What sort of conversations do you like?

I tend to sway towards coversations based on personal feelings and experiences. I like to learn as much as I can about people. I'm a good listener who also does plenty of talking. My mood tends to change where I'd like conversations to go. If I'm in a serious mood, I'll head strait for politics. If I'm in fun mood, you all know you can find me looking for a good laugh somewhere. If I'm in a curious mood, I'll ask lots of questions to satisfy that curiousity.

My favorite conversations are with the people I spend a short time with and never see again. At work, I have to create a quick rapport with so many different types of people that I can really find something to discuss with just about everyone (past work as a bartender helped build this talent). I am always amazed at the details people spill about their lives to an otherwise total stranger.

Among my friends, I like the ones that I call my verbal sparring partners - the ones that are quick witted and funny, the ones that are good with words.

Interesting, Little k - how small is small talk? It is something we love to despise - but it seems to me to be similar in function to grooming and greeting rituals in animals - a reinforcement of social bonds - (we have a VERY large pack these days - many of whose members we will meet only once!) - a symbolic stroking and affirmation - a tension releaser - a ritual to test out possibilities for a more satisfying contact - possibly a ritual for determining pack rank (!). I guess in diplomacy and suchlike it functions as a pre-combat ritual, at times, as well.

Boomer - I love a good spar as well. I find I can sometimes more readily engage strangers in quick, putting-at-ease conversation than I can engage my very own friends, when I have not seen them for a while - I guess this is because there is a history of great intimacy, so "entry-level" conversation is not appropriate, but less frequent contact means there is not the easy pattern of great famiiarity to fall into...hmmmmmmmm....

Gezzy - I shall be careful when I meet you in politics - LOL!

Dream and Lorna! Yes! Chamber music! Lovely.

Dys - listening, yes - an obvious one for serious conversations - and sometimes for the witty, sparkly ones - but there sometimes one simply uses the last contribution as a kind of take-off-board for one's own next sally.

I have an odd problem with listening - I am a very good listener - it is how I fell into my current profession - but it has become a sort of habit - especially with people I really care about - to listen rather than really speak of myself in more serious conversations. It is interesting how few notice this, but when they do I feel quite tense and on the spot when they ask me about myself. This is not to say that, when given the chance, I will not blather on about myself endlessly! In witty by-play talk, you generally cannot shut me up.

I prefer conversations where no argumentation ad hominem is permitted. Unfortunately, there are some A2K'ers that every time I express my opinion that does not coincide with their own, start reminding me of the country I reside in (thanks God, they do not try to measure my facial angle or skull length, I would fail such an exam, since I am a half-Jew)...

Does anyone else "conduct" conversations when they entertain?

For instance, at dinner parties, I am always acutely aware of where the conversation is at - who is speaking, who is awkwardly silent, if things are getting TOO heated, who is comfortable with a subject, who not (the host is usually the only one who really knows everyone, right? My dinner parties are often very big!).

I often do not talk much at these things - just monitor and move conversation around when it is not working for someone - when it is all humming along nicely, I relax - when it has hit a rut, or the motor is sputtering, I am intensely active.

Indeed Steissd. Er - you seem a little jaded with your country at present - or is this irony?

I am jaded with the economic situation here. I have recently lost my job, and I cannot find any place to send a resume: no ads referring to the mid-level logistics jobs are available either on- or offline...

Steissd: I have an uncle who has lived and worked in Jerusalem for a long time. Just last week he came back to the US for a conference and to give talks in his specialty (forensic microbiology) and is seriously considering moving back. He hates to, but because of his wife's illness and her needs he can't afford to live there any more.

I have always been somewhat shy, so I get tongue-tied in social situations where there is a lot of witty repartee and sparkly digressions. I've always gravitated to the soulful, one-on-one conversations, and often become the listener/therapist.

I'm not real satisfied with this, and every once in a while make an effort to sparkle, but it's not easy unless it's around people with whom I have lot in common.

My dinner parties work because I'm running around making sure everyone has a drink, the food is good, and the candles are lit.

Discussions about important things happen in my head more than with people, unless it's a very small group.

Listening is most important and the real art of conversation. I hate to be at a party talking to someone and they start looking over your shoulder like they want to move on. I used get tongue tied at that point when I was younger. I used to think it was because I was boring but I have come to realize, especially when I lived in D.C., that some people just want to be seen with other people or they have their own agenda and their need to get past me is of no consequence to me any more even though it is so rude. It's like why did they stop to say hello, they could have just kept walking.

Generally though I do well in social situations. Sometimes I am an active participant and sometimes I just listen and watch. Both work for me.

