Do people generally accept you or not?

Forums: Interpersonal Interaction, Relationships, Mental Health, Friends
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People generally accept me unless
1. They're fair weather friends, which is 99% of friends I've ever made. They walk out on me the minute I start going through hard times.
2. I look up to them. They hate it when I do that but react very positively to everyone else who looks up to them.

Does everyone else go through the same thing?

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Type: Question • Score: 7 • Views: 2,934 • Replies: 44

@darkangel1720,

Pretty much.

You realize true friends when you buy a refrigerator off off Craigslist and only have a Chevy Chevette to move it in. It isn't so much people purposely walk out on you, it's that they have their own lives to lead and sometimes you're just in their way.

Everybody goes through hard times. It's how you deal with those hard times that builds or destroys character. If you honestly try to better yourself and your circumstances, most people do lend a helping hand. But if you whine and complain and look for answers from people who really can't help much, well, they tend to get scarce on you.

The trick is to find a balance between what people can do for you versus what you can do for yourself. It's a give and take beneficial situation, not just one sided where one always gives and one always takes. Looking up to people should be reserved for the upmost virtuous individuals who show true character and moral fiber, not just a perceived niceness to you.

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@darkangel1720,

Have you ever stopped to consider that maybe it's not all of those people who are constantly in the wrong?

1 Reply

@neptuneblue,

Quote:

Looking up to people should be reserved for the upmost virtuous individuals who show true character and moral fiber, not just a perceived niceness to you.

Exactly! That's why lots of other people also looks up to her. She had good character and was nice to everyone, including me. It just baffles me that she reacts positively to them. I look up to her and it pissed her off.

2 Replies

@jespah,

Yes I have, especially after family, therapists, coworkers, job developer, ppl on the internet said exactly the same thing regarding how I was wrong. I just have trouble feeling it because contrary to what people said, I'm not a stalker. A stalker seeks to harm others. I was only seeking a role model.

2 Replies

@darkangel1720,

You really need to get over this. It's not healthy to relive the past the way you do. Set your sights on something larger, like pursuing an education.

I would not consider a McDonald's manager as a "virtuous person". They do their job & go home. They've done nothing to make the world a better place. Try looking up to Eleanor Roosevelt, Katherine Hepburn or Billie Jean King.

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@darkangel1720,

darkangel1720 wrote:

look up to her and it pissed her off.

looking up to her is not what upset her

it was your behaviour when you wanted to demonstrate that respect that upset her. focus on learning the lessons of appropriate / inappropriate behaviour.

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@darkangel1720,

darkangel1720 wrote:

just have trouble feeling it because contrary to what people said, I'm not a stalker. A stalker seeks to harm others.

the problem is that you are expressing your respect in a way that frightened your former boss. you did not intend to behave as a stalker but that is what you did.

sometimes we have to learn to behave differently before we understand the necessity of the behaviour. it's like teaching children not to touch hot stoves - they don't need to experience the pain of the burn. they have to learn NOT to touch the stove. you have to learn how to express your respect more appropriately. work with your family/job developer on how to express the respect the right way.

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@darkangel1720,

Quote:

contrary to what people said, I'm not a stalker. A stalker seeks to harm others.

A stalker does not have to seek doing harm to others to be considered a stalker.
Even if you are not seeking to harm someone, you can still be considered a stalker.
The definition of a stalker is broader than you seemed to understand.

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@darkangel1720,

darkangel1720 wrote:

2. I look up to them. They hate it when I do that but react very positively to everyone else who looks up to them.

Can you finally PLEASE tell us what you mean (especially describing your actions and interactions) when you claim "I look up to them[?]"

I'm assuming that you aren't merely putting people on their respective proverbial pedestals. That alone can bother some people but I expect you're doing far more and saying far more than this.

1 Reply

@tsarstepan,

I did say what I mean by looking up to people. Admire them and wanting to be around them all the time. Getting closer to them like other people get to.

2 Replies

@darkangel1720,

Quote:

I did say what I mean by looking up to people. Admire them and wanting to be around them all the time.

Don't you have a life of your own?
Why does it have to be all the time?
What's wrong with wanting this once in a while or occasionally?

Quote:

Getting closer to them like other people get to.

Are you jealous of what other people get to do?

1 Reply

@darkangel1720,

Dude, no one wants to be around someone all the time, and no one wants someone around them all the time. That is, unless there’s something wrong with one of those people.

These other people that you say get to do this? They aren’t around them all the time.

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@darkangel1720,

Quote:

People generally accept me unless
1. They're fair weather friends, which is 99% of friends I've ever made. They walk out on me the minute I start going through hard times.

A rather large percentage of people have plenty of acquaintances, but only a few close friends.

Quote:

2. I look up to them. They hate it when I do that but react very positively to everyone else who looks up to them.

There's two possibilities here:
1. You're looking up to people who don't like you; or
2. It's not about you looking up to them, but rather, how you look up to them.

Many people are a little bit different. Some more than others. For these people, more energy needs to be identifying social cues and being socially thoughtful (without being submissive). Perhaps you are a little bit different to the norm?

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@darkangel1720,

You don't look up to people, you latch on to them, you pester them, you make them regret ever giving you the time of day.

Your behaviour is the problem, not other people.

0 Replies

@Real Music,

Quote:

Are you jealous of what other people get to do?

Yes! Considering that whoever they look up to don't react negatively to them. Hell, the person I look up to (my supervisor) never wants to see me again. I'm not allowed any form of contact with her and not allowed to go into the store even as a customer. Not many people have it as bad as me, even those who were fired. Others who were canned are still allowed in the store. Like a coworker who yelled obscenities and banged stuff around bc the hourly manager was being bitchy. He got canned but could still go into the store.

But I'm most jealous of the people she still gives a rats ass about even after they looked up to her. Like that girl who used to work with her at another fast food joint. My supervisor still liked her after they don't work together anymore. That girl tagged my supervisor in a facebook post saying very positive things about her. My supervisor was flattered and reacted positively, which indicates she also reacted positively to that girl when they used to work together.

1 Reply

@darkangel1720,

Quote:

Hell, the person I look up to (my supervisor) never wants to see me again.

Izzythepush posted that "You don't look up to people, you latch on to them, you pester them"

If Izzythepush assessment of you is accurate, that would explain why she doesn't want anything to do with you.

1. Do you think his assessment of you is accurate?
2. Also do you think your (supervisor) would agree with Izzythepush assessment of you?

2 Replies

@Real Music,

darkangel is yanking everyone around. I admire other folks but I don't try to stay overnight just to show how much I admire them. DA also thinks he means no harm but he refuses to see how he caused her harm by constantly hanging around. My dogs always want to be next to me and that's great, but dogs are pack animals. Having a coworker or employee or a too-friendly neighbor or a waiter or waitress or sales person having around ALL THE FREAKING time IS STALKING. DA caused injury, fear and unnecessary stress against this woman and is just pissed because somebody told him to stop.

GET A GRIP, you are scaring people, and if you don't stop and seek out help you are going to be arrested. Think about that, and stop feeling sorry for your selfish, obsessive, clingy, creepy self.

2 Replies

@glitterbag,

Quote:

GET A GRIP, you are scaring people, and if you don't stop and seek out help you are going to be arrested. Think about that, and stop feeling sorry for your selfish, obsessive, clingy, creepy self.

I know this comment was not intended for me.
I know you intended to addressed this comment to darkangel.
I know it was just an honest mistake. Smile

1 Reply

@Real Music,

Merci

1 Reply

Do people generally accept you or not?

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