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Tue 25 Jan, 2005 12:41 pm
i was with my boyfriend for three years before i got pregnant. before that he had been in two different drug rehabs and i thought he could change. of course he didn't. He wasn't physically abusive just mentally. He spent all him money on drugs and didn't help me out financialy much at all, but he had me convinced that i was nothing with out him. Finally when my daughter was 14 months old i realized that don't want my daughter around this man...not that he hurt her...but i didn't want her growing up thinking it's ok to be treated the way he treated me. so i kicked him out. Two weeks latter after aout 30 of me being home from work he walked out of the closet...said he broke in to see who i talked to when he wasn't around and what i was up to. Then another two weeks latter he showed up at my door begging to get back together. I said no and asked him to leave but he didn't. He told me that if i don't want to be with him that i can't be with anyone else then he strangled me, i passed out, he thought i was dead and took of w/ my purse and car! I looked terrible but i'm still alive (thanks god my daughter had gone out to eat with my aunt that day!) the next day he turned himself in saying he killed his girlfriend. He got 6 years for attempted murder it will be his third year this may and he could get out as early as may of 2006 if he has good behavior (good behavior in jail! what the hell is that!)
life has been great since he has been gone! i bought a house for me and my daughter. i met a wonderful guy who is so good to me and my daughter and best of all she absolutly adores him!
i have never tried to get child support, he is in jail so i assume thats a waste of time. plus i dont care about the money...it would be nice but i have a good job and it's not a concern of mine. my concern is him signing his rights away. i have been told that even if my ex and i agree on signing rights away that a judge would not let us do that because i am not married. Eventually my boyfriend and i want to gets married and he wants to adopt brianna but i have been through so much that i just don't want to rush things. the other problem is even if a judge does agree i still have to get my ex to agree!!! i feel like he would not agree just to mess with me! my daughter has 15 months old the last time she saw her real father and does not remember him. Can the court somehow force him to sign rights away because is is unstable?
so confused! the other thing i am worried about is if i do go to court and he doesnt agree to sign rights away that he will in turn try to get some type of supervised visitation rights (for when he's out of jail) just because of me doing this...which i am sure after a few visits he would start to blow her off again and i don't want to put my daughter through that!!! i almost feel like i should leave all alone and hope he never contacts us again.....all i want is whats best for my daughter and never have to deal with him is the best thing! any suggestions would be great!!! sorry this was so long....and this is the short version!!!
both the ex and i live in mass if that makes any diff
I doubt he has any rights to sign away.
i wish it was as easy as that! just cause he tried to kill me doesn't mean he has no rights to my daughter.
right now i have sole custody but unfortunately he does have some sort of rights. for example if i got married and my husband wants to adopt her (which he does) i would need my ex to sign his rights away for that to happen.
I know only a very little bit about this -- the biodad of my niece signed over his rights even though my S-I-L (niece's mom) wasn't married. However, she was in a stable situation, living with her parents. That was in Texas.
Who is listed as the child's father on the birth certificate???
i know the relationship i described was messy but i am in a stable situation. i met my ex in high school had my daughter when i was 19. i was young and stupid in high school for staying with him! But i am in a more than stable situation! after all that happened i moved in with my parents for a year then i bought a house on my own in a nice area! i have had the same job for five years, and i make good money! i support myself although my family would always be there for me if i ever needed them! i don't do drugs like my ex thats why when i found out he was still doing them we broke up. so again there is nothing unstable about my situation!
my ex signed the birth certificate
What state do you live in melissadarby?
melissa--
I'm not a lawyer--but I expect a lawyer will surface at any minute to correct me if I'm wrong.
Your jailbird, druggie ex-boyfriend is the Father of Record for your child. Birth Certificates are legal documents.
This means that your daughter is entitled to child support and that your jdeb is entitled to see his daughter. (In most jurisductions you aren't required to take her to jail, but this is not unheard of.
Your daughter has rights. Your jdeb has rights. The taxpayers of MA have rights. Neither you nor your new guy can take these rights away.
How did the taxpayers get in the act? The law assumes that the burden for supporting a child lies on the parents rather than on the taxpayers.
If your new guy is willing to adopt your daughter, guaranteeing that she will not become a burden on the taxpayers and your daughter's father is willing to relinquish parental rights, no problem.