Dream2020, my parties age usually good as well. And like you I go all out to make the guests comfortable and see that food and drink or plentiful. In addition, I try to invite people I think will get along.

Stressid, are you willing to move to the US for a job. My cousins husband is a manager at Texas Instruments and his mother is a manager at Raytheon. Let me know if I can help.

Thanks, Joanne. I would highly appreciate your assistance. Please, let me know about the results of your inquiry through personal message. In case of necessity I may send my resume. I am a mid-level logistics clerk by profession.

dlowan
You won't find me much in the political threads these days as I'm in my fun mood ;-)

Steissd
I wish you the very best in finding a job. I know how tough that can be.

Thanks, gezzy.

i know what i don't like. guys who talk about sports, cars, and women but don't know what they're talking about. business conversations where everyone is trying to "one up" the previous speaker.

But what DO you like, Pueo?

I hope things get better soon Steissd.

I'm a fan of the 'jazz improvisation' style of conversation. I don't often find people who are good at it. Start on a theme, take turns improvising, adding to each other's ornamentation, give hints of the original theme, and then join together in a flourish to conclude the conversation. It's a true joy when it works.

I still remember the first time I met someone who could do 'jazz on a desktop(online)' conversation. It was divine. We don't often get a chance to talk (IRL or online) these days, but when we do, it is still the most extraordinary communication.

I used to host a fair number of parties, but i started to really hate it, as i don't like (don't like? ok, i hate it) the feeling of being responsible for anyone else's good time. I kind of grew out of the need to facilitate other people's amusing moments.

steissd - good luck with the job search.

Steissd
I know how it feels to be without meaningful employment. When I was fifty years old I found myself out looking. Many places would not even give me an interview. I have a strong feeling you would be an asset to whatever place does hire you. I wish you well.

I adore conversation, though not just for the
sake of conversation. I prefer to discuss things
that are not exactly concrete - I like things that
force me to expand my consciousness a bit and
to think "outside the box" somewhat, just as I
enjoyed the abstract nature of chemistry & math.
I like thinking and talking about the fact that we
may be as wrong today, as were the greatest
scientists of their day who said the earth was flat.
Chances are far greater than we would like to
think about it - but truthfully...how many things
have been believed to be truth once and then
descended into the oblivion of the thoughts of
small minded men - I say men, only due to the
fact that ages ago - it was quite well known that
women did not think, and in fact according to the
male of the species - nor did she have a soul &
THIS was the accepted truth of things only a wee
bit over 100 years ago.,so you can easily see how
it goes. On any given day it could be anything
from discussing a current movie that has greatly
moved me, (though they do not happen often
enough!!!) a discussion about life and living &
what is most important to you - about how you
SPEND your life, discussion of death and dying,
which is of the most tremendous value - as it
reminds us that our time here is indeed limited,
therefore it is best to SPEND IT WELL! Eh?
I like to hear what is most valuable to you and
to share my own thoughts, discussions about the
things that all world religions have in common.
(though never about any specific religion, as
this never leads anywhere but to the division of
minds, instead of the joining of minds)
I like to hear a good joke, though I am a poor
one for remembering jokes. It has never been
one of my "family positions" to be the jester, though
in the last 8 or 9 years that I worked in pharmacy, I
became quite the humorist. I learned to find humor in
the most mundane & myriad of things that go on in an
averagely busy pharmacy every day... from a doctor
who says (as he is calling in patient's prescriptions)
"And the next victim is...." to a coworker who said his
major stress reliever at work, was to picture being
on top of the store with a certain type of rifle, which
I was totally unfamiliar with - picking off those persons
with a certain unpleasantness who were really off the
beam when it comes to rudeness. I mean, one can
anticipate a general amount of dissatisfaction because
after all, for starters, the poor patient is sick #1
and has just paid an exorbitant fee to the doctor #2,
is having to pay more money for medicine #3
a disgusting amount of money - for medicine which.
after all, may make him sick to his stomach or cause
tons of other side effects on top of the fact of being ill
in the first place#4
so I tended to always tell the clerks, "Oh well, just
take it with a grain of salt - it's nothing personal- they
ARE just sick, after all" To which I would get looks
like these

Well, I am 52 and not working... but then I
unfortunately have a disease which makes
me unable TO work. So I guess one can take
some small measure of enjoyment out of the
fact that one CAN work. Sort of like the man
who was furious because his car wouldn't start....
till a man hobbled past him, who had only one leg.

Steissd and edgar - count me in too for some positive thoughts on job hunting. I am 51 and know that the last year and a half has really shown me a change in what I will be eligible to do with employment. With teaching, sales, and graphic arts behind me, I'd never considered that skills would not be 'enough' as I aged...

Cobalt
I'm rooting for you as well ;-)