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Change: Hate it or Embrace it?

 
 
quinn1
 
  1  
Reply Thu 20 Feb, 2003 03:42 pm
Sugar..you started off in the country? Thats just not right.
Must be the water.

ahem..sorry soz

good point regarding the wee one though, the older we are, the harder it is to ply our fingers from the doorframes.
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fishin
 
  1  
Reply Thu 20 Feb, 2003 04:53 pm
Soz - Just a quick comment on moving with a child. I've done this a few times. My daughter was moved 4 times growing up. The 1st time didn't matter much, she was still an infant and didn't know what was going on. The next two, when she was 7 and again at 12 she adapted very well. The trick, IMO, was getting her to think about what she was gaining and not to focus on what she was leaving behind.

When she was 7 and I moved I looked at several houses in the new area. The paperwork was already in to buy one of them but I talked to the realtor and took the kid to 4 houses to look at. I found all of the best things to show her in the house that I was buying and the worst things in the other houses. Amazingly enough, she liked the house that was already "in process" the best and I made it seem like she had the final say. It became "her" house. She got to pick out which of the 3 bedrooms upstairs would be hers, what color they would be painted and where the swingset would go in the back yard. As far as she was concerned she was making all the decisions and she was THRILLED with the idea of moving into a new house.

The last time she was older (17) and didn't have any say in the matter and she was miserable (that's now cured due to her going back near the last house and going to college there..).

The Sozlet can be easy to manage during a move. It's all in how YOU (and EG of course) approach it. Make it an adventure for her.
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Thu 20 Feb, 2003 05:00 pm
Right, that's what I'm going for. Thanks for the reassurance. (Big difference between 2.5 and 7, tho... OK, I'll shaddap. Think positive, don't worry be happy, etc. Wink)

Littlek, if you're out there (and I'll PM you if not), didn't you say that the little one you care for went through this fairly recently? Any input, even if just what NOT to do?
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JLNobody
 
  1  
Reply Thu 20 Feb, 2003 05:01 pm
moving
Fishin, your ploy (when moving your daughter at age 7) was brilliant; moving that way allowed her to maintain a sense of control. As a child my brothers and I were moved every two or three years. We felt very little control; we were powerless. But at 17 I suspect the only control your daughter wants pertains to the social relations she has with peers. There's not much you can do about that. When I worked abroad the first time, my 9 year old son adapted very well, but 7 years later when I took him to the same place he was miserable to have left his friends. I had to ship him back to U.S. to stay with relatives living near his peer group. I assume this is a common dynamic.
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littlek
 
  1  
Reply Thu 20 Feb, 2003 05:28 pm
You rang....? I'm not sure about your specific Qs, Soz, but I'll respond quickly and go back to get more details later tonight.

Yes, E. just went through a move. It's hard to tell how it effected her as she's so young and can't really express herself. Her parents kept her bedroom as similare as possible. Painted the walls the same color. Things have changed in there since (new bed, new bureau, new rug). She did have a bad resurgence of anxiety revolving around transitions. Especially when I'd come to pick her up and take her away from school. She did it with both of her parents too, but mostly with me. I think (knock on wood) that's all behind us now, things seem to be better.
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Thu 20 Feb, 2003 05:45 pm
Hi littlek, yeah, my question was just about E. and how she handled it and whether you have any impressions/ suggestions from her experience. For example, it seems like her parents emphasized her old house (bedroom as similar as possible) rather than the new house.
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littlek
 
  1  
Reply Thu 20 Feb, 2003 08:35 pm
mmmm, I see your point. Yeah. You'll be home with her as you are now, I think that'll be important. And, fishin's ideas about letting her feel she has a say is important. But, how do you do that with a 2.5 year old?
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Thu 20 Feb, 2003 08:42 pm
E's not exactly a brilliant example of a kid in a good situation at the best of times.
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littlek
 
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Reply Thu 20 Feb, 2003 08:46 pm
I know, that's why it's hard to use her as an example.
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husker
 
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Reply Sat 22 Feb, 2003 11:15 am
I know about 125 people being forced to go through a change. Last week was the last worship service in our church - it's being torn down and demolished for a freeway. Many many people have not embraced this change no matter the level of communication and explanation. The a few folks want to foul thinks up yet, and yet we are going to try and meet in a temporary location, which in it self has it's own set of BIG problems. A lot of this kind of activity os what turn folks away from churchs. But then on the other had how often is a church torn down or moved? More later got to go to a transition meeting in about 5 minutes.
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Thu 3 Apr, 2003 10:50 pm
I just came across this and had to share:

Quote:
Toddlers will be old enough to sense changes in their environments. Since they spend most of their days with at least one parent, it's important not to neglect them. Otherwise, when they see the house in disarray and gradually getting emptier, they may worry about being left behind. Quickly allay their fears by keeping their favorite toys around and trying to keep as stable a household as you can during the planning and packing. As long as toddlers are comfortable and are close to their parents, they will not be affected by the move.


Laughing Laughing Laughing Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Laughing Laughing Laughing Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad

YEAH RIGHT!

http://www.moving.com/guide/moving/younger.asp
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Algis Kemezys
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Apr, 2003 06:55 am
Lily Tomlin had a T-shirt on when I photographed her that said.
************************Evolve or Die*************
and You know Lily,you still make me silly!
also, I'm finally going to take your advice.
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patiodog
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Apr, 2003 09:51 am
Hey, we're still evolved to be a nomadic species. Why do ya think babies are so comforted by being walked or driven around? Stasis = death.
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BillW
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Apr, 2003 02:37 pm
I don't know if sozobe or the sozlet is to be the most affected. All the best sozobe, this too will pass Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Apr, 2003 02:38 pm
It'll be fine, it'll be fine, but "they will not be affected"?? MWAhahahahaha! Whoever wrote that has never been within 100 yards of a toddler.
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Apr, 2003 10:28 pm
sozobe - many toddlers/children get through moves with little or no difficulty. As the author noted, they are aware of the changes going on around them - that is not necessarily a bad thing.
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Apr, 2003 11:33 pm
I'm not sure how many times I have to re-state that many go through it just fine, I have high hopes for the sozlet getting through it just fine, etc. But "will not be affected" is ludicrous.
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