Sun 30 Apr, 2017 12:56 pm
I have a wonderful boyfriend, who I'm very much in love with. I am attracted to him, and enjoy sex with him. We first started going out years ago, and when I started watching the L Word, I came to the conclusion that I was actually a lesbian, and broke up with my boyfriend.
After about a year of dates with girls, and lesbian sex (which was the best thing I've ever experienced), I kept being drawn to my ex-boyfriend still, and we would hook up. This really confused me, but it just kept happening and the chemistry was so real. I still loved him, and realised that I was still attracted to him, so we ended up going out again.
I've been happy with him for about a year now, since then. As I said, I am attracted to him, even if I'm rarely attracted to men in general. I stopped questioning my sexuality, and I'm happy.
But then I decided to rewatch the L Word because I really enjoyed it before, and honestly it's making me think of women again, and how much I'm attracted to them. Sex with a women was probably more enjoyable for me, even though I love having sex with my boyfriend too.
Should I stop watching the L Word, and avoid lesbian TV shows and movies like that, so not to confuse and tempt myself? Because I am happy with my boyfriend. But do people think that I'm fooling myself about my sexuality? If a TV show can tempt me so much, what does that say about me? My love for my boyfriend is so much more than just sexual, and this happened before and look where I ended up.
Looking for opinions, thanks.
Why not both?
You're probably bi, so don't put yourself into one bucket or another. As for the TV shows, why not ask your boyfriend to watch them with you?
I haven't been trying to give it a label, I've been okay with it for the past while. But isn't it concerning that every time I watch some lesbian TV show I completely rethink my relationship?
When you go out to eat and are nice and full and the waiter asks if you want dessert...a big chocolate chunk cake with ice cream...do you always (or ever) say yes?
Life is full of things that are desirable. You have to choose whether or not to partake, that's life.
First there is nothing wrong with what you are feeling. Have you talked to him about it? Tell him you love him and are aiming for a husband wife relationship, but you have some additional needs. He may be open to it, and I doubt he will become jealous or angry.
But isn't it concerning that every time I watch some lesbian TV show I completely rethink my relationship?
Yes it is. Why do you need to "rethink your relationship"? You can't be in a hetero relationship while enjoying lesbian porn?
Don't put too much pressure on you to categorize yourself in one box or the other. It will only slow you down and even, worse, lock you up.
It is understandable that you're feeling confused, but if you are happy with your boyfriend, that's all that matters. And to be with a man doesn't mean you have to stop watching lesbian shows. You're human, you're sexually attracted to women, so there is nothing wrong or abnormal in the fact of being aroused by watching them.
Maybe you could be content with masturbating, or maybe your boyfriend would not be against a threesome with another woman? In any cases, as said above, you could try to talk to him about what you feel and need. If he already knows that you like women too, he will probably be very understanding.
That is, I hope this comment could help you one way or another. And I apologize if my English is a bit weird because it's not my mother tongue.