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Can someone help me find Biological father?

 
 
Reply Tue 6 Feb, 2018 10:56 am
Im Looking for help to find my Biological father. I don't have the money to hire someone to help and I cant get answers from anyone in my family. I asked for years if there was a chance the guy that raised me wasn't my real father only to be lied to for 7 years straight to my face by my mother. the truth finally came out after years of asking her. My whole family hid the truth from me for 22 years and ill be 26 this month.
I have very little detail about the person that my mom says is the guy, not even a name. I cant get a straight answer from anyone in my family either. I feel like they are hiding something and its really bothering me.
it will be a challenge but please someone that has experience with locating or etc. please think about it and help if your willing!
Im mentally and emotionally at a loss, I grew up thinking and believing I know who I am and Know my family only to find out it was all a lie. I feel like I don't know me now,if that makes any sense?!
thank you Smile
 
PUNKEY
 
  3  
Reply Tue 6 Feb, 2018 12:32 pm
@slmac100,
I'm sorry you are going through this. It must be frustrating.

Obviously, they are all trying to shield you or protect you from this "information" and it's doing the opposite of its intention. Adults have been known to do that to children.

(A friend of mine and sister were prevented from going to her brother's funeral (all under age 13) because her parents didn't want her to go through it. Messed her up for years to come. )

Here's what I would ask of the person who probably knows:

Is there any health issue(s) that I should be aware of that could have been inherited?

Why was this information kept from me all these years?

How is it that everyone knows, except me? Why are other's feelings more important than mine?

Who would be affected if I have this information?

Is this an issue so large that others would be hurt if I knew?

I am going to counseling. Will you follow the advice and guidance of a professional counselor along with me?

*****

Try to approach this calmly. You need to bring in an advocate (counselor or other family member) in with you at this time. Good luck.



slmac100
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Feb, 2018 03:58 pm
@PUNKEY,
I have no one to ask. that's the issue.
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Tue 6 Feb, 2018 06:11 pm
@slmac100,
She means you need to ask your mother and the rest of your family these questions.

By the way - FYI - when paternity is hidden like this it often means the father is:
  • In jail
  • Dead
  • A close relative (e. g. you're the product of incest)
  • A rapist
  • One of a parade of men, either from your mother sleeping with more than one guy at the same time, or even group sex
Not always, mind you, but when the family clams up like this, it tends to be for a reason, and the ones I've listed are the most common ones.
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Feb, 2018 07:15 pm
@slmac100,
There is no excuse. What your mother is doing to you by lying and withholding information is awful.

There is no conceivable reason for a mother to lie to her child who is an adult. And there is no reason for her to do this that isn't selfish. In my opinion, your mother owes you the truth. At this point, as an adult, she is not protecting you. She is protecting herself. I would be furious at her.

That being said, I don't know if there is much you can do... you can go public. Post your name, your age and your mother's name and ask for information for anyone who might know. You have to be a little careful due to privacy, but I don't think you have any other choice.

Good luck.

0 Replies
 
 

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