BLONDE JOKES

SOME OF THESE ARE REPEATS:)

AUTO REPAIR

> A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic
it
> died.
> After he works on it for a few minutes, it's idling smoothly. She
says,
> "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor." She
> asks,
> "How often do I have to do that?"
>
> EXPOSURE
> A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right
> breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am,
are
> you
> aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" She says, "Why,
> officer?" "Because your breast is hanging out." She looks down and
says,
> "OH
> MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
>
> RIVER WALK
> There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
> another
> blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo," she shouts, "how can I get
to
> the
> other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river
> then
> shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
>
> KNITTING
> A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
> Glancing
> at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel
was
> knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and
> siren,
> the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and
yelled,
> "PULL OVER!" "NO!", the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
>
> BLONDE ON THE SUN
> A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
> The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!"
> The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
> The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The
> Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
> "You
> can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the
Russian.
To
> which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going
at
> night!"
>
> SPEEDING TICKET
> A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely
if
> he
> could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would
get
> your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then
> today
> you expect me to show it to you!"
>
> THE VACUUM
> A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
She
> rolled
> the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If
you
> are
> in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought
> for a
> time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
>
> FINAL EXAM
> The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists
> of
> yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall,
> stares
> at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of
> inspiration,
> takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin,
marking
> the
> answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails. Within half an
hour
> she is
> all done, whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out.
> During
> the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin,
> muttering
> and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what
is
> going
> on. "I finished the exam in half an hour, but I'm rechecking my
> answers.