What to say to the other woman that doesn't know of you?

@ehBeth,

Not really cause he's still be out the same money. We have nothing together everything in apartment is mine. He'd take his things. His advantage would be to leave cause it'd be cheaper for him in all honesty. We make nearly the same amount of money so with 50/50 custody it'd be just like it is now. So I don't feel that's the reason at all cause he'd save money by leaving me and get 100% freedom. He's not that type of person when he wants something his way he makes it happen. And I would never call them gf's cause he never sees her except via text messaging. This is more like text cheating if anything.

2 Replies

@f4ntasy774,

It doesn't seem like it's really that big of a deal (to you). Just make sure his side women know you exist and keep doing what you're doing. I'd be polite and friendly though, otherwise it just makes you look bad and him look like a victim.

1 Reply

@f4ntasy774,

f4ntasy774 wrote:

(except the sex went away).

Our relationship has had it's ups and downs

No he still goes out on his nights off and stays out till last call recently more so had a few nights he didn't come home till 5 or 6 or 7 in the morning.

I found out about 10 months ago he was on POF and still using it.

Oh, and his phone is a whole other issue he's very private about it. if I am caught touching it he goes crazy.

I went through a 4-5 month period of him sleeping on the couch and could hear him talking on the phone he'd come in late sneak the door shut of sleep on couch.

More recently I have found various names with POF at the end letting me know he met them there.

I got his phone and looked through the pictures and found some of what looked like his land on a female body. NOT MINE. And I lost it inside. I read all the time that they talk and he wants to kiss her lips and how beautiful she is. These are all things he doesn't tell me anymore.

I tippy toe around the facts and let stuff eat me alive.

If I talk about the wrong thing at the wrong time or send him a long text message he looses it like "I'll get another long text message from you" and he never responds.

ohhhh yeahhhh

other women are the problem

1 Reply

@f4ntasy774,

f4ntasy774 wrote:

And I would never call them gf's cause he never sees her except via text messaging.

Quote:

So with this one since I feel they meet up for dinner,

___

so which is it?

he met her for dinner or he never sees her?

___

what should you say to her?

"here you go. he's terrific"

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@f4ntasy774,

What is it about THIS particular woman that makes you so concerned about what and how you tell her this man is a liar and cheater

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@tibbleinparadise,

Why don't you just quit replying cause your not even answering the question it is a big deal cause I wouldn't be asking how I should approach her with 1 boom he's name and he's with somoene else or 2. more non chalant.

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@ehBeth,

Does it matter your not answering the question which is what to say to her your addressing me. And I guess your realtionship is perfect.

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@PUNKEY,

Um it's the fact that he needs to have some woman other than myslef put him in his place. Because for me it'll blow up for me. I also have all her info so why not.

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@f4ntasy774,

You kinda remind me of my wife. She's never satisfied with an answer until you tell her exactly what she wants to hear, regardless of whether it's a "good" or "correct" answer.

I think everyone here has answered this question as best they can. Consensus amongst the internets is... don't contact the other women and dump your boyfriend for being terrible. Try as you might, you probably aren't going to get the answer you want. None of us have an obligation to satisfy that desire. It's a bummer, but that's what happens when you ask strangers for advice.

1 Reply

@f4ntasy774,

Yes, call her and tell her that the guy is living with you. Tell her that you don't have sex any longer, but once you did and you have a child together. For that reason alone she should leave him alone. Then you should record whatever you say to her because you will need to repeat it to every other women he shags up with.

Do you really think he will stop once you talk to the woman in question?
If yes, you must be pretty naive! You can forgive and forget all you want, if the guy is no longer interested in you, you have to accept it and move on, everything else is just humiliating yourself, but it seems you're quite good at it.

1 Reply

@f4ntasy774,

I don't get something. You have written several times that you were raised with a religious background and because of that you believe in forgiveness and trying to work things out. I get that. I understand that. But "working it out" requires the effort of two people. As others have said, he does not seem to want to "work it out." He seems to want to continue to do just what he is doing.

Again, your problem is not with the other women. (It might be with them if they 1, knew he was in a relationship with you before they began seeing him and 2, if they were pursuing him. Problem is that he is the one doing the pursuing.)

So, to answer your original question, you shouldn't say anything to the other women. You need to sit this guy down and talk to him. Others have told you this but you seem to believe that approaching them will solve your problem. It will not because there will always be someone new for him unless the two of you deal with this issue.

1 Reply

@tibbleinparadise,

I THINK YOUR ALOT LIKE ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE NOT ANSWERING THE QUESITON IT"S WHAT TO SAY NOT HOW SHOULD I HANDLE IT!!!!!!!!!!

1 Reply

@CalamityJane,

Like i said you don't know him this is what will work best for him and he will learn if he doesn't then I leave. And we do have sex we went without it for a long time. so.... yea

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@CoastalRat,

It's never been addressed so nothing has ever been worked on. So there has no effort cause we've never discussed it.

1 does it really matter either way it's wrong on both behalf's
2 i don't know who is pursuing who she's the one sending pictures he doesn't even send any back to her.

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@f4ntasy774,

We told you what to say. That was - nothing. We told you to say nothing.

Want a speech? Then go to a class in speechwriting.

The sensible thing is to not confront this woman and instead deal with the problem at home. BTW - #ProTip - if you can't convince him of stuff and need others to do so, you don't have much of a relationship.

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@f4ntasy774,

Don't bother talking with her - what would that solve? The father of your child is the issue. If it wasn't her it would be another woman from the history you are giving us. You are providing him an opportunity of having his cake and eat it too.

He is a dad responsible for a child yet it appears he wants no responsibility - as you say he is out to all hours of the night. If you want something more significant with him you need to talk with him about what you expect from him. If he refuses to talk with you about it - you have two choices - continue living this way or tell him he has two weeks to straighten up and become a responsible adult, father to his child and a partner with you or else good bye.

I know you said don't talk about leaving him - well if you don't have this option the other is he will keep doing what he wants. Talking to this woman at the best would cause her to dump him and he finds a replacement or at worst she says screw you I don't care - and he gets pissed at you for talking to her and leaves you and moves in with her (actually on second thought this might be the best case situation).

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@f4ntasy774,

f4ntasy774 wrote:

Not married luckily but I have been in therapy and we're not finding any true reason why I should just walk away when I believe in something. All of those things in the last sentence I already do so ... plus I do concentrate on myself and my daughter as #1.

There are times when you walk away from something you believe in - for instance you believe you are a great singer, but you go on American Idol and they laugh their a$$es at you - you probably should walk away from that belief; if you believe you can jump off a cliff and flap your arms really hard and fly - you probably should walk away from that cliff instead of trying it

If you believe this is a great man and a great father, but he never talks to you, parties all night, talks to other women - you might want to walk away from him

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@f4ntasy774,

f4ntasy774 wrote:

This is the only real non respectful thing he does or has ever done. Other than that he's a great father, boyfriend he takes care of us and works really hard to do so. Every relationship has issues or problems just so many people give up without trying to fix it. I think that's why divorce is so high.

Is he taking care of you and the child while he is out partying all night?

I agree that the divorce rate is too high because people are often times too lazy to work on their marriage. But there are sometimes good reasons for divorce.

But that doesn't even matter - you are not married. Maybe you should determine why you are not married - perhaps because he isn't committed to you.

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And I am just repeating everyone else as well.

I guess we are all a bunch of nut cases then and she knows everything - so then why are you asking us if you know the answer?

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

she's local a single mom and that's how he works so that's how I know it'll turn ish around.

0 Replies

What to say to the other woman that doesn't know of you?

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