grandchildren never say thank you

Stop sending them gifts.

You should cease sending gifts.

Me three. Stop sending gifts.

Yep, no more gifts. They either don't like what you're sending or don't care. Donate to a local shelter or food bank, I guarantee they will appreciate your generosity.

Why are you sending gifts? because you want a thank you? because you want to give something to the grandchildren?

If you value the thank you over the grandchildren, stop sending gifts.

If you had a role in raising one of the parents - talk to them honestly and directly. Ask why you are never thanked. Don't be passive-aggressive about it. Be straight-forward.

When I talk to them on the phone they tell me they like the gifts, but I think they should be the ones to call me. I don't think that's asking too much, really. Granddaughter's birthday coming up in a few weeks and I don't want her to feel forgotten, but I know she is not being taught proper manners by her mother i.e. showing gratitude. I also don't want her to feel that I've forgotten about her. Don't quite know what I should do about this.

is her father not there to teach proper manners (by your definition)?

have you told both of the parents what you want?

Just call your granddaughter up and wish her a happy birthday. I rarely received gifts as a kid and still don't...not a big deal. Things don't need to be important; thoughtfulness, kindess, love, and a charitable heart are important.

You don't say how old these kids are, but no matter. Parents failed to do their job or set standards in the home.

So . . . Send cards. With NO money. Just a loving note.

I didn't get calls or notes of thanks from my nieces and nephews when I sent something. If I talked to my sister she would mention the item and that was that, sometimes, weeks later.

It bothered me briefly, then I figured, let them at least have the gift and card. It's not their fault.

Once they hit 18, I stopped sending, made a call on the day, which is still my method, even though they don't call me on my birthday. Such is life. Do your best and don't worry about what they aren't doing.

Thank you for your suggestion. My granddaughter will be 7 years old, but is very capable at her age to send a note or call. It's not her fault that her parents were neglectful in teaching her what is right. She also reads quite well so she will be receiving a loving card from her grandmother this birthday - and no money.

How kind of you to continue your generosity all those years! I am trying to not let it bother me too much. Being from a different generation I just can't understand the lack of consideration that seems to be characteristic of the younger people these days.

I hosted a sharing dinner a few weeks ago to eight people at my house. . Everyone had fun and there were lots of conpliments. Everyone brought a dish to pass and I provided the meat.

Not one person sent a TY card or email afterwards.

They were all adults ages 45 - 68.

I sent a TY card two days after I attended a sharing dinner at someone elses house in Feb. Theres lots of work, setup, and of course the cleanup.

I dont know whats wrong with people nowadays.

Complaining about today's youth has been a pastime of old people for millennia. This is what Socractes said in 500 BC about the youth of his day.



Times change. The culture changes. You probably disappointed your grandparents too. As I get older... I have made the decision not to complain about these things.

Hopefully your relationship with your grandchildren is more important than gifts and thank you notes. This Quid Pro Quo of "I will give you a gift if and only if you give me a thank you note" isn't my style. But each person is responsible for their own relationship with their grandchildren.

For those grandchildren that you really care about, you will work to build and maintain a relationship with them. Like any other relationship it goes two ways... both people need to put the effort into making the relationship work. I might mention that a note would make me happy, good communication is always a good thing.

Grandparents who insist that their grandchildren act in a certain way to win their affection don't generally have good relationships with their grandchildren. I now understand this from both sides of the equation.

Certainly Socrates would drop dead all over again if he lived today and saw the horrors children engage in today. Anyone would like to receive a note of gratitude as a courtesy (or at least a phone call). Part of the reward in giving is in knowing that your thoughtfulness made a difference in another person's life. I am in no way demanding anything of my grandchildren and it is not in the least about "winning their affection". As their grandmother I only would like for them to not grow up to be spoiled adults thinking "it's all about me" without consideration for anyone else. There are already enough leeches that fit that description in our world today.

Demiller, I so agree with everything you wrote in your most recent post.

I am sure you are not, and I would venture to say that only a fool would suggest otherwise.

You are missing the point. Once you were the grandchild disappointing your grandparents. Now you are the grandparent being disappointed by your grandchildren. Grandparents have always been complaining that their grandchildren are spoiled, this was as true when you were a child as it is today. This has been the cycle since at least the time of Socrates.

The way you feel about your grand children is no different than the way your grandparents felt about you. They didn't understand how you thought, and your behavior confused and sometimes disappointed them. Hopefully they still reached out to be understanding and have a relationship with you as a child.

Your grandparents failed to change your behavior (or you would never vote, and always wear a pinafore). You will fail to change the behavior of the kids today. And the world will continue to progress in spite of the best efforts of grandparents who want it to stay the same.

You say that "anyone would like to receive a note of gratitude". I am not sure that this is the case. Culture has changed, whether we grandparents accept that or not. Culture is always changing. You can ask them... it might be that honestly they don't care about this formality and that is the reason they don't understand it is important to you.

We can accept that, or we can resist it. But if you want a meaningful relationship with your grandchildren, you have to reach out to them on their terms. Of course you can communicate with them, give them advice and tell them that you like thank you notes.

But that's all we old people can do. The world goes on in spite of us.