Preliminary A2K Elections (#1)

LEAKED PLANS REVEAL LOVE AND BEAUTY PARTY'S SCHEME TO CLAMP DOWN ON DOMINIONS

Washington DC (UPI) - A senior campaign official yesterday confirmed that the Love and Beauty Party intends to clamp down on dominions if it is elected into government.

The party, which recently has surged in the opinion polls but is yet to reveal a programmatic platform, will tax dominions and launch an information and education programme to highlight the risks involved in maintaining one, says the campaign official, who spoke on the condition of anonimity.

"Hold your dominion" has become a catchphrase for sensible self-preservation in self-help communities and online knowledge forums in the past few years. But it is hardly as innocuous an advice as it seems, says Peace and Beauty consultant "Gorgeous" George Halloway.

"Beautiful people used to have almost free leeway over prospective partners of the other sex", Halloway, a part-time fashion consultant and demagogue, says. "But ever more less favourably endowed people now manage to say "no" when they suspect less than sincere intentions. This is causing increasing difficulties for the beautiful few in terms of getting their kicks off".

"I wholly agree with the Love and Beauty position", says Morton Holsen, 39, in New York City. "I drive a fast car myself, and used to greatly enjoy flicking the finger at the poor proles I was speeding past. But with an increasing awareness of their dominion, ever more of them remain unimpressed. Some even call out insults to me".

Experts however refer to the overwhelming preponderance of indications that the notion of a dominion has benefited the population overall. "Those most at risk have found a valuable way of asserting themselves and protecting their own interests and mental health", says Debs O'Lowaichn, psychologist in Pittsburgh. "The teenagers I work with were alienated by the lingo mental health professionals used to apply. But everybody knows what we mean when we tell them, hold your dominion."

It is as of yet unknown what the proposed information and education campaign against dominions will entail, or how the Peace and Beauty Party intends to assess dominions' taxable value. Peace and Beauty headquarters yesterday refused to comment. "If and when we present a programme, the voters will know more. For now, we refer to our website, where Atookaians can win fabulous prizes, including free fast cars and nights out with go-go dancers".

Oooh, that is sweet...

I don't need to be loved by the people to serve them. And I presume their affection will not prevent you from letting them down.

If I have revealed the face of the devil, it was not my own.

If I acted in any way ungentlemanly, it is because there is a time when even gentlemen must roll up their sleeves and fight to preserve the security, peace and freedom of their country... er, forum... and if I get a little mud on my cuffs as I protect those ideals, and if that means I am no gentlemen, then I am proud to have abandoned that prestige for something of infinitely more value.

Tax dominions? Never!

This canard comes from the party that supports trolls and supresses unicorns.

Unicorns?

Unicorns. You scoundrels lost your innocence long ago.

My party is against Unicorns.

Oh my Nimh! That dominion stuff is deeply disturbing! Australia used to be a dominion!

Um, could someone recap all the political angling that happened over the last day or so? That'd be great, ta.

Pleeeeeease, nurse! Get him back into his bed! The man is higher than a kite on those meds you're giving him! Look, he's managed to wrap the IV cord around his neck, for Chrissakes!

Use the restraints if you have to! That's what they're there for!

<shaking head> Poor, poor kicky. He is going to be so embarrassed when he comes to his senses. If he survives, that is.

Actually, I snuck in and wrapped the IV cord around his neck, but that's another thread altogether.

Uhm, well it started when SCoates organised

the 2005 A2K elections, or actually no, first there was still an

Election Test.

And then there were

Preliminary A2K Elections (#1),

Preliminary A2K Elections (#2) and

A2K Primaries #3,

which in turn spawned

Someone please vote for me!

ATTN: ALL UNDECIDEDS (public election memo) (with an overflow in Eva's Wine Cellar),

FOR KICKYCAN ONLY (private election memo)

Get on the Bus! Zippy in 2005! and

Votes for Scoates, not to mention

The UK General Election 2005 Thread.



SCoates must have set some kind of new record with all of this, but it also made everybody even more Tired of nimh.

END.

(or is it?)

nimh--

A magnificent time chart. Thank you.

Didn't know about this until just about an hour ago.

Can't get over the fact that I am not even on the ballot.

Not sure what in the hell this world is coming to.

In any case, I announce my candidacy herewith, etc.

I don't work well in committees...so I will remain Independent.



MY CAMPAIGN SLOGAN:

Vote for me, Frank Apisa.

If I win, it will piss off tons of people...and most of them you don't like worth a shyt anyway!

Sure, I'll vote for you Frank. Vote early, vote often.

(Oh, and, um, whoever voted for me -- send money. I clearly need to get my campaign off the ground. Send it c/o Ralph Nader, wouldja?)

Why thank you, Dog.

Please do get in as many votes as you think you get away with.


(Love your signature line!)

Campaign song for Frank:

If you knew Frankie like I know Frankie, oh, oh, oh what a guy.
There's none so happy, outclasses Slappy oh, oh, oh, my goodness, what a chassi.

We went riding, He didn't balk,
From the country, I'm the one who had to walk.

If you knew Frankie, that bull dog, Frankie. Oh, oh what a guy.

Besides that, voters, he's agnostic.

Pdawg, that was me, how about I just keep supporting the vetrinarian sector instead?

Is a dollar in the pocket of Kmart of any benefit to Walmart? Donations direct to me, please, and in cash.

Or is not your support genuine?