get that kind of feedback...and don't get me wrong, sometimes it's nice to hear Smile

But I like to think that here, our criticisms are a little more real...and our compliments too. Poetry writing is no simple task. At your young age and inexperience, you can't expect to be writing masterpieces all the time...but you can write to make yourself happy. But please, if you do decide to post here, in exchange for having a place to share your poetry, you must accept peoples' comments, for they are only made to help you.

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stuh505 wrote:

Hang in there jangel. You asked for criticism and were then surprised when you got it, and now you say you don't want it. Well, sometimes it can be hard...I know, you post what you think is good and all you really need is someone to tell you "great job, keep it up," to keep you going. There are plenty of places on the internet where you can get that kind of feedback...and don't get me wrong, sometimes it's nice to hear But I like to think that here, our criticisms are a little more real...and our compliments too. Poetry writing is no simple task. At your young age and inexperience, you can't expect to be writing masterpieces all the time...but you can write to make yourself happy. But please, if you do decide to post here, in exchange for having a place to share your poetry, you must accept peoples' comments, for they are only made to help you.

Yeah, what you said.

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Sorry if i got a little narky Sad

It was more the refusal to accept criticism than the poem itself that got me mad... we see far worse on here hehe

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Edit: posted in wrong forum but can't delete

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fine then just shut up my life sux right now and you ppl rnt makin it any better so just leave me alone!!!!!!! Evil or Very Mad

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Sorry. I hope things get better.

http://web4.ehost-services.com/el2ton1/huggles.gif

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And there was us trying to make nice...

I'm sorry to hear your life is bad at the moment j Sad

On the plus side the worse my life gets the better my writing does!! So channel some of your emotion and keep writing!! Smile

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jangel27540 wrote:

fine then just shut up my life sux right now and you ppl rnt makin it any better so just leave me alone!!!!!!!

Then don't ask for criticism when all you are doing is fishing for compliments. Rolling Eyes

Woe is your life...poor me...please critique my poem but don't tell me anything that isn't "this is the best poem in the world".

A true artist takes all comments to heart, studies the effect each would have on the piece, reworks the piece several (hundred) times, and then finally settles on what feels best.

I majored in poetry in college so I know about writing. And your refusal to accept criticism will only hold you back in your writing.

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Critque my poem please!

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