Well, first off, you two are great. I have a lot of gratitude for all the time spent building threads like these, and actually following up with us who are trying -yes, lots of trying yet

- to learn something.
And get nods and jabs along the way (i don't know who else i would speak to in exactly this way).
So, thank you.
My practice is going well. Though I admit to doing precisely as predicted and being a cliche without intending to - at times, there would be some noticeable progress and I would stop.
And start. And stop. And now it is going a little more smoothly. More consistent.
Maybe I needed to do that. Who knows.
Have been keeping with the breathing meditation Asherman gave me.
At least, that is what i keep coming back to.
The reason for re-activating this thread is bc there is something that has been happening : all my meditations lately are Pain.
Really raw, raking through Pain.
Cry and cry, continue, cry more, feel like something is different - but what?
'I' feel weird. Feels like two seperate entities in me fighting: robot me, on automatic and terribly unhappy and dependent, and 'real me' , just living and able to feel like a 'normal' person without a million intrusions.
The basic precepts and things like: right action, right livelihood, right speech,....the stuff of actually living moment by moment differently ...there is finally some sense to it.
There's lots of attachments, lots of pain, lots of hate, lots of Violence!
My experience is Violence!
It sucks and holds and there is attachment to it too. HUGE attachment - don't yet see a better way or understand. Want to understand.
Help Please...if this makes any sense...
these experiences and cycles are so disabiling...how to crack it, get past it??
This is hard work. Some kindly encouragement, i suppose, is most welcome.