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cheating - do I stay?

 
 
Reply Sat 16 Sep, 2017 08:52 pm
Can someone give me soma advice or their opinions on this? I had a baby with my boyfriend 2 weeks ago and a week into our blissful family bubble time, I found out he had been cheating on me when I was pregnant. Making out and talking, not sex, but I am disillusioned. We had some troubles during my pregnancy, mostly he could not handle my hormones but all I wanted was him around more and more love from him, maybe I was a little too clingy/needy, but that makes this hurt worse. I would normally walk away, but we have this baby now and he loves the baby so much. He says the baby changed him and all he cares about now is the baby and me, but there is so much hurt from the last 9 months and so much lying that happened... I am on bed rest and breastfeeding/changing diapers 24/7 and still need his help. This could have been such a wonderful time for us but now I feel like I am living in a nightmere. Do I try and forgive him to give our family a chance? how would I even do that? I am very sensitive and intimacy and trust is a big deal to me and took a long time to build in the beginning with him (3 years ago). I can't keep him away from our baby though and will always be seeing him. It feels like anything I choose will be painful.
 
bunnyhabit
 
  -1  
Reply Sun 17 Sep, 2017 12:56 am
@anonymus999,
give him another chance, with provision this is last chance. you should find out why he cheated so see if can fill void that started him cheating in first place. you need be stronger more lovable partner to him somehow to save relationship
centrox
 
  4  
Reply Sun 17 Sep, 2017 05:48 am
@bunnyhabit ,
bunnyhabit wrote:
you should find out why he cheated so see if can fill void that started him cheating in first place. you need be stronger more lovable partner to him somehow to save relationship

Rubbish. He is a betrayer. The bad situation existing now is all his fault. Why should the victim (the wife) blame herself for his misbehaviour. This is classic victim-blaming.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Mon 18 Sep, 2017 08:07 am
@anonymus999,
May I ask your ages?

You were not married. Why not?

Were you living together? Was the pregnancy planned?

He acted out sideways during a very stressful time. You can give him the benefit of the doubt, or cut him off from you , only.

Is there extended family around? You need help, but not necessarily from a new father, especially if he is young. Get an older woman to help out.

And remember: He WILL have a relationship with the child, if his name is on the birth certificate. That will be arranged thru the courts. And it will be between him and the child.

anonymus999
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Oct, 2017 04:17 pm
@PUNKEY,
I am 27 and he is 38, but very immature. He is an artist and lives in a loft space with no kitchen or shower and I live with my parents. He had a better place and actually moved to this loft place during my pregnancy for financial reasons and to be closer to his work and art scene. It was not planned and we actually considered adoption in the beginning because we were having some relationship issues but decided to try. It was during the time I felt we were really trying and together the most, that he cheated. My issue is with the lying as well. I want to be a family and forgive him but he swings from desperate and apologetic to defensive and mean. And because of the lying, I don't feel that I can trust him and all of the things we were working on and getting better at seemed to go out the window once the cheating was revealed. I wouldn't want to keep him from his daughter, but every time I see him I feel so depressed.
Sofos
 
  1  
Reply Tue 23 Jan, 2018 11:16 am
@anonymus999,
Cheating like this while you're with his baby in your belly? That is trashy beyond any level.
But, you have to see how much you want him and whether he is worth (last chance) or will continue being this immature , insecure little man.

I hope it all goes well for you!
0 Replies
 
 

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