The last word should go to John and Bryan:
Australian Broadcasting Corporation
TV PROGRAM TRANSCRIPT
LOCATION:
http://www.abc.net.au/7.30/content/2006/s1686340.htm
Broadcast: 13/07/2006
Clarke, Dawe and the leadership
Reporter: John Clarke and Bryan Dawe
MAXINE McKEW: And after a week such as this, it's high time we heard from John Clarke and Bryan Dawe.
INTERVIEWER (played by Bryan Dawe): Thanks very much for coming in, Mr Howard.
JOHN HOWARD (played by John Clarke): That's my very great pleasure, Bryan.
INTERVIEWER: Big week?
JOHN HOWARD: Yeah, we have had a bit of a week this week. Probably not the most successful week that the Government has had.
INTERVIEWER: No.
JOHN HOWARD: Is that what you want to talk about, is it?
INTERVIEWER: Yes, but we'll go in a minute, Mr Howard. I'm trying to get some views from the public.
JOHN HOWARD: Views from the public?
INTERVIEWER: We're just ringing around, we've got the switchboard trying to find some.
JOHN HOWARD: Oh, the switchboard is ringing around.
INTERVIEWER: Thought we'd get some views of the matter from the public.
JOHN HOWARD: Views on the events of the week and this whole Costello thing?
INTERVIEWER: Yeah, Costello's allegations, et cetera, et cetera.
JOHN HOWARD: That I'm a liar?
INTERVIEWER: Yep.
JOHN HOWARD: That, of course, is not the way I would characterise the discussion I had with Peter.
INTERVIEWER: Well, no, of course you wouldn't, Mr Howard.
JOHN HOWARD: As a matter of interest, Bryan, Costello has repeatedly been asked over the intervening years whether or not we had had a deal.
INTERVIEWER: Oh, I know, I've asked him myself.
JOHN HOWARD: You would have, and he would have said no.
INTERVIEWER: He said "absolutely not".
JOHN HOWARD: So who the hell is he to call anybody a liar.
INTERVIEWER: You've both got arguments now that don't work, haven't you?
JOHN HOWARD: So what sort of comments are you looking for?
INTERVIEWER: We're just trying to get somebody who's surprised - to put a bit of context.
JOHN HOWARD: Someone who's surprised? What, that Peter told porkies?
INTERVIEWER: No, that both of you have now publicly said you can't be trusted.
JOHN HOWARD: So where are you looking?
INTERVIEWER: We've looked in NSW, Victoria, Tassie, Western Australia, Northern Territory, Queensland, ACT.
JOHN HOWARD: Haven't found anyone? Where are you looking now?
INTERVIEWER: Lord Howe Island. (Calls out) Nothing?
JOHN HOWARD: Try Christmas Island.
INTERVIEWER: It's not part of Australia anymore.
JOHN HOWARD: Oh, that's right, we've even lied about where the country finishes.
INTERVIEWER: Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it would be good to get someone who's surprised to put it into context.
JOHN HOWARD: Have you tried Alan Jones?
INTERVIEWER: Alan Jones? Oh no, the board wouldn't wear him.
JOHN HOWARD: The board won't wear him? How very peculiar. Actually, why would anybody be surprised? They keep voting me into office, Bryan...
INTERVIEWER: That's right.
JOHN HOWARD: ..and I told them I wasn't going to bring in a GST, and I did. I told them people were chucking their own babies in the water. I told them to buy Telstra stock with their ears pinned back and I apologise about that now.
INTERVIEWER: WMDs.
JOHN HOWARD: Nobody, surely... I think you're wasting your time.
INTERVIEWER: Shane, I don't think we're going to find anyone.
JOHN HOWARD: A wild-goose chase, in my view. Go your hardest, Bryan.
INTERVIEWER: OK, Are you ready?
JOHN HOWARD: Yep.
INTERVIEWER: Mr Howard, are you a liar?
JOHN HOWARD: That's not a word I would have used, Bryan.
INTERVIEWER: Thanks for joining us.
JOHN HOWARD: Good on you, Bryan. Well done.