thanks for sharing that. It's good to be reminded that i'm not a total wack-job.
Maybe part of it is culture. I know this is simplistic: but pysch and popular culture looks as these states as 'sick' or 'abnormal' or non-productive, or worthy of getting away from. That is relative too. It's just a state - a scary , scary state, but valid nonetheless and real, no?
I relate to it. You know what though...how is it that you snapped back?
Ashers, hmm, I don't know about lucid dreaming too much. I used to enjoy playing with that: seeing how far i could control etc. in dreams, dipping for meaning. Doubt this is what you are referring to. lol.
Thanks Asherman. Good post, as always.
JLNobody earlier described an incident where his ability to distinguish "value" between things wavered. He sought, I believe, some assistance to restore his grounding in perceptual reality. Some don't, and there are cases of monks ending up as catatonic inmates. On the other hand, JL was at the threshold of awakening to Ultimate Reality. The Great Void where there is no Ego, no time or space. This can be a truly terrifying experience, and BTW is the "real" topic of the Tibetan Book of the Dead. There is nothing to be frightened of, and the fear itself is the mechanism that kicks us over and over again out of paradise.
Well..."the fear itself is the mechanism that kicks us over and over again out of paradise" YES! Thank you for that.
What to be afraid of? Don't know. That it is so different, without rules or anyone to say 'you're on the right track, your experience is valid, do this or do that'.
Confronting it all alone and it is wild and without answers. Raw, strange.
What is Zen enlightment??
Don't know!! It's getting to be like a tick at my head that keeps sucking out answers, and leaving me with less and less.
Sit down to meditate and it feels like just sittin' and breathing. Make supper and it's just chopping up vegetables and stirring.
Great! Except there is still something there, this invisible barrier that holds and prevents freedom, a mask of fear and urgency "you gotta...you gotta..." . as though there is some necessary reason to live.
My brain can't formulate any more necessary reasons to live, i'm just living, so - well, i'd like it to go away.
Maybe I just need a break. Yet i feel this thing will keep coming back, coming back, until it is done and burst through, cause this isn't the first time it's visited me, only this time it is very urgent and on the surface so i can almost taste it and i can feel it, it's screaming "you must...you must"..I must what?!
It really feels like if i can crack it, then that's it, there won't be any more of my hopeless to and fro and looking for answers in all the wrong places.
Texas and JL and getting into this is an exciting idea. If not that, honestly, I need to find something else that will get this thing going.
I have checked out some of the local buddhist centers around here, but it just didn't seem right. I don't think winnipeg has really become a center yet for many people - lots of cads, and lots of Buddhists that were born into the religion and just sort of do it by rote. Nothing wrong with that, but i'm not looking for a church.
Really, like i said before, my work used to help bc it forced me into the immediete moment and intune to the needs of another person. It would be irresponsible to do otherwise. But since i've been doing other work that is not so intimately one-to-one, i'm not getting those same benefits. and this has been building for some while. my relief is being let alone, to go about my business, and pouring out volumnes of useless words on the computer in a big old file, and showing kindness to people when i can and to listen....
Any comments? Even if it's just to 'get a grip' or take a vacation?