All the same, you can't force him to relinquish his rights.
Talk to a lawyer--in person. It may be that filing immediately for child support so that your daughter's father gets out of jail already indebted would encourage him to sign away his parental rights--providing another man is willing to assume them.
i'm sorry but how would we become a burden on tax payers??? I don't understand how taxpayers are involved in my situation??? i am a tax payer! i am not on any type of welfare and never have been in my life! i pay my own mortgage! i support myself and my daughter and always have. i honestly have a good job! i have never gotten money from my ex and don't want his money! i understand he has rights but for him to see my daughter after what he did is just not right! all it's going to do is confuse my happy little girl! and put me in fear for her life if he has her!
i think i got screwed by my last lawyer! we went to court, i mentioned child support to him and he said "he's in jail thats nothing to worry about right now" when we went to court it was so i had dole custody and that was it then i latter found out that since we weren't married the mother automatically has sole custody unless he takes me to court! i think i need a new lawyer cause he did nothing for me except take my money! so anyway i just assumed i could not go after child support cause he is in jail!!! nevermind the fact i don't want the scumbags money!
Since you are in MA, M.G.L. section 209 is the ruling law.
Your child, being born out of wedlock is entitled to support and your ex, by signing the birth certificate, acknowledged paternity and obligated himself to supporting the child. By virtue of his paternity he also already has rights to visitation.
I just gave that section a cursory glance but it looks like you may not need his consent for the child to be adopted by a future husband however. (Section 210 of the M.G.L., which covers adoptions, requires only the mother's consent if the child is born out of wedlock.)
Anyway, you really need to talk to a lawyer that specializes in child custody/support and adoption. You may find that getting child support established may be your best bet. Since he's currently in prison he obvisouly can't pay it (the responsibility to pay it doesn't go away just because he has no money!) so he'll be building up a large debt here. You might be able to use that as leverage later on (i.e. if he signs a consent form you release him from paying, etc..)
melissadarby wrote:i'm sorry but how would we become a burden on tax payers??? I don't understand how taxpayers are involved in my situation??? i am a tax payer! i am not on any type of welfare and never have been in my life! i pay my own mortgage! i support myself and my daughter and always have. i honestly have a good job! i have never gotten money from my ex and don't want his money! i understand he has rights but for him to see my daughter after what he did is just not right! all it's going to do is confuse my happy little girl! and put me in fear for her life if he has her!
Let's say that he was releived of any/all obligations to teh child as of today.
Then 5 years from now he's out of prison and doing well for himself and suddenly you get into a car accident that leaves you a quadraplegic and unable to work. Once your insurance runs out who will be supporting the child?
As things sit right now the state could go after him for child support. If he is relieved of all of his responsibilities the state would end up picking up teh entire tab. That's how the tax payers get brought into the whole issue. Right now he is your "backup". If he's absolved of that then the tax payers are basically taking on the responsibility as your backup.
thanks for your response! i have been thinking about speaking to a lawyer again....it's been great with in in jail! no worries...no looking over my shoulder...nothing!!! but now that he could possibly get out next year i need to take care of this and get a new lawyer! thanks again for the response!
i am not worried about something happening to me. i know if any thing ever happened my parents would be more than happy to help out. i would not need any tax payers money. they would do any thing for me and my little girl! So as far as taxpayers supporting myself or my daughter let me just assure you that that would never happen.
my whole point is that i don't need and will never need that monster as a "back up" or taxpayers either.
Melissa--
Don't tell us. Get the facts together, on paper, in an official form so you can tell the legal folks in MA.
We didn't make the laws--we're telling you that the laws exist and that you must work with the laws to get what you want.
Forgive me, but you're thinking like that feisty, idealistic mother-to-be that thought the father of your child could be changed by your wishes.
The support laws in MA are even more inflexible than the unreliability of a druggy. Count on it.
i understand what people are telling me and i am just replying with what my situation is. i don't rely on taxpayers nor would i ever need to. excuse me for expressing that! i know the father can't be changed by my wishes i am just trying to see what suggestions are out there as far as a father terminating rights before i visit with another lawyer.
Just wanted to post that i spoke with a lawyer who has handled cases where the father terminates his right with out another man set to adopt the child! Now i just need to hope my ex agrees! My lawyer will be sending my ex a letter asking if he will!!!!
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