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Tue 7 Dec, 2004 05:35 am
Judgment Day
A tired man rests at the foot of his grave
To watch as the stone tracks the dying sun's rays
And his back is arched and his tongue is dried as he shouts up to the sky
But a fiend in a sin shall exist in his rage
To ponder the pain of the choices he's made
Now they've clipped his wings and blinded his eyes as he comes into the night
Ah the birds of July, he recalls, in the oaks
And the dance of the girls on the flowering slopes
And the words as they leapt up off the yellowing page
Now fading as they die
A feeble man lies at the end of his grave
On the dirt that he plied with a rusting spade
And he jingles his chains in the mists of the night as he prays up to the sky
But a fiend in a sin shall persist in his hate
And his judgment will come on decisions made
Now they've broken his wings and blistered his eyes as he welcomes in the night
Ah the birds of July, he recalls, in the oaks
And the dance of the girls on the flowering slopes
And the words as they leapt up off the yellowing page
Now fading as they die
©2004 - KAV - New for this week - heavy, like TM's Santa :-)
Man...I have so much to say, and so little time..."jingles his chains" reminds me of Jacob Marley. A lot reminds me of Bush. The "yellowing page" reference suggests maybe ignoring the constitution, first amendment rights, an illegal war, maybe calling old soldiers into battle? Let me know if I'm on the right track, I'm still unravelling.
Take your time... There's a' plenty here by design. I really don't think there is a 'right track', per se, but the one you are led to :-)
Yer knitting again, aren't ya?
Oh, like cav, so much to think about on this one Kelly.
My own feelings and interpretations are less global, less political, although I can see how they can be applied. My thoughts lead me to personal somberness. Reflections and memories of past deeds, wearing for a moment the shoes of the one by the grave. In spite of some of the beautiful gifts we are handed in this life, we must all one day be accountable. We dig our own graves by the actions we take, yet hold onto the visions that might bring us peace.
I have simple feelings, you have very deep words.
kelly, upon some reflection, I feel that the real strength of this piece is that it is universal in it's theme. It doesn't matter what was intended. The words speak to all readers. There are times when I love to pick through your always fascinating imagery and wordplay, but here, it's not necessary. This stands alone. Truly wonderful.
and there was silence...................................................................
.................................................................................................
you have bought a moribund subject to life, Kelly.
You may want to reframe the title. I was taken by the form of the poem and the meter, and the entire poem is haunting.
Thanks all
This is one of those rare moments of utter inspiration that I'm sure you have all experienced. Didn't even know what it was until it had passed, and I'm still not sure right now. That's one of the attractive things about having folks like you around :-)
It is a work in progress. Do tell me more.
This poem does seem to have ground the forum to a halt a little...
What about the title, Ms. Letty?
I think it's about a trip to the grocery store.
Well, Kelly, somehow the title didn't fit the picture that you skillfully wove in your poem. You might want to find something more electric. Perhaps it was the fact that Arnold of Austria had a movie by that title. Have you thought of naming the old man with a universal epithet?
Hmmm... I will have to give that some thought, Ms. Letty...
Kelly, I would never do you the disservice of glossing over what I feel. What kind of friend would I be if I told you something was perfect when I didn't sense that it was.
Because I could not paint,
I let the brush of words create my song,
Too long?
Not so, but oh the sweet refrain of
Kneeling and feeling
The prism and refraction
Of one who delves into the
Life lived thrice
And covers himself with
Retribution
Solution?
The man who was eternity
Regardless of infirmity.
Heh - nice, Ms. Letty. Perhaps I shall append the audiobook with something like this, should there ever be a second edition :-)
Ms. Lady J: yours is a wonderful interpretation :-)
Brand X: yours is interesting!
Kelly, I couldn't play your audiobook because it didn't fit properly in the cd portion of my PC.
Incidentally, of course you can dance. You're in the military, no?
Will review "Banished Once" today when I get my sitting ducks in a row.
Oho - On the audiobook, it is specially designed for computer CD ROM players. Open your CD tray and you will see a small circular indentation towards the middle. If you place the audiobook CD there, you will find that it fits in the indentation just riiiiiight :-)
No, cain't dance!
Line up them ducks, M'Lady!
Just three folks commenting? I would love some feedback from the rest of the gallery - how does this poem work for you? I know you're all lurking out there...
Kelly, I really think that many people, not just those on this forum, are having trouble dealing with the season. I suppose there are many reasons for this, included among them would be pressing business obligations; soul searching about the condition of the planet and attitudes of a religious nature.
I just discovered why the cd wouldn't work. I need Adobe, and I'm too lazy to download it.
Aha... Get Adobe, Ms. Letty! They did a good job transcribing VoP to that format! I trust that the rest of the CD worked fine?
Yikes! I didn't pursue the remainder after I saw that. I'll give it another try.
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