Hands up if you hate Christmas! .. (sorry, edgar!)

I never seen one that looks quite like that, Ellpus!

thank you, thank you. it took me an hour to translate, for i kept falling asleep - it happens when you drag your computer even to your bed. works better with a notebook than with a desktop though...

Yes, it is, dag. Just went back a bit & read it. Delightful!



(OMG! I just got my first email Christmas card! Just this minute! I can't avoid it, it's really going to happen again! )



I said it last year & I'll say it again: It's all that pressure to be happy, happy, happy at Christmas that drives me crazy! Pretending that a dysfunctional family is functional & all that ... (as if the shops & their mad profiteering activities weren't enough to cope with!) <sob>

Not to mention schlong.

SCHLONG SCHLONG SCHLONG SCLHLONG SCHLONG!

"I Want A Boob Job For Christmas" lyrics
Woman:
Every Christmas morning, underneath the tree
Lots of lovely presents, are waiting there for me
And though I'm quite delighted, it's hard to get excited
Who needs another sweater? Hey Santa
There is something that I'd like a whole lot better!

Are you listening, Santa?
I've been a good girl this year
And there's only one thing that I want

I want a boob job for Christmas, big old knockers out to here
It would make me proud to be endowed like the Playmate of the Year
I want a boob job for Christmas, make them big and make them wide
The only blimps as big as these say "Goodyear" on the side

Male chorus:
Heaving hefty happy hooters
Squishy gushy lactate shooters
Loads of curvy cleavage on display

Woman: Woo!

Male chorus:
Lusty busty watermelons
Each as big as Mount Saint Helens
That is what she wants this holiday

Woman (speaking):
Santa, give me this one gift.
It's not my spirits that are sagging, it's my boobs that need a lift!
Oh Santa, you know this Christmas season, give me a pair of juicy jugs
And you can be the first to squeeze em!

Woman:
I want a boob job for Christmas, spongy silicone balloons
Who needs a boat? I can stay afloat with my bulging chest pontoons.

Male chorus:
Bursting beefy bouncing bozos
Wild and wiggly whopping waldos
Nestled in a cup that's Double D

Woman (speaking): Yee hoo!

Male chorus:
Massive milky meaty mammaries
Big enough to feed 2 families
Santa won't you listen to her please?

Woman (shouting): Santa, please!

Male chorus: Brr!

Woman:
I want a boob job for Christmas
And when you've done that Santa dear
If it's okay, send my way
A nose job come next year

I'll be back later with a little Christmas whine.

Oh good, that'll be most welcome, Swimpy! Those A2K pro-Christmas types are swamping the place at the moment with their good will, joy to the world & all that .... us grouchers appear to be out-numbered!

My grouch: I can't get out of the family get-together. Trust me, I should! It takes me about two weeks to get over it, it's so upsetting. Damn.

Hey, don't forget me! I posted some pages back not an all-to-rosy liking of the season.

Oh, I haven't forgotten you, Reyn! (Very sensible attitude, I've always thought! :wink: ) I meant all those other cosy & warm A2K Christmas threads. Let's face it, we're out-numbered! We've gotta fight back! Bah humbug, & all that!

I'm with you on Christmas msolga. For me it's a waiting game, waiting for it to be over, intill it's christmas witch is the worst. If I go to the family christmas I fell I am being forced to do somthing I don't like and acting like our family passed didn't happen and I usually get insulted somehow and if I don't go I'm the heartless selfish son. Either way Chrismas sucks for me but I'm happy to see other people happy.

I know how you feel, Amigo, I really do! It's a trial, every single time. My sister begged me to come (despite being the cause of much angst in the past), even did the moral blackmail thing to twist my arm. So I caved in, against my better judgement. <sigh>
So good luck to you & good luck to me, Amigo! We shall overcome!

When I read your initial post it struck me. I knew our situations must be pretty similar. Best word to discribe it; Sad.

Yes, indeed, Amigo.

I've spent many Christmas Days plunked down in other people's living rooms celebrating other people's versions of Winter Holidays.

The trick to survival is to promise yourself that on the stroke of 7--or eight or nine or midnight, whenever the family ordeal is over--that you will start your personal, private celebrations of the glory of light and peace on earth.

Impossible families are bogs to be slogged through, but surely after all these years you can feel terribly clever negotiating the local quicksand between the television set and the refrigerator?

Remember, these people have to live with their constricted little ways, 365 days a year. Make your Duty Holiday Visit--and then you're free!

I wish I could blame my lack of holiday spirit on my family, but it's my own fault. As the matron of my own nuclear family, I have sole responsibiltiy for Christmas. It doesn't happen whithout me. Just one year, I'd like someone to say, "It doesn't matter, Mom. We'll be together and that's what counts." However, the patron of the family guilts me into it every year. We are not religious. Our sons are not religious. We all hate the commercialization of the holiday, so why do we do it? We are on a train and we don't know how to get off.

Tradition, tradition, tradition!

Swimpy-

I make a distinction between excesses in the name of celebration to delight people I love and excesses in the name of Conspicuous Consumption to impress bystanders.

Does that help?

Noddy, It's not that we lavish it on to impress others. I would just like Christmas to be more like Thanksgiving, just family and food. No pressure.

We are simple folk. We have been paring our Christmas down and that's what I've been trying to do, since our kids are grown. I get the Scrooge label because I don't want a Christmas tree. I mean, why do you need a tree in your house? Can't it be Christmas without a tree? And if they want a tree so badly, why don't I see them going out and getting one?

I just want to pass the tourch, I guess, but there's no one waiting to accept it.

Swimpy--

If you don't want a tree and no one grabs the torch, then 2005 will be The Year Without A Tree.

We hear about Bob Cratchett and Tiny Tim, but I'm sure Mrs. Cratchett did a great deal to bring Christmas Cheer to that humble cottage.

Don't think of yourself as Ms. Scrooge--you're the ghost of Christmas yet to come.

Here ya go.....proof!

Scientists blame festive feuds on Xmas dinner

Scientists say they know why so many families fall out over Christmas dinner - it's all down to what we eat.

Traditional Christmas fare can lead to repeated changes in blood sugar levels, according to Paul Clayton, president of the forum on food and health at the Royal Society of Medicine.

Dr Clayton and Helen Conn, a food scientist, reviewed the content of the traditional Christmas lunch for a TV programme.

They found that typical Christmas meals were low in micronutrients - a blanket term for vitamins and minerals - but had a high glycaemic index.

Carbohydrates, including bread stuffing, potatoes and bread sauce were among the main culprits.

Salty foods, including crisps and peanuts, drive thirst which on Christmas Day is often quenched with alcohol, a poor combination that could help trigger arguments in an already tense environment, they add.

"There are tremendous psychosocial pressures at Christmas. There are people you haven't seen for ages and maybe don't want to see, you're probably suffering from spending a lot of money and on top of it, you have your blood sugar levels all over the place and that is not a good recipe for a calm, relaxing day," said Dr Clayton.

The scientists have drawn up an alternative Christmas lunch rich in natural tranquillisers to lessen the chances of it all kicking off on the day.

Out go the roast potatoes and in come mashed artichokes. Slowly digested foods, including sprouts, are thinly sliced and tossed in sesame oil.

"One of the main changes is to include foods which are rich in flavanoids, natural compounds that act as tranquillisers," said Dr Clayton. "We hope this gives a calmer, more relaxing Christmas."

source