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Not sure how to take this?

 
 
Reply Wed 9 May, 2018 07:07 pm
My bf and I have been together for 3 1/2 years. He's 30, I'm 24.

Our relationship was good, then got a little rocky. I've made some previous posts in search for advice.. I'll make this recap as short as possible.

I was happy and secure with myself when I had met my bf. He was overly jealous and would spy on me at work and make false accusations. I had caught him lying about his past and began questioning him. I started drinking heavily. He resorted to a lot of porn watching. He's never really been one to compliment me until I told him how it makes me feel, especially when he puts sooo much focus on female characters.

He's 30 and he cannot, I mean literally cannot play a game unless it's overflowing with big floppy tits, sexy voices and sexy outfits.

September will be 4 years for us. In August it will have been 2 years he's been out of a job. I've been paying his bills and our meesley $100 rent. I have virtually not bills, just my credit card $25/m.

So what get me is that my boyfriend is 30 years old and will solely play games where he can play a sexy female character and have female followers. He will spend hours (and money) to make his characters look how he wants. Last Valentine's Day, instead of doing ANYTHING with me, he spent time dressing his character in a short red dress that her butt falls out of and spent all day staring at (playing the game) and editing. He told me once that he needs to find sexy somewhere.. I found out that (a couple years before we met) he was looking into a game called Tera and these creatures called Elins that look like 5 year old girls with bunny ears. He justifies looking into porn for it because the "lore" says they're hundreds of years old and that they aren't real. But he surrounds himself with all these games and it's really offputting. I just don't know how to deal with his obsession with these games.

He tells me I am trying to change him because I don't like the games he plays, but I've changed myself, who and how I talk in public, how I dress in public, so he can stop being overly jealous.

I know I'm jealous and insecure of his stupid games.. what do I do?
 
tsarstepan
 
  2  
Reply Wed 9 May, 2018 07:46 pm
@GrandCosmos,
He sounds very toxic with control issues and a bloody hypocrite to boot making you the recipient to some undeserved jealousy and resentment.

You're in a pretty sketchy codependent relationship. If he's not willing to get outside help (his obsession with video games seems to be a coping mechanism with life-related depression which to some degree is understandable ... two years unemployed can crush almost anyone's will to move forward).

Then dump him already. Don't stay in a toxic, emotionally abusive relationship. You're not doing him or yourself any good.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Wed 9 May, 2018 07:49 pm
@GrandCosmos,
Every single one of your topics (see: https://able2know.org/user/grandcosmos/topics/) has been about the exact same problems. You keep getting the same advice, over and over again.

The only thing that changes is your ages, and how long you've been together supporting his sorry ass.

I realize I'm often harsh. And I know there is something or at least there was at some point between the two of you. It's been over for years; but both of you have had so much inertia you're still in the same space, still paying for his video games/porn addiction.

What will it take for you to send him packing? Him getting on the sex offender registry if he downloads underage porn? Will that do it? Because you've been told, time and time again, that this isn't going to get better. And by your own words, it hasn't.

Want to be 40 and have this **** still be happening?

He doesn't want to change things because he's got it good. He gets his bills paid, and he gets to stay home and masturbate to cartoonish fantasies while you go out and work. So of course he doesn't want the status quo to change.

The only person who can end this **** is you.
tsarstepan
 
  2  
Reply Wed 9 May, 2018 07:58 pm
@jespah,
This toxic relationship goes at least as far back as Wed 14 Dec, 2016 03:23 am?
Jeeze Louise.

Yeah. It's time to give him a mega ultimatum. Get some kind of counseling (both occupational and emotional) or kick him to the curb. He's year's old. Depression is really tough but not getting help? That's self destructive and he's taking you (the op) down with him.
0 Replies
 
GrandCosmos
 
  1  
Reply Thu 10 May, 2018 12:17 pm
@jespah,
Thank you jespah. A part of me feels like maybe I'm in the wrong, that I am being too insecure and jealous over his gmes. Because it really does sound stupid in my head. I don't know why I keep feeling likes there's hope that things will get better.
tsarstepan
 
  2  
Reply Thu 10 May, 2018 12:24 pm
@GrandCosmos,
GrandCosmos wrote:

I don't know why I keep feeling likes there's hope that things will get better.

Going on your posting history alone, according to your words, it isn't getting better. You're being exploited by this man.

Not dismissing his passion for video games because that's not the issue that needs to be addressed. When was the last time he went and applied for a job? Went out to seek mental health support/consulting? He (according to you) is not dealing with his own mental health crisis on any level. He needs an ultimatum and stick with following through with it. If that doesn't happen, nothing will get better in your situation.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Thu 10 May, 2018 05:23 pm
@GrandCosmos,
I don't think you're jealous of his gaming. I think you're envious of his leisure time. And rightfully so, because it's achieved via the sweat of your brow.

I also think you hope things will get better because you do care about him as a human being and you want him to get better. And your own feelings of depression may also be pushing you to seek and maintain the status quo for yourself, too.

Note: I am not a doctor,

I think you deserve a better life. I think you both do. But that means something is going to have to change. And I suspect you're the one who's elected to make it happen.
0 Replies
 
Agent1741
 
  0  
Reply Thu 31 May, 2018 08:02 pm
Try to be subtle tell him its your way or the highway!! A relationship takes 2 people not 1 & a video console!
0 Replies
 
 

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