Preliminary A2K Elections (#2)

Eva, who else is on your platform?

Gautam, of course. And Calamity Jane. And Ticomaya, among others. And rumors are flying that nimh is considering joining us. (Psst...He was last seen frolicking in my chocolate fountain.)

Come to the party! You know you want to.

Zippy was a non-entity, Dag. I tried to claim those votes when no one stepped forward, but then some scurrilous member of the Gus/Kicky team quickly invented a new account and tried to claim them.

As SCoates is functioning as our election board and invented the persona of "Zippy" himself, I would expect him to reject this interloper's claim. It is clearly yet another underhanded tactic by the No Ethics ticket.

Shameful, really. Are these people fit to be trusted with running A2K? I think not.

"Love and Beauty Party" actually a cult, Insiders say

Staff writer, AP News service

Recent allegations have cast doubts over the credibility and integrity of the so-called "Love and Beauty Party", which has been gaining momentum on the ballots lately in A2K pre-election campaigning.

Tapes of private phone conversations between senior members of the party reportedly contain details of cult behavior, including discussions about the sacrificing of live pigs, ritualistic necrophilial "chocolate orgies" every friday night at midnight, and allegations of kidnapping and torture.

Other allegations have been made recently, which are currently being investigated. Herbert Cloen, an envelope stuffer from Peoria, Illinois allegedly worked for them for a day, but when he saw the inner workings of the organization, decided to leave. He spoke to Eva, one of the groups founding members, about the situation, and according to Mr. Cloen, that is when the campaign of "torture, humiliation, regularly scheduled beatings, and brainwashing" began.

"It's a cult, as sure as I'm sitting here right now", said Mr. Cloen in a statement released moments ago. "Those Love and Beauty People are just plain Kooks!"

Eva, a spokesperson and founding member of the group, told reporters in response to the allegations, "Aaaw, go f*ck yourselves! I'm busy trying trick these stupid sheep into voting for me!"

Dear Eva,

I'm afraid you've got things all a little mixed up here. I am most definitely not a non-entity. I can confirm that so far, every night when I feel myself, I feel very real.

No, my campaign is in fact up and (quite literally) rolling. I am the only candidate with sufficient grassroots support to facilitate a very own campaign bus.

The only thing I've said here, and in this very thread as a matter of fact, is that, aware of my limitations as I am, I have to admit that there are better candidates around. But, my dear, those are most definitely not in the Gus and Kicky team.

Again, I say: Vote Farmerman, and vote often.

I herewith proffer for your information again my first and thus far only official campaign statement here (click).

Get on the Bus! Zippy in 2005!

Please click the above for my campaign site here on A2K. More information will become available there as my campaign rolls on!

I smell a pink erect blob in there somewhere !

SCURRILOUS TACTICS !

Golly, y've been busy. The Fair Elections Board called. Oh, and someone ordered bumper stickers, COD. I am not signing for them.

I'd say it's 'no-its-me-zippy'
just check the rhetoric.
whether the blob or the lost dutchman, it's a ridicule of moral campaigning. a ridicule!

eva, i'll get with you if you manage to sway Dys to join. he's a tough one, but how could he resist the two of us...

I heard Dys was a supporter of the GKE party. That's Gus/Kicky/Ellpus, for those not in the know...

we have Dlowan. That's official. And Dys has not proclaimed his affiliation yet. Right now he's independent, so beat it, Kicky.

Right now, KEG and DED are perfectly tied.

The Old & Grumpy party aka Gus/Kicky/Ellpus is out!!
They're riddled by Flatulence and lose denture fittings,
not to mention their filthy minds that seem to be stuck
down south at their summer home.


Vote for Love & Beauty!

Just look at CJ when you read that post. Look close. Can you see the glazed eyes, that look on the face...confused, barely connected to reality...this is what a cultmember looks like.

Please people, do not join the CULT of Love and Beauty! Don't be fooled!

Dag, I see that you're still searching for some candidate to adopt you. And the Love & Beauty campaign is surely a good home. But you know, Eva already has Gautam and CJ as well - do you really want her to dump them both from their Vice-Presidential spots and ally herself with you and Dlowan instead? That would be the same mistreatment we sadly meted out to you! Come back into the fold, hon. Ignore me if you must - do it for Soz and Farmerman. And for the sheep.

I thought this was only a one year office...

Four votes! That's better. I'm just one vote behind Zippy, which is a real honor.

I'm curious who he'll pick as VP if he wins...

Campaign Manager Arrested on Ethics Charges

(AP) NEW YORK CITY -- Today at 4 p.m. EST, agents of the A2K Election Board, assisted by officials of the Associated Press, stormed the headquarters of the gustavratzenhofer/kickycan/Lord Ellpus campaign and arrested its manager and press spokesman, kickycan. Multiple counts of ethics violations were cited.

Heavily armed A2K agents interrupted the campaign manager as he was attempting to hijack the AP wire service to distribute malicious and misleading information about political rivals, the Love & Beauty Party. An insider tip was credited with giving A2K the precise whereabouts of the nefarious kickycan, who was reported to have been overheard planning the scheme with his fellow party members, Ellpus and ratzenhofer. Kickycan was apprehended after a short but violent burst of gunfire which injured two AP officials. The campaign manager was seriously wounded by a gunshot to the head. He was taken to the nearest hospital where he remains in critical but stable condition, under heavy guard. Attending doctors have indicated that he will be under constant observation for the next few days, as paranoia and incoherent ramblings are to be expected with this type of head injury. They hope to limit his contact with the outside world while they administer heavy doses of opiate-derived medications in order to control his condition. A hospital press conference is scheduled for 10 a.m. tomorrow.

Spokesmen for the Love & Beauty Party declined to comment on the arrest, but their leader, Eva, released the following statement: "We wish to clarify previously printed reports relating to our party. We have no ties to any cult organizations, nor have we ever been associated with any person or group that believes in ritualistic sacrifice, necrophilia, kidnapping or torture. Mr. Herbert Cloen was dismissed from our employ once it was discovered that he had secret ties to several right-wing Christian evangelical organizations that are opposed to our Friday night chocolate orgies. Our thoughts and best wishes are with kickycan at this difficult time. While we are saddened by his recent allegations against us, we wish him the best and hope for his speedy recovery."

mebbe.

Oh you little traitor! First he slurps at Eva's all the goodies and
once he's indulged himself, he then goes and campaigns for sozobe & farmerman. You twotiming backstabber!!

If, somehow, I am elected president, I'm thinking of enforcing theism.

i believe zippy will go with Love, Beauty, and Fast cars Party in the end. I mean, if he's sensible.