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What are the best first steps/keys things to know about starting to date lesbians for the first time

 
 
Reply Sat 12 Jan, 2019 02:35 pm

I’ve only recently come to terms with my sexuality, after having grown up in a super religious family and community. I’ve only ever dated men before, and really didn’t enjoy it, but don’t really know where to start or what to expect dating women. What the lesbian community is like? Are the lesbian stereotypes a thing, and do I need to really identify myself? Are there certain categories of lesbians that mesh better with others?

Dating men, you kinda had an idea of what you were getting into. Especially when it came to going on dates or using dating apps. “Men” typically asked the woman out first, stereotypically paid for meals, was the one to typically make the first move. But when it comes to dating women, are there certain stereotypes that happen more frequently than others? Common things you’ve noticed or wish you knew going in?

And does having a lack of experience disadvantage me, especially being in my mid 20s?

*I recognize that I’ve only referenced lesbians in this post, but I mean it more in the broad sense since the woman I potentially date can be bisexual, pansexual, non-binary, asexual, etc.... I just identify personally as a lesbian.*
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Type: Question • Score: 0 • Views: 422 • Replies: 4
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Dageron
 
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Reply Sun 13 Jan, 2019 07:15 am
@Sketchartist,
Hello!

As for men, every woman is different. I'm sorry if that's not the answer you've been waiting for, but I don't think there's really any advice to be given before starting to go out with women ... apart from those one gives for all relationships in general: respect each other, etc. .

I may be wrong, but I have the impression you think that, for example, if you meet a butch (masculine lesbian) you will have to behave in such a way, with a more feminine lesbian (also called "lipstick ") in another way, etc. because I imagine, with what you said, that you have not rubbed a lot of LGBTQIA people. If you think more in "individual" than in "cliché", you will put less pressure on yourself. Stay yourself and behave with the women you meet as with any other person you may meet. And as with all other people, maybe it will not stick with some, but very good with others! ;-)

Well, I hope that what I wrote will help you in one way or another.

Good luck! :-)
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Dageron
 
  2  
Reply Sun 13 Jan, 2019 07:25 am
@Sketchartist,
Oh, I forgot : no, you don't have to identify yourself, you can define (or not define) you as you want as long as you're honest with yourself and your partner.

And no, you will not necessarily be disadvantaged because you have no experience. However, if you're a bit scared because you've never met gay people, I advise you to try to go to lesbian associations or talk with gay people in real or via internet, it may put you more comfortable.
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bunnyhabit
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Jan, 2019 02:14 am
First you need decide if you are butch (top) or lipstick (bottom). If you are butch you need to act like the guy in a straight relationship. If you are lipstick you need to act like the girl in a straight relationship. You need to gauge your target whether wild or shy a play game accordingly. Very similar to straight stalking except both feminine players
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amyjenniferrr
 
  0  
Reply Fri 15 Feb, 2019 07:11 pm
@Sketchartist,
Hi, I'm 25 and I'm bi too, I've dated 2 females and the best advice I can give to you is to see the person you are going on a date with for who they are when you meet them. I'd offer to split the bill - but I do this with males too, it's just how I approach the first few dates. They may say no and that's okay - if you feel like you want to see them again you can offer to pay the next time you go out.

Lesbian stereotypes are just that... stereotypes. There is some truth in them, especially for those who want to be visible as someone who is gay.
Things I knew/wish I knew beforehand: Short finger nails are very important when it comes to sex, I'm not 'lipstick' or 'butch' - I dress how I feel like dressing when I wake up. I'm also not a 'top' or a 'bottom'... I've heard it called being a 'versatile' or 'versi'. I do both and I love doing both.

You will probably know if you want to do the things associated with being a 'top' and you will know if you want to wear a dress or a shirt/make up or no make up when you go out. You make up your self identity - parts of you don't have to be a label of how you 'identify yourself', as you put it.
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