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A stupid question about Jesus

 
 
binnyboy
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2004 06:36 pm
Twisted Evil Very Happy Twisted Evil Smile Surprised Shocked Twisted Evil Mad Confused Surprised Exclamation Evil or Very Mad Twisted Evil (dont mind me... I'm jamming out to starway to heaven!)
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blueveinedthrobber
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2004 06:37 pm
ehBeth wrote:
Setanta wrote:
he was translated directly to the right hand of god the father, via celestial elevator . . .


so this'd be, like, The Stairway to Heaven?


no ebeth...please pay attention.... that speaks to the celestial escalator issue specifically....
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Merry Andrew
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2004 06:38 pm
For the ancient Hebrews, 40 days was just a catch-phrase meaning a period of some indeterminate time. Thus, in Noah's day it rained for 40 days and 40 nights, for example. Today's Christians still hold on to this old tradition by observing the period prior to Easter -- called Lent -- for 40 days.
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Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2004 06:39 pm
When he gets there, he knows, if the shops are all closed, with a word, he can get what he came for . . .
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boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2004 06:39 pm
The Bible must have a rather wacky sense of time. Didn't some of those guys live for hundreds and hundreds of years? Then they consider 40 days a long time?

Surely God could develop some cooler heavenly transport.

I think he yanked Jesus up by his long pony tail like those Harry Khrishners believe he does.
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Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2004 06:40 pm
Oh yeah, Babe . . . Ol' Sarah was near 300 years old when she started pootin' out the younguns . . . can you imagine what menopause would mean after centuries of bein' on the rag ? ! ? ! ?
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blueveinedthrobber
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2004 06:42 pm
wouldn't have to fret about stretch marks...too late....
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binnyboy
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2004 06:42 pm
Surprised Shocked Surprised Shocked Surprised Shocked Twisted Evil Shocked Twisted Evil Shocked Twisted Evil Shocked Mad Shocked Mad Shocked Mad Shocked Evil or Very Mad Shocked Twisted Evil Shocked Surprised Shocked Razz Shocked Embarrassed Shocked Very Happy Shocked Twisted Evil Shocked
(still jamming out)
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2004 06:57 pm
Bi-Polar Bear wrote:

no ebeth...please pay attention.... that speaks to the celestial escalator issue specifically....


so, like, you mean this one?

Quote:
ESCALATOR TO HEAVEN

She said "St. Peter must've made a mistake." She's boltin' on down from the Pearly Gates. She's goin' down the up escalator to heaven. Well, she's not content to rest in peace. Headin' south and movin' fast. Pushin' by the recently deceased. Heads all snapped as she flew past. The elevator's broken and the stairway too. What's a little runaway angel to do? She's goin' down the up escalator to heaven. Well, she don't have no time to kill or wait for clerical correction. She's goin' for the gold in the downhill undead slalom resurrection. She made it to the bottom but she tripped & fell. Put her head on the pavement. Now she's goin' down to hell. She gets down on her knees and begs, puts that handrail between her legs. She's goin' down the up escalator to heaven.
rookie card the movie link
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boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2004 06:58 pm
So. If they say that after the resurrection that Jesus lived for 40 days before ascending to Heaven then they could really mean that he was around for longer than that.

And if Sarah started having kids when she was 300 years old she really could have been like 1,000 or something.

Shall we assume that the 7 day creation story is a guestimate as well?

How do people reconcile these times when they interpret the Bible literally?

Is it just a matter of faith?
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littlek
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2004 06:59 pm
Wait, if jesus was already resurected, who is everyone waiting for?
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boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2004 07:02 pm
<singing while reading>

Everyone is trying to get to the bar.
The name of the bar, the bar is called heaven.
The band in heaven plays my favorite song.
They play it once again, they play it all night long.
Heaven is a place where nothing ever happens.
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blueveinedthrobber
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2004 07:04 pm
littlek wrote:
Wait, if jesus was already resurected, who is everyone waiting for?



Jesus II the sequel.....He's back....and this time He's pissed off!!!!
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littlek
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2004 07:07 pm
oooooh yeah, the second coming, right?
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boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2004 07:14 pm
Jesus has every reason to be pissed.

Still, I think he shoud take a cue from Nixon:

Jesus II: He's tan, rested and ready.
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2004 07:32 pm
boomerang wrote:
So. If they say that after the resurrection that Jesus lived for 40 days before ascending to Heaven then they could really mean that he was around for longer than that.

And if Sarah started having kids when she was 300 years old she really could have been like 1,000 or something.

Shall we assume that the 7 day creation story is a guestimate as well?

How do people reconcile these times when they interpret the Bible literally?

Is it just a matter of faith?


Oh my goodness, you truly are uninformed . . . no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

They got this down to a science (so to speak). Bishop Ussher[/b] alreay figured out that creation took place on Sunday, October 23, 4004 B.C. (late morning, i think) . . .
0 Replies
 
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2004 07:36 pm
Yes indeed, I am uninformed and I shall attempt to read that link if I can ever get past the "Primate of all Ireland" bit without getting too bewildered and snickering like some idiot pot head (which I am not) thinking "if they gave a hundred monkeys a hundred typewriters...."
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Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2004 07:40 pm
heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee . . .


good one, Boss . . .


okseeyahbye
0 Replies
 
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2004 07:48 pm
Thank you for your answers and insight, Setanta. I do intend to read that link. Have a lovely 40 days.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Dec, 2004 07:55 pm
40 days? the lad's supposed to live forever!
0 Replies
 
 

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