Have I really fallen out of love?!?!

Forums: Children, Divorce, Marriage, Mental Health, Depression
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Oh boy where do I start? I can't believe this is actually happening to me. I guess I'll start at the beginning we have been together for 7 years he was my first boyfriend ever. When we got together he treated me poorly he was very mentally abusive. We got married a year after being together and just a few months after being married my husband wants a divorce.

To this day I have no idea what I did to make him act this way. He broke my heart it killed me honestly. He found another girl to pal around with kiss on and that destroyed me even further. What did I do to deserve this pain? I know I'm not perfect. I'm a pretty angry person (I have a cap now but then I was young and hard for me to control it.) Through the whole process he killed me broke my heart actually used me quite a lot through the whole process. A day before our divorce was final he wants me back. Me being hopelessly in love with a man who treated me like crap I want back.

He continued to treat me like crap. Kicking me out of the apartment. I got a job never saw a penny from that job. Jumped down my throat when I would spend a little bit of my money. I works 10 hour days four days a week and I was responsible for 100% of laundry cleaning cooking wifely duties. We went through some bad stuff that isn't relevant to the point, but through all this I was trying to get pregnant that maybe it would fix us.

In 2013 we had a horrible fight that lasted 4 months and through the whole fight you would of thought given my past actions I would of been extremely upset 4 be months of being treated like an outsider in an apartment I worked for also his mom and him made it a point to treat me like crap. I was numb to it all. I didn't care if he stayed or left i wasn't going to cry for him any more I wasn't going to let him break my heart anymore. The whole fight he realized he wasn't getting the reaction out of me he used to.

So he ended his Feud with me. The day after I found out I was pregnant. You thought I'd be thrilled, but I was filled it dread. I was trapped. The fact I was pregnant started setting in I'll have a kid I'll never be alone again and I don't need my husband I can get another job and do this on my own.

When I was pregnant I loved my husband but once my son was born the love I felt for my husband started to die. Over the years he got better but I got worse. He allowed me to quit my job stay home while he took the burdens of the world on by himself. All he wanted me to do was cook clean take care of the kids and for some reason I don't want to do that not for him. He is going to school and work full time this man would bend over backwards to kiss his own butt if it pleased me. Yet I don't care about him I wish he was gone I don't want to work on our marriage I don't want to be with I'm I just want to be alone.

I feel bad because he is great in everyway now. He treats me like a queen. I feel guilty feeling like this when he loves me so much but I don't love him any more why can't I just love him like I used to. How do I deal with this I could divorce find someone else another chance at love or stay with him and try and work it out. I don't want to waist my life away trying to love someone I simply don't love when I could be free of him finding myself and maybe someone else. It feels like he is stopping me from living my life how I want to live it.

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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 1,953 • Replies: 10

[+4] - jespah - 06/22/2017I think you've been fed up for quite a while but just had a delayed reaction to it. You do not have to be married in order to coparent your child well.

@8th50fire,

I think you've been fed up for quite a while but just had a delayed reaction to it.

You do not have to be married in order to coparent your child well.

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@8th50fire,

I agree with Jespah.

I feel that at present you are out from underneath all the stress and mental strain from being treated poorly and can finally "feel" like a normal person. It's okay to feel how you feel, what happens depends on you and your husband. Counseling may help, if you both are willing to participate, or divorce is also an option (depending on your religious views).

I do empathize with you as I have found myself in a similar situation where my feelings have changed due to events and behavior. All people change over time. He may be a better guy now, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's a better guy for you.

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Why do you want to be single ? Is there another man in your life- or that youd like to be free to explore?

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@PUNKEY,

I like the idea of being able to explore get to know myself. I've spent my whole life taking care of other people so I never really got to live. My whole life has been me shut off from the world. If I'm meant to be with my husband why don't I feel love for him like I use to? It feels like I should of never went back to him if I didn't I wouldn't of have my beautiful son. If I leave the goal is the build a life for my son and myself before I think of dating again. No there is no other man. I'd like to fall in love again to feel nothing but love. I hate I feel this way because he is great guy who has a lot of love to give I just don't want it anymore and I don't want to live my life with someone I don't truly love.

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Perhaps counseling would help. You really want to think this through.

You dont want to regret your decision and find that this "nice" guy has found someone else.

Sounds like you have wounds that never healed from the past. Does he realize how miserable you felt then? How can he make up for being a jerk? Or is it that it's just too late?

How old are you?

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@PUNKEY,

Im scheduled to see a therapist, but that's for me not for my marriage. I find it that I want to better myself when he isn't around. Why do I feel like he is smothering me? I try to explain to him I'm depressed and his response is about what? What do you have to be depressed about? It kills me the person who is supposed to be my best friend doesn't understand me. Also I'm only 24.

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@8th50fire,

Depression is hard to understand from the outside, so it's important to not hold that against him.

It sounds to me like you've already decided what you want to do and are looking for affirmation rather than guidance or help. I'm sure someone will come along with the answer you want to hear so you can move forward with confidence.

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@tibbleinparadise,

I told him how I feel last night and all it did was make me feel worse. He's acting like I'm already gone telling me that he will miss me. I'm here still trying to fix what ever it is that's wrong. Now that everything is out in the open he's no supportive of my issue he's hurt and that kills me. When ever something hurts him he closed himself off to it so it can't hurt him anymore I hurt him last night now he is closing himself off to me. It feels like that will only make things worse. I'm so lost what I thought would make me feel better only made me feel worse.

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@8th50fire,

I encourage you to look at this from his perspective, it might help you feel less confused or lost. If you truly want to salvage your marriage you both need to seek help from a professional, probably a counselor, and also do couples counseling so you can both work towards open communication with each other. It IS possible to come out of this with you both going in the same direction, but you both need to want too.

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@8th50fire,

And no more talks about your problems until you have a third party (a counselor) to help you both successfully navigate through the conversation.

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Have I really fallen out of love?!?!

